The Story

Chapter 14

"How Low Can He Go?"

A thick fog swirled around Kyle, Joe, and Charles. The fog was moving, but they weren’t. Kyle was thinking about Rina, and where she might’ve disappeared to. Charles was thinking about how utterly disgusting it felt to be completely frozen in time, unable even to twitch. Joe was thinking about Angela Bassett and the smoke in his lungs, making about a thousand ‘Waiting to Exhale’ jokes before finally all three of the young men could move again.
“Where are we?” asked Kyle.
“Welcome to Limbo,” said Kang the Conqueror. “And welcome to my most amazing plan yet.”
“Limbo, of course!” shouted Joe. “The Avengers have been here plenty of times before!”
“Technically,” said Kang, “They’ve been here plenty of times right now. Limbo is a place that transcends time as you comprehend it. That is part of my diabolical plan. You see, I was considering my many battles against the Avengers in the past, and the state of the multiverse as it exists now. I began to realize that I have beaten the Avengers, destroyed them, on many occasions. Just not in ‘my’ reality. So now I propose to make ALL realities my reality- by collapsing the multiverse into one specific timeline of my choosing. I will rule everything!
“Of course,” Kang continued, “I have you ‘Supercools’ to thank for my stunning victory.” As Kang waved his hand, an incredible machine, at least ten stories high, faded into view. In the center of the machine, in a large glass bubble, was Rina, the chronal energy being sucked from her body at a tremendous rate. Rina herself was conscious, but weak, managing nothing more than a weak moan at the sight of her friends. “Timeslip’s energy will fuel my machine,” Kang cackled. “And to think- you restored her powers to her and to me!” Kang threw his head back and laughed.
“We’ve got to save Rina!” shouted Kyle.
“And the timestream!” shouted Charles.
“Not so fast!” giggled Kang. “Now comes the part when you fight my Legion of the Unliving!”
“Shades of those heroes and villains who are dead as a result of our actions, or have not yet been born to menace us, plucked from the timestream and devoted to Kang’s will,” said Joe, flicking his cigarette into the depths of Limbo.
“We know what the Legion of the Unliving is, Joe,” said Kyle.
“Yeah, but someone always has to introduce them anyway,” replied Joe.
Three forms began to take shape in front of the Supercools. The first was a knight in full armor, shining with a magenta glow. Brandishing his Magenta Sword, the knight spoke, “Do you remember the Magenta Knight, Supercools? Or have I not yet been created? Regardless, I shall slay you know, as you have slain me.”
“But not before Occam’s Razor has had his way with you,” said the next man, stepping from the passages of Time. He was a young man, with long, braided blond hair, and dressed in the style of Marvel, circa 2099. “We ourselves have never met,” continued the Razor, “But I am anxious to pit my own powers against yours.”
The last man didn’t so much step from the passages of Time as sort of stagger out of them. “I-“ began the man, pausing to catch his breath and take another swig from his whiskey bottle. “Am the Terrifying Mitch. You beat my Frightful Four but-” He took another drink, “Now I shall destroy you!”
“No fair!” Joe shouted at Kang, “The Terrifying Mitch isn’t dead, we just fought him!”
“No,” said Kang, waving a finger curtly, “You fought ‘the Scavenger.’ Bob Schofeld’s identity as ‘the Terrifying Mitch’ is dead. Thus, ‘the Terrifying Mitch’ is Unliving.”
“Dude, that is soo cheating,” said Joe.
“Tough shit,” said Kang. And then the battle was upon them.

