80° ~ Californians start waxing surfboards in preparation for summer. Alaskans begin migrating to the Arctic Circle.

70° ~ Floridians announce the arival of spring. Alaskans begin to complain that it's too hot outside.

60° ~ Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats. Alaskans sunbathe.

50° ~ New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Alaskan people plant gardens.

40° ~ Italian cars won't start. Alaskan people drive with the windows down. School kids wear shorts.

30° ~ Distilled water freezes. Alaskans store their beer outdoors.

20° ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably, even with parkas on. Alaskans have the last cook-out on the patio before it gets cold.

10° ~ New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Alaskan people throw on a sweatshirt.

0° ~ Californians fly away to Mexico. Floridians fly away to The Bahamas. Alaskans start chopping wood.

-20° ~ People in Miami cease to exist. Alaskan people get out their winter coats and fire up their snow machines.

-40° ~ Hollywood disintegrates. Alaskans start to heat their houses.

-60° ~ Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Alaskan Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

-70° ~ Mt. Saint Helen freezes. Alaskan people rent some videos and "stay in" for the weekend.

-90° ~ Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Alaskans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg!

-297° ~ Microbial life survives on dairy products. Alaskan cows complain of farmers with cold hands!

-459.7° ~ All atomic action stops. Alaskans start saying "Cold enough for ya?"

-500° ~ HELL FREEZES OVER. Alaskans vote for a Democrat for President.