A New Millennium Résumé

Mailing Address • City, State & Zip Code
Phone: (xxx) xxx-xxxx • Fax: (xxx) xxx-xxxx • Mobile: (xxx) xxx-xxxx
E-mail: yourserver@wherever.net

NAME

OBJECTIVE

To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.

EDUCATION

1996 - 2005

University

City, State

Degree

Very expensive

Major

Not important

GPA:

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

EMPLOYMENT

Network Management

09/1996 - Present

Company Name

Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch.
Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those "important" messages.

Debt Consolidation

04/1997 - 12/1999

Company Name

Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.

COMPUTER SKILLS

Solitaire
Minesweeper
On/Off Repair Method

AWARDS

First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament
Said Toast at brother's wedding
High Score on Theta Chi's Pin Ball Machine

REFERENCES

For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you're considering me as a law school applicant.

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