“Are you familiar with the concept of Occam’s Razor?” asked the punk from Nuvo Sol, in Marvel’s distant future.
“Yeah,” said Joe, using his ‘do I look like an idiot?’ tone. “William of Ockham said that everything can be boiled down to its most simple form, and then it is absolutely true.”
“Right,” grinned the young man, pulling a real razor from his coat. He snapped his fingers, and Joe’s hypno-jacket disappeared. “Let’s work on shaving you down, shall we?”
“Your skills have atrophied since last we fought,” said the Magenta Knight, swinging his sword at Charles. “Have you not yet developed the powers with which I was defeated, Sir Negative?”
“I guess not,” said Charles, trying desperately to stay one step ahead of the villain’s weapon.
“Pity,” said the Magenta Knight. He swung his sword at Charles’ head. This time, Charles brought his hand up, and caught the blade. His hand stung for only a moment, but the blade never wavered.
“What’re you gonna do now, No Sword Boy?” asked Charles.
“Mock me at your own peril,” answered the Magenta Knight. From the tip of his sword flew a shining bolt of Magenta Energy. The blast caught Charles squarely in the chest, and sent him flying off somewhere into Limbo.

“Eat Hot Bottle of Whiskey Death!” cried the Terrifying Mitch, lunging at Kyle. The drunkard’s weapon slammed into the side of Kyle’s face, knocking the hero to the ‘ground.’
“Ow!” said Kyle. “That really hurt!” He wiped the blood from the side of his face, and tried to stand to his feet. Before he could, though, the Terrifying Mitch kicked Kyle twice in the stomach.
“I’ll bet you didn’t know that I used to be a- hold on,” said the Terrifying Mitch. He turned to one side, vomited once, and then continued pummeling Kyle. “I used to be a Marine,” he finished. Kyle wasn’t listening. Kyle was too busy choking on his own blood.

>SNAP< Joe lost his Wonder Glove. >SNAP< Bye, bye Belt of Strength. >SNAP< No more flamethrower. >SNAP< No more Glue Grenades. >SNAP< There went Dr. Strange’s ring. “Okay, okay,” said Joe, more than a little frightened. “There’s no need to make me naked.”
“No,” said the Razor. “Only dead.” He raised his razor high, and brought it ripping down through the warm flesh of Joe’s throat.

Charles’ movement was finally halted when he slammed into yet another Kang in yet another part of Limbo.
“Thanks,” said one of this Kang’s opponents, helping Charles to his feet. “He would’ve killed us for sure, if not for your help.”
“Oh my God!” shouted Charles, finally getting a look at the man helping him to his feet. “I can’t believe it’s you! I can’t wait to tell Joe and Kyle! Joe will be so excited! This is great! I’ve got to get back there, back to help my friends!”
Charles ran back in the direction he came. He didn’t know that his friends were already dead.

That’s right, they’re dead, thought Rina. Joe and Kyle, and probably Chuck, too. They’re dead, and it’s all because you got your stupid powers back. Well, it’s not too late to save them, if you could just concentrate. Ignore the pain. Concentrate. Concentrate.
Rina was back on Monster Island, standing next to a very much alive Kyle. There’s Joe, she thought. In a second, he’ll have the Time Gem. He’s the only one who can help me.
Gamora slammed her fist into Charles’ chest.

“Nooooo!” cried Kyle.
Joe looked over to his friend, sleepily. “Kyle?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you talking about?!?” Kyle screamed, shaking Joe. “We don’t have time for your stupid games! Chuck is dead, Joe- can’t you see that? Chuck is dead! Quit playing around.”
Joe looked to the ground in front of him, where Charles Curtis Hopkins II lay motionless. “Chuck?” Joe asked softly. “Chuck, are you dead?” Joe fell to his knees. He reached to check the body for a pulse when he realized that he couldn’t move his broken right arm. Tears began to form in Joe’s eyes.
As Joe choked back his crying, Timeslip ran forward, grabbing him by the shoulders to command his attention.
“Joe,” she said. “Joe, you’ve got to listen to me very carefully. You can not let me get my powers back- do you understand? The world, all time, everything depends on it! Do you understand?”
“Not now, Rina!” Joe cried. “Not now! Can’t you see that Chuck is dead?!?”
Joe closed his eyes and started to cry. Chuck is dead. Chuck is dead, and my arm is broken. Chuck is dead, my arm is broken, and something itches terribly on my forehead. Joe reached his left hand to his forehead to investigate the strange heat welling there.

