The Story
Chapter 13
"Cosmic * Cosmic * Cosmic"
“Guys, did you hear?” asked Rina, running into the living room. “We were on the news!”
“What?!?” asked Joe, sounding more than a little upset.
“Yeah,” she said, continuing. “Kyle and I were mentioned this morning on the news. They had ‘word on the street’ polls and so forth about ‘the Supercools.’ Last night was our first public appearance, technically.”
“Oh, man!” shouted Joe. “We don’t want publicity! That’s gonna screw so many things up!” Joe’s tirade was interrupted by the doorbell. “Great,” said Joe. “What supervillain is that gonna be?” Chuck hopped up and opened the door.
“Nope,” he said, turning to Joe. “It’s just Captain America.”
“May I come in?” asked the Sentinel of Liberty.
“I guess,” said Joe, falling onto the couch in an unhappy heap.
“I’ll be frank with you young people,” Captain America said. “Our city is fresh off of a bad experience with the so-called ‘Thunderbolts.’ We can’t afford to have any copycats try to pull another fast one on us.” Joe prepared a protest, but Captain America raised his hand. “She-Hulk and Thor seemed to think you guys were alright, and the Fantastic Four liked you well enough, too. But the Thunderbolts fooled us all just as easily. Now since none of you wear masks, I assume you’d have no objections to a simple security scan.” Charles, Kyle, and Joe looked at each other.
“Uh… actually, we would,” said Joe. “Our identities are none of your business.”
“I see,” said Captain America, his voice developing a harder edge. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this…”
“It won’t have to come to anything if you leave us the hell alone,” Joe interrupted. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally respect you and all that, but for Christ’s sake, mind your own fucking business.”
“Please don’t use that word,” said Captain America.
“Okay, mind your own fucking affairs,” said Joe.
“There is no need for that sort of language, young man,” said Captain America.
“Yeah, okay DAD,” said Joe.
“I began to doubt your sincerity when I heard about the various weaponry you… accumulated.” The Democratic Do-Gooder seemed upset. “Now I’m convinced you kids are nothing but trouble.”
“Okay, okay,” said Joe. “I’ve got it. I’ve got the perfect solution.”
Charles, Kyle, Rina, and Captain America looked at Joe intently, eager to hear the perfect solution. “Why don’t you, you Captain America. Why don’t you BITE ME.”
“Alright, that’s it you little punk,” said Captain America, lunging at Joe. His fist curled around the center of Joe’s shirt. And then Captain America, Joe, and the other three Supercools vanished.
“Velcome, myn old enemy,” said the Red Skull in a disgustingly thick German accent. “I trust you are fameeliar with zis?” The Red Skull raised his rainbow-colored Cosmic Cube. “Zis is ze weapon OF YOUR DOOM!” With those words, the Red Skull fired a blast of black, red, yellow, green, blue, and orange light at Captain America. The Star-Spangled Hero was able to block the blow with his shield at the last moment, but the shockwave sent him tumbling across the floor of the Red Skull family home.
“Supercools, uh, Surround Them!” shouted Joe, wincing at his terrible excuse for a battle cry. The Red Skull glanced up, noticing his extra guests for the first time. “My varriors vill keep yu okeupied,” he said. With a gesture, the Red Skull summoned six muscular humanoids into being, each a different color of the Cosmic Cube. The black, blue, orange, red, yellow, and green men ran at the four teens.
Suddenly, Captain America’s shield slammed hard into the Red Skull’s wrist, then bounced its way back to its owner. The Red Skull cried out in pain (Ach!), and dropped the Cosmic Cube. Immediately, Rina was there, scooping the weapon into her hands. Unfortunately for her, the Red Skull had already recovered, and was moving to catch the Cube. Instead, he caught Timeslip’s ankle, sending her to the floor and the Cosmic Cube into the air.
Charles would have caught it, but the Black Cuboid tackled him at that moment. Chuck fell to the ground, just short of reaching the Cube. As Orange bent down to pick it up, Charles used his newly-discovered explosions to send the Cube ricocheting off the wall and back into the center of the room. Kyle and Red both grabbed the Cube. Red wrenched it away from Kyle, but Joe’s power blasts made Red drop it, too. Captain America was there to catch the Cube, but a simultaneous double-team by Yellow and Green sent the Captain to the floor and the Cube flying into the air. It clattered to the floor at Joe’s feet.
Joe picked up the Cosmic Cube, knowing full well that he’d never be able to hold it long enough to tap its energies. Instead, he did the only thing he could think of. He twisted it. Hard. Asgardian strength plus Wonder Glove grip plus Cosmic Cube-fueled energy poured into Joe’s hands as half of the cube was shifted radically out of alignment with the other half. As the colors overlapped onto one another, the Black Cuboid shattered in a fury of sparks. Joe continued twisting and turning the Cube, splattering the colors on its surface across all six sides until all of the Red Skull’s lackeys were gone. Before he could accomplish any more, however, Joe was knocked to the floor by the Red Skull’s boot.
“Yu Adiot!” cried the Red Skull, recovering the Cosmic Cube. “You have corrupted ze energies of ze Cube. It is vorthless! Vorthless!” Hopelessly, the Red Skull began to twist at the Cosmic Cube, trying desperately to realign the dimensional energies. With all his attention focused on the Cube, the Red Skull never saw Timeslip jog next to him, and knock the Cube from his hands. Charles leapt to the floor beneath the Red Skull, catching the Cube as the Red Skull planted a foot on Charles’ throat.
“Kyle,” Charles gagged, “Catch!” He tossed the Cube to Kyle, who caught it on the first try! Kyle’s fingers flew across the surface of the Cube, shifting colors up, down, left, and right, until, in a manner of moments, he had the Cube restored to working order.
“Yez!” shouted the Red Skull. “Give it to me, or I vill kill your friend.” Kyle shrugged, and blasted the Red Skull with a beam of tremendous force. The villain flew against the far wall, then fell to the floor, unconscious. With the Red Skull’s concentration gone, the Cosmic Cube fell to pieces on the floor.
“Oh damn,” said Kyle.
Twenty minutes later, Joe and Captain America were regaining consciousness, and the Red Skull was trussed and gagged in the corner.
“Well,” said Captain America, just maybe blushing under his mask. “I suppose that was a pretty fine job you young people did today. But I’m warning you- cross the line, and the Avengers will be there to put you right. Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” said Charles.
Joe cupped his hand and lit a cigarette from his flamethrower.
“You know,” said Captain America, turning to Joe, “Cigarettes will kill you.”
“Go save a kitten,” snapped Joe.
“I trust you will be able to find your own way home?” said Captain America, not really waiting for an answer to the question. “Don’t hang around here- it’s an evil place.” With that, the All-American Avenger turned, and walked confidently out of Skull House.
Joe took another drag from his cigarette. As he prepared to exhale the smoke from his lungs, the smoke, his lungs, Joe himself, and the world around him froze in time. The Supercools disappeared from Skull House, the victims of yet another maniacal plot.
Back to Chapter 12
Chapter 14
Back to the homepage