COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:

We have no time to train you.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

CAREER-MINDED:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:

We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:

You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:

I've used Microsoft Office.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:

I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M PERSONABLE:

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:

I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:

I've changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:

I'm never at my desk.

I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:

The minute I find a better job I'm outta here.

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