Joe blinked, and realized he was back in Doom’s castle. Charles, Access, some young guy with reddish-blond hair, and Doom were there, too, everyone shaking off the effects of a massive universal upheaval. Joe pulled himself to his feet by propping himself against Doom’s worktable, and realized he was pulling himself to his feet by propping himself against Doom’s worktable. First, Joe picked up his CESU from where Doom had left it lying and quickly activated it, bringing all of his Scavenged goods back. Next, Joe grabbed the first gun-like-looking thing and aimed it at Dr. Doom. A beam of white light and a shrill noise came roaring from the weapon, knocking the great Latverian King to the floor. The gun began to smoke, and Joe tossed it aside just before the weapon short-circuited and exploded. Joe grabbed the next thing he could find, which looked like nothing but a pager, and turned to see how his friends were doing. Access was now completely to his feet, Charles just behind him. The young mystery man was still slumped over, unconscious. Charles began to drag the man towards the portal Access had summoned. Joe looked longingly back at the table full of cool-looking stuff, then ran to help his friend.
Access, Charles, and Joe, carrying a cute young man jumped through the portal which had mysteriously appeared in the dungeon seconds earlier. Rina cradled Kyle’s head in her lap, trying to will him back into full consciousness. Charles gaped when he saw his friend in a romance-induced stupor.
“I’m sorry,” Rina said. “I guess I’m just too good at this.”
Joe flipped first Kyle then the nameless young man off his back as they wandered from yet another of Access’ portals into their Supercool apartment. Joe left the young man on one couch as Access beelined for the other. Rina dragged Kyle into bed, then headed for her own. Joe and Charles headed for their respective beds, and crashed.
* * *
Dr. Doom stroked his iron chin with his gauntleted hand. “You have escaped me today, Supercools. But you shall soon hear from Doom once more.” In the still Latverian night, a madman laughed triumphantly.
* * *
Joe soared like an eagle over his somewhat neglected home in Greenwood, Indiana. He turned a double spiral, then landed on his back porch. Somehow, Joe stepped outside of himself, and watched himself as he began to sing.
Our dimension is the place to be.
The Laws of Physics are all right with me.
No villains who would see us dead…
Skip this shit let’s just go home instead.
Charles pirouetted gracefully from Joe’s window. He was dressed only in a hot pink nightgown with ruffled fringe. He began to sing in a thick Bavarian accent.
New York is vhere I’d rather stay!
Compared to zis our lives are dull and gray!
I just adore heroic duels.
Darling, I love ya, but give me the Supercools!
Our Stuff!
We’re Tough!
No Fights!
Our Tights!
We should all go…
But I still say no!
Kyle, Rina, She-Hulk, Jim Hammond, Rogue, Gambit, the Terrifying Mitch, Mephisto, Access, Powerhouse, Turbo, the Ringmaster, Thor, Captain America, the Flaming Queen, and Laney Mauler all poured from the sidelines to join in a kickline as Joe and Charles sang their closing line.
When will we get home?
* * *
Joe woke up screaming. He slipped on a pair of jeans, and wandered into the living room. Charles, Kyle, Rina, and their new houseguest were talking to Dwayne in the kitchen area.
“Ah, Joe, you’re awake,” said Dwayne. He seemed flush with embarrassment. “I was just explaining our difficult situation to your housemates.”
“What situation?” asked Joe sleepily.
“My accountant contacted me recently about some… significant expenditures on the credit card I gave you. That sort of violates the agreement I thought we had. Plus, I wasn’t really expecting you guys to live here forever, and certainly not bring in new roommates. That violates our agreement, too.”
“We didn’t-“ Joe began to protest. Dwayne held up a hand.
“Then, there’s this business about you guys being a superhero team. Everyone knows that this is your ‘headquarters’ now, and you’ve already seen what kind of problems that causes. My insurance won’t cover this damage, you guys. I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Dwayne paused as the news sank in. “I’m not a total monster, though. I’ll have to take back most of the stuff you bought, of course, but the money I’ve already spent is my gift to you, along with this.” He handed Rina a wad of bills. “There’s about $1500 there. That’ll get you guys a place to stay while you work something out.” Dwayne turned and walked out in silence.
Charles turned to look at Kyle, who only stared blankly back.
Joe turned to look at Kyle, who only stared blankly back.
Rina turned to look at Kyle, who only stared blankly back.
The new guy turned to look at Kyle, who only stared blankly back.
Everyone looked expectantly at Kyle.
“What?!?!?” asked a very puzzled Kyle.
“Oh damn,” Charles, Joe, Rina, and the new guy said in unison.
