Dear _________________:

Thank you for leaving one [1] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

1. __ The tooth could not be found.
   
   
2. __ It was not a human tooth.
   
   
3. __ We do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny.
   
   
4. __ We were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor.
   
   
5. __ The tooth has previously been redeemed for cash.
   
   
6. __ The tooth did not originally belong to you.
   
   
7. __ The tooth fairy does not process fingernails.
   
   
8. __ Your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action.
   
   
9. __ You were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy.
   
   
10. __ You were age 12 or older at the time your request was received.
    
    
11. __ The tooth is still in your mouth.
    
    
12. __ The tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit.
    
    
13. __ No night light was on at the time of our visit.
    
    
14. __ The snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing.
    
    
15. __ We discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
    
    
    1. __ String.
       
       
    2. __ Pliers.
       
       
    3. __ Gunpowder.
       
       
    4. __ Hammer marks.
       
       
    5. __ Chisel.
       
       
    6. __ Part of skull attached to tooth.
       
       
    7. __ No dental care.
       
       
16. __ Other.
    
    

Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy

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