Rina pressed her hands against the sides of her bubble-prison. Oh my God, she thought. Joe was right. I am going to get my powers back! Any further thoughts the past-Rina might have had were interrupted by the squeal of thousands of sirens.
“No!” shouted the man in purple, blue, and green. “A short circuit!”
The knight, the bum, and the punk faded away.
Then, Rina was back in her own body.

“I don’t know how you managed to, even for a moment, completely turn off your powers, girl,” spat Kang, “But you’ve caused my machine irreparable harm!”
“I’ve just enough energy left for one last time-jump,” said Kang. He pressed the single red button on a small red ball, and his weapons materialized around him. Kang vanished into the timestream.
“Charles!” cried Rina. “You’ve got to get me out of here! He’s going to stop me from stopping him from killing Joe and Kyle!”
Charles, newly arrived on the scene, picked his way over his friends’ bodies to where Rina was trapped.
“Actually,” came a female voice. “Allow me.”
“YOU?!?!?” said Rina.

Kang popped into Monster Island directly between Joe, Charles, and Gamora. All three went flying, landing together in a heap. Joe landed hard on his arm with a sickening ‘crunch.’
“Die!” shouted Kang, firing his blaster at Rina.
“Look out!” said Kyle, pushing Timeslip to the ground. Kang’s blast hit Kyle in the chest, leaving a smoking crater where once there had been human life.
Joe grabbed Gamora’s time-gem, and pressed it onto his forehead.

“Nooooo!” cried Charles.
Joe looked over to his friend, sleepily. “Chuck?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you talking about?!?” Charles screamed, shaking Joe. “We don’t have time for your stupid games! Kyle is dead, Joe- can’t you see that? Kyle is dead! Quit playing around.”
Joe looked to the ground in front of him, where Kyle Joseph Reeser I lay motionless. “Kyle?” Joe asked softly. “Kyle, are you dead?” Joe fell to his knees. He reached to check the body for a pulse when he realized that he couldn’t move his broken right arm. Tears began to form in Joe’s eyes.
As Joe choked back his crying, Timeslip ran forward, grabbing him by the shoulders to command his attention.
“Joe,” she said. “Joe, you’ve got to listen to me very carefully. You can not let me get my powers back- do you understand? The world, all time, everything depends on it! Do you understand?”
“Not now, Rina!” Joe cried. “Not now! Can’t you see that Kyle is dead?!?”
Joe closed his eyes and started to cry. Kyle is dead. Kyle is dead, and my arm is broken. Kyle is dead, my arm is broken, and something itches terribly on my forehead. Joe reached his left hand to his forehead to investigate the strange heat welling there.

Gamora delivered a high spinning kick to the side of Rina’s prison, shattering the bubble.
“Thanks,” said Rina, picking her way from the shattered wreckage.
“What are you doing here?” asked Charles.
“Last thing I remember,” Gamora said, “Is that we were fighting. Your friend, the second corpse over there, tried to grab my Time-Gem. I was thinking ‘I can’t be away from the gem for even a second,’ and somehow, it sent me here.”
“Because Limbo is a place without time,” said Rina, nodding.
“You’ll have spent ‘no-time’ away from the gem when you get back,” said Charles.
“Ah,” said Gamora, not completely understanding.
“I’m glad you’re here, though,” said Rina. “You can help us save our friends, and all of time while we’re at it.”
“Let’s do it,” said Gamora.
Rina took hold of Charles’ and Gamora’s hands, and activated her power.

Joe materialized on Monster Island just in time to see Kang aiming his weapon at Rina. “NO!” he shouted, grabbing tightly onto Kang’s arm. Kang’s shot went wide, arcing over Charles and Gamora to strike Joe squarely in the chest.
Joe turned to see himself drop dead. Kang seized the moment to jerk his arm free. At least one of Joe’s bones snapped in half.
Traumatized by witnessing his own death, Joe activated the Time Gem spontaneously, sending his consciousness to a time of peace, a time when he was surrounded by friends.

