THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A REDNECK SAY:

• I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
• Duct tape won't fix that.
• Come to think of it I'll have a Heineken.
• We don't keep firearms in this house.
• You can't feed that to the dog.
• I thought Graceland was tacky.
• No kids in the back of the pickup...it's not safe.
• Professional wrasslin's fake.
• Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
• We're vegetarians.
• Do you think my hair is too big?
• I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
• Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.
• I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR.
• Give me the small bag of porkrinds.
• Deer heads detract from the decor.
• Spitting is such a nasty habit.
• I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-mart today.
• Trim the fat off that steak.
• Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. T
• he tires on that truck are too big.
• I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
• I've got it all on floppy disk.
• Unsweetened tea tastes better.
• Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
• My fiancee is registered at Tiffany.
• I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
• She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
• Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
• Hey here's an episode of Hee Haw we haven't seen.
• I don't have a favorite college football team.
• Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
• I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
• Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
• Elvis who?
• Checkmate.