Fine:

This is the word women use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut you up. Never use the word "fine" alone to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

 

Note:

The only acceptable way to use "fine" to describe how a woman looks is to say (in your best Barry White, Trace Adkins, or whomever is the current male singing idol, voice), "Baby, you look fine!"

 

As long as she thinks you want to have hot monkey sex with her like when you were first dating, and right now, she'll be "fine" with your answer.

Five Minutes:

This is at least ½ hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

Nothing:

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "five minutes" and will end with the word "fine."

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):

This is a dare; one that will result in a woman getting upset over "nothing" and will end with the word "fine."

Go Ahead (with normal eyebrows):

This means "I give up" or "… do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "nothing" and "fine," and she will talk to you in about "five minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh:

This is not actually a word but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that very moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing."

Soft Sigh:

Again, not a word but a verbal statement, "soft sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

 

Note:

Now could be a good time to, very slowly and carefully, begin some real romantic foreplay (at least an hour). This could lead to some of the best sex (or the only sex) you'll have all year.

Oh:

This word followed by any statement is trouble.

Example:

"Oh, let me get to that."

 

"Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night."

If she says "oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it or you will get a raised eyebrow "go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

That's Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retribution for whatever it is you've done. "That's okay" is often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and the raised eyebrow "go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do:

This is not a statement, this is an offer. A Woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "that's okay."

Thanks:

A Woman is thanking you. Do not faint just say, "You're welcome."

Thanks a Lot:

This is much different than "thanks." A Woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "loud sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh" as she will only tell you "nothing."

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