Martha's way -

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way -

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone. For Pete's sake, you're probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha's way -

Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

My way -

Buy the pre-cooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.

Martha's way -

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My way -

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way -

To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.

My way -

Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?

Martha's way -

To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

My way -

Sleep with the lemons in between the mattress and box springs.

Martha's way -

To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover the bottom of the pan, and bring to a boil on the stove.

My way -

Eat at Chili's every night and avoid cooking.

Martha's way -

Spray your Tupperware with non-stick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.

My way -

Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.

Martha's way -

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

My way -

Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way -

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

My way -

If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad.

My motto: 

I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way -

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

My way -

Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way -

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

My way -

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don't do it.

Martha's way -

Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.

My Way -

Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?

Martha's way -

When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.

My Way -

The only kind of corn I buy comes in a can.

Martha's way -

To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it is fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

My way -

Eat, cook, or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it wasn't fresh.

Martha's way -

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

My way -

Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now blind.

Martha's way -

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

My way -

Leftover wine?

Martha's way -

If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My way -

Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

Martha's way -

Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

My way -

Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the anti-bacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.

Martha's way -

Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer:

• Clean a toilet:
  
  

  Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.

  
  
  
• Clean a vase:
  
  

  To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.

  
  
  
• Polish jewelry:
  
  

  Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

  
  
  
• Clean a thermos bottle:
  
  

  Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

My way -

Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.

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