~TRUTH~
~~~~~

In each and every life..
there comes a time, to face yourself..
sometimes what you see you like..
other times what you see, scares you..
~~~~~
This is a journey through a life of
much bondage and pain deep in the soul..
~~~~~
You don't have to agree with what is written here..
but.. you can know it is TRUTH~
This story is of a man, that had much to offer..
but for him personally it was too late..
~~~~~
God is a God of second chances..
many people won't offer that to you..
If he had it to do all over again..
it would of been different.
~~~~~

I am not sure, I am worthy to write his story.. ~my step-dad~

dIaNe



Jim Burns, Dec. 25, 1985
My step-dad.

Chesney Kenny
~That's Why I'm Here~

No I ain't had nothin' to drink.
I knew that's probably what you'd think.
If I'd drop by this time of night.
Remember way back when.
I promised you I'd drop in.
At one of those meetings down at the "Y"?
When they started talkin' about steps you take.
Mistakes you make the hearts you break.
And the price you pay.
I almost walked away.
~~~~
You could hear a pin drop.
When this old man stood up and said.
I'm gonna say it again.
Like I do every week.
For those who don't know me.
~~~~
It's the simple things in life.
Like the kids at home and a lovin' wife.
That you miss the most, when you lose control.
And everything you love starts to disappear.
The devil takes your hand and says no fear.
Have another shot, just one more beer.
Yeah I've been there.
That's why I'm here.
~~~~
This old boy stood up in the aisle.
Said he'd been livin' a life of denial.
Then he cried, as he talked about wasted years.
~~~~
I couldn't believe what I heard
It was my life word for word.
And all of the sudden, it was clear.
~~~~
It's the simple things in life.
Like the kids at home and a lovin' wife.
That you miss the most, when you lose control.
And everything you love starts to disappear.
The devil takes your hand and says no fear.
Have another shot, just one more beer.
Yeah I've been there.
That's why I'm here.
~~~~
I know for us it may be too late.
But it would mean the world to me.
If you were there when I stand to say.
~~~~
It's the simple things in life.
Like the kids at home and a lovin' wife.
That you miss the most, when you lose control.
And everything you love starts to disappear.
The devil takes your hand and says no fear.
Have another shot, just one more beer.
Yeah I've been there.
That's why I'm here.
~~~~
OOH. I've been there.
That's why I'm here.



He was just a teen-ager when he learned to feed something inside of himself. When things hurt, got hard, were puzzling, difficult, mixed-up, or he just thought of having a ‘good time,’ he would open his next can . His life was not easy, he had many things challenging him, and he needed something more then what he had. He had learned that talking, pleading, and even praying, didn’t solve things immediately, and the pain was always there deep inside. His own father never approved of anything he did, said, or wanted to become. His mother, was always sad, withdrawn, and depressed.
~~~~
As he grew he met ‘her..’ the woman of his dreams. They soon married, and had a son. He was so proud, so excited, and so rich with a new happiness, at first. Then things weren’t going as he wanted them to, and he soon returned to his best friend in life.. the first swallow is the beginning of the next.. She soon wasn’t happy, and wanted him to be all he could be..she wanted a ‘father’ for her son, and now two little girls.. He couldn’t be that and spend time with his best friend. The divorce papers came, and he signed them, believing he was doing them all a favor.. Then adoption papers came, and he signed them, and now his children had a new last name, and he thought he was doing the right thing, giving them a chance to have a real ‘dad.’
~~~~
He wandered through many more marriages, each one ending, because he wasn’t able to share his life with anyone, since his best friend demanded his all. He couldn’t hear the words, “I love you,” please get help! What was he doing that made anyone think he needed help? He worked, he ate, he slept, he helped others when he could understand they needed him. He wasn’t mean or cruel. . he believed in fun.. laughter..he could hug, hold, and cry.
~~~~
He met and married my mother in 1973. I loved him from the moment I met him. I knew he drank occassionally.. but I thought it was just here and there, for he hid it from all of us for four years. Then, he couldn’t do that anymore. The pain he was in, was visible. His words reflected his soul.. and it was empty and dying slowly. What do you do, when you love someone that is hurting themselves the most? You could reject them, lecture them, or love them and pray feverently that they will be caught by a net, called Jesus and His never ending love and healing. You could affirm you believe in them, and love them in spite of the bondage they are in.. You could realize you aren’t going to fix them, but you can get help for yourself by learning how to accept their choices, and let go of them.
~~~~
In Feburary 1985, he couldn’t take another day of himself, and he called AA in the city he lived in.. someone came and got him..he called home later, and asked his wife, my mother, to please come, he had something to say and wanted her there to hear him. She had been in Al-Anon herself for three months, so she went. . quickly.. and heard him say.. “I am so sorry, please would you forgive me?” I am an alcoholic, I need help, I need you!” She got up, and walked up to him, and held him near her.. she could not believe this day had finally come!!
~~~~
He attended AA faithfully, and kept in touch with his sponsor.. he collected every token he earned for dry time, and attendance. He kept a token of the Serenity prayer in his wallet.. He was so happy and free inside, life was going better all the time. Then one day while at AA, he renewed his relationship with God, and began to speak much about the love he felt, and the need to reconcile broken relationships in his life. He started by writing letters, then advanced to some phone calls. He didn’t get any responses.. and was feeling very down hearted inside. This was so painful for me to know and watch, my own dad had left us many years ago for much the same reasons, and I had been able to remain open for re-building, and had so much wanted that myself.. so for his kids to reject that with him, troubled me greatly, too.
~~~~~
One evening in October 1985, he had a horrible head-ache, he felt it was sinus congestion, and took some medicines for that.. but it advanced quickly that night to blurrred vision, and speech defects. My mother took him to the hospital.. and they were told the worst news to hear at a time such as this. . he had a tumor behind his eyes.. and they were able to see it quite well. He had surgery three days later, and the tumor was malignant, and stage 4. He was given six months to live. When he awakened, his life as he had known it was gone.. he was child like, and remained so, until he passed away in Feb. 1996.
~~~~~
We contacted his three children, and their mother.. and though many plans were discussed that the kids would come, they never ever made it.. He was aware of this, and understood it enough, to weep with the thought of seeing them. The day before he died, he got a plant with a card signed from each of his children. He seemed to realize this.. but also, that he had not ever gotten to say he was sorry.. Though we did all we could to get him into contact with them by phone, it did not work out. I felt the kids were willing, and expressed this to him over and over again, but he would only nod his head and cry.
~~~~~
For him, it was too late.. What he had tucked in his heart.. only he knew.. and what was hurting him so, only he knew.. but I forever will believe, he died with many regrets. I have his tokens.. I have his love tucked deep inside my heart. And I still wish to talk to his kids.. and tell them, simply, he really did believe he did the right thing long ago, when he left. He believed he was giving them the chance to have a real family, minus the turmoil of a dad that was an alcoholic... and I know that would not make their hurts go away.. or change that they grew up without him.
~~~~~
I have included at the bottom of the page two reference sites, and believe they could be helpful or useful. I am not an authority on alcohol or any other drug related addiction. This was not written for the purpose of ridicule, or condemnation. My step-father, was one of my best examples in life as to how to love and extend forgiveness to anyone for anything. Though he hurt other’s with his choices.. he also brought much good in life. I have missed him terribly since his death. And more then once, needed so much to hear his advice.. his wisdom, to help me know what to do.
~~~~





Song playing, is Cat's in the Cradle, it was one of his favorites.. and he always said, what goes around comes around!
~~~~



"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matt.6:21)

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