1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam"

   Seen in Cape Cod

   
   
2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"

   Seen on an 8 year old

   
   
3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
   
   
4. "Procrastinate Now"
   
   
5. "Rehab Is for Quitters"
   
   
6. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
   
   
7. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want To Super-Size That?"
   
   
8. "I May Not Go Down In History But I Will Go Down On Your Little Sister"
   
   
9. "Party - My Crib - Two A.M."

   On a baby-size shirt

   
   
10. "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15"
    
    
11. "All Men Are Idiots, And I Married Their King"
    
    
12. "West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names"
    
    
13. "Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software"
    
    
14. "I'm out of Estrogen, and I've got a gun"
    
    
15. "A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
    
    
16. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"
    
    
17. "Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!"
    
    
18. "Discourage Inbreeding - Ban Country Music"
    
    
19. "Moosehead: A great beer and a new experience for a moose"
    
    
20. "Time's fun when you're having flies…"

    Kermit the Frog

    
    
21. "For Sale: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."
    
    
22. "A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory."
    
    
23. "The Meek shall inherit the earth… after we're through with it."
    
    
24. "Welcome to Kentucky - Set your watch back 20 years."
    
    
25. "The trouble with life is there's no background music."
    
    
26. "Well… It's Not Going To Lick Itself"

    Seen on a pair of ladies panties

    
    
27. "If There Is No God, Who Pops Up The Next Kleenex?"
    
    
28. "Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
    
    
29. "The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
    
    
30. "My Wild Oats Have Turned To Shredded Wheat"
    
    
31. "Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit."
    
    
32. "NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine."
    
    
33. "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."
    
    

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