“Nooooo!” cried Kyle and Charles.
Joe looked over to his friends, sleepily. “Kyle?” he asked. “Chuck? What are you two doing here?”
“What the hell are you?!?” Kyle screamed, shaking Joe. “We don’t have time for stupid games! Joe, our Joe, is DEAD, we can see that! Joe is dead! Quit playing around.”
Joe looked to the ground in front of him, where Joseph David Faust I lay motionless. “Chuck?” Joe asked softly. “Chuck, am I dead?” Joe fell to his knees. He reached to check the body for a pulse when he realized that he couldn’t move his broken right arm. Tears began to form in Joe’s eyes.
As Joe choked back his crying, Timeslip ran forward, grabbing him by the shoulders to command his attention.
“Joe,” she said. “Joe, you’ve got to listen to me very carefully. You can not let me get my powers back- do you understand? The world, all time, everything depends on it! Do you understand?”
“Not now, Rina!” Joe cried. “Not now! Can’t you see that I’m dead?!?”
Joe closed his eyes and started to cry. I’m dead. I’m dead, and my arm is broken. I’m dead, my arm is broken, and something itches terribly on my forehead. Joe reached his left hand to his forehead to investigate the strange heat welling there.

“Since all of time is meaningless in Limbo,” Rina said, “It’s never too late to change what we did in Limbo. If we move fast enough.” Rina released her hold on Gamora and Charles, and time, such as it was, reset itself.
She was there, back in her bubble, and the rest of her team was about to fight the Legion of the Unliving.

“Eat Hot Bottle of Whiskey Death!” shouted the Terrifying Mitch, brandishing his bottle-weapon. He brought his arm crashing down towards Kyle’s head. His hand missed by a few inches. The bottle was nowhere to be found. “Looking for this?” asked Rina. She tossed the whiskey bottle (which she’d snatched away at lightning speed) from hand to hand. She blurred, and soundly beat the Terrifying Mitch with his bottle. The villain faded from view, like a destroyed video game enemy.

The razor-raising Occam’s Razor raised his razor high into the air, preparing to slit Joe’s throat. Something grabbed his wrist.
“I don’t think so,” said Charles. Occam spun to face Mr. Negativity. Charles’ right hand was holding the villain’s wrist. Charles spread his left hand in front of the villain’s face.
“It’s beautiful,” said the villain, tripping out on Charles’ hand.
“Check this out,” said Charles. Several tiny explosions shot from his hand, ridding the villain of his face. As Occam’s Razor began to disappear, Joe kicked the villain’s corpse in the stomach.
“Yeah, simplify this, you bastard!” said Joe.

The Magenta Knight’s sword began to glow. Suddenly, Gamora grabbed the armored warrior’s head. With a twist of her arms, she snapped the knight’s neck. Charles of the past was saved from flying through Limbo. Charles of the present noticed, and was reminded of his strange encounter there.
“Oh, yeah, that reminds me,” said Charles. “Joe, you’ll never guess who I met!”
“Whom I met,” said Joe.
“Fine,” said Charles. “You’ll never guess whom I met.”
“Tell me later,” said Joe. “Right now, we don’t have the time.
“Gamora,” he continued. “You haven’t lived it yet, but we saw you again when you get back from Limbo. And you’ve got the Time Gem. When you get it back, send it to yourself here in Limbo, okay?”
“Um, alright,” said Gamora, thinking really hard. The Time Gem appeared in her hand.
“Now, give it to me,” said Joe. Gamora was too confused to refuse. Joe put the gem on his forehead, and jumped back in time.
“Trashcan,” said Keanu Reeves. “Remember the trashcan.”

“Well, that didn’t work at all,” said Joe, rematerializing in Limbo. “All I did was get myself killed.”
“Maybe if we all went back in time,” said one of the two Rinas.
“Good idea,” said Joe. “Everyone, link hands.” Charles, Charles, Kyle, Gamora, Rina, Rina, and Joe joined hands. Joe concentrated, and they all jumped back into the past.

