Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
about you leaving it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask
us. We refuse to answer.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her. Besides, it gives us something
to hold on to when you're blowing us.
Birthdays, Valentines Day, and Anniversaries are not quests
to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation, monster trucks or other women with bigger, firmer tits
than yours.
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to
think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many
shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say whatever the hell it is you want!
We don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on the calendar.
Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss
sometimes.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
look good with your dress?
"Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do
something, but not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials, unless the commercials involve young women with big
tits.
The most ANY man can see is only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit,
not a color.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying,
but it's just not worth the hassle.