Rina, Kyle, Joe, Charles, Kang, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, and Turbo stared as Charles, Charles, Kyle, Rina, Rina, Gamora, and Joe materialized in front of them.
“Can’t forget this,” said the oldest Joe, using his Asgardian strength to snap his arm in half. The pain was intense, so Joe jumped into his own past, to a time of greater comfort.
Meanwhile, Kang gave up, and just set his vest on self-destruct. Only the original four Supercools survived.

“Oh my God, Kang killed Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, Joe and I,” said Kyle. “You bastard!”
Joe looked over to his friend, sleepily. “Kyle?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you talking about?!?” Kyle screamed, shaking Joe. “We don’t have time for your stupid games! Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, you and I are dead, Joe- can’t you see that? Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, you and I are dead! Quit playing around.”
Joe looked to the ground in front of him, where Charles Curtis Hopkins II lay motionless. “Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, Kyle and I?” Joe asked softly. “Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, Kyle and I, are you dead?” Joe fell to his knees. He reached to check the body for a pulse when he realized that he couldn’t move his broken right arm. Tears began to form in Joe’s eyes.
As Joe choked back his crying, Timeslip ran forward, grabbing him by the shoulders to command his attention.
“Joe,” she said. “Joe, you’ve got to listen to me very carefully. You can not let me get my powers back- do you understand? The world, all time, everything depends on it! Do you understand?”
“Not now, Rina!” Joe cried. “Not now! Can’t you see that Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, you, you, Kyle and I are dead?!?”
Joe closed his eyes and started to cry. Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, Kyle and I are dead. Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, Kyle and I are dead, and my arm is broken. Kang, Gamora, Gamora, Pip, Drax, Moondragon, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Powerhouse, Turbo, Chuck, Chuck, Rina, Rina, Kyle and I are dead, my arm is broken, and something itches terribly on my forehead. Joe reached his left hand to his forehead to investigate the strange heat welling there.

“Alright, this is just getting ridiculous.” The Guardians of Time stepped onto the Supercool’s plane of reality. “We shall set right that which you have destroyed, and you will remember none of what transpired. Try not to fuck it up this time, eh?” They gestured, and time was restored.

Chapter 14

"Or, It Could Have Happened Like This"

[Insert “Clue” music here]

“Boy, I sure am glad that we just got done beating the Red Skull,” said Joe.
“Yeah, me, too,” said Charles.
Suddenly, Kang appeared in front of them. “You, young Timeslip, will power my grandest scheme yet,” said Kang.
Rina closed her eyes, and time unfolded in front of her.

“Nooooo!” cried Kyle.
Joe looked over to his friend, sleepily. “Kyle?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you talking about?!?” Kyle screamed, shaking Joe. “We don’t have time for your stupid games! Chuck is dead, Joe- can’t you see that? Chuck is dead! Quit playing around.”
Joe looked to the ground in front of him, where Charles Curtis Hopkins II lay motionless. “Chuck?” Joe asked softly. “Chuck, are you dead?” Joe fell to his knees. He reached to check the body for a pulse when he realized that he couldn’t move his broken right arm. Tears began to form in Joe’s eyes.
As Joe choked back his crying, Timeslip ran forward, grabbing him by the shoulders to command his attention.
“Joe,” she said. “Joe, you’ve got to listen to me very carefully. You can not let me get my powers back- do you understand? The world, all time, everything depends on it! Do you understand?”
“Not now, Rina!” Joe cried. “Not now! Can’t you see that Chuck is dead?!?”
Joe closed his eyes and started to cry. Chuck is dead. Chuck is dead, and my arm is broken. Chuck is dead, my arm is broken, and something itches terribly on my forehead. Joe reached his left hand to his forehead to investigate the strange heat welling there.

“Oh, nevermind!” said Kang. He threw down his little red ball, and then disappeared.
“Sweet!” said Joe. “Little red ball!” He picked up the Chronal Equipment Storage Unit (nicknamed the ‘sez you’), and put it in his pocket.
Then, the Supercools went home.


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