“What are we going to do?!” Charles asked. He turned expectantly toward Rina.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” Rina said. “I’ve let the lease on my apartment lapse.”
“Lapse?!?!” said Charles. “You’ve been here for three days!”
“Hey, the place was disgusting,” Rina said. “I sort of said some things to my landlord I shouldn’t have.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Joe interjected. “I have a better idea anyway.” Everyone turned to look at him. “I just woke up from this… unusual dream. It was about home. Now, don’t everyone look at me like that. I was just thinking that we might have some sort of equivalents in this dimension. At the very least, I’m wondering if our homes stand in the same places in the Marvel Universe. And the last time we were in Indiana, we didn’t really stop to check on things like that. I say we pick up, and head back to Indiana, like a vacation. And, if that works out, who knows? I’ve never seen the West Coast, in any dimension.”
“ROAD TRIP!” shouted Rina.
“Sounds great!” said Charles.
“I shall remain with you, for the nonce,” nodded Kyle. Then, he added, “What?”
“I’m in, too,” said the new guy.
“Not without a costume you’re not,” Rina said, running to pull a spare uniform from the closet.
“Um… okay,” said the new guy. “By the way, everyone, my name is Milo.”
“Milo?” asked Charles.
“No, seriously,” said Joe.
“Yeah, my name’s Milo,” said Milo.
“Nice to meet you, Milo,” said Rina.
“Well, everyone, pack your suitcases,” Joe said. “I’ll go warm up the (God help us all) Supercoolmobile.” Rina and Charles left to pack the few things they intended to keep. Kyle and Milo simply sat down on the couch. Kyle didn’t have the ambition, and Milo lacked the opportunity to take anything along. As Charles and Rina came out of their bedrooms, Joe came rushing downstairs on the verge of tears.
“Those bastards!” Joe blurted out, waving a twisted hunk of scrap metal. “Dr. Doom’s henchmen scrapped our Pogo Plane. Supercoolmobile. Whatever. They scrapped it. Now how are we going to get to Indiana?”
“Actually,” said Milo. “I think I can help.”
A few minutes later, the five Supercools were on the road, themselves and their wordly possessions stuffed into a lime green van with black squiggles all over it.
“There’s something very familiar about this van,” said Joe.
“Nah,” said Milo. “That’s just your imagination.” He climbed into the driver’s seat. Rina joined him, riding shotgun. Charles, Joe, and Kyle piled into the back. The trip was on.
“Sooo, Milo,” Rina said, awkwardly trying to make conversation. “Tell me a little bit about yourself.”
Milo shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to respond. “There’s not a lot to tell, really,” he said. “I… I recently broke off a long-standing relationship with a bunch of friends of mine.” Rina tsked pityingly. “Oh, no,” Milo continued. “I really abandoned them. They, um, they reminded me of someone I was trying to forget. Someone I really loved. She- she died, you see, and I just didn’t have the heart to hang around them anymore. I’ve just sort of been wandering since, you know, doing whatever.”
“Oh, Milo, I’m sorry,” Rina said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have asked if I had known.”
“No, it’s okay,” Milo said. “I really needed just to sort of talk about it, you know?” Rina turned to watch the scenery for a while. Neither she nor Milo was really sure what to say next.
“What about you?” Milo broke the silence. “How long have you known these guys?”
“Actually?” Rina said. “It’s only been about a week.”
“Really?” Milo inquired. “I kind of got the impression you were sort of serious with, um, Kyle."
Rina blushed. “We sort of fell into each other, I guess,” she confessed. “Lord, if I’d have known what a mistake that was.”
This time, it was Milo’s turn to feel awkward. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“No, it’s fine,” Rina replied. “Like you said, it’s good to talk. I guess we just rushed into a relationship or whatever. It turns out he’s not very interested in me, I guess.”
“His loss,” Milo said, smiling politely.
“Thanks,” Rina said. She turned back to the scenery.
“Well, this is fun,” said Charles. He really seemed to mean it.
“Yeah,” said Joe, snorting. “I just wish I could place the design on this van. It’s so familiar!”
“Means nothing to me,” said Charles, shrugging. “What about you, Kyle?”
Kyle looked up suddenly, as though surprised. “Huh?” he said. “You mean me? What?”
“Nevermind,” said Joe. He leaned back against his bundle of clothing and closed his eyes, determined to take a nap. Years of family vacations had prepared him for this day. Joe was asleep in minutes.
“Joe,” whispered Rina, gently shaking her sleeping friend.
“JOE!” shouted Charles, violently shaking his sleeping friend.
“Arise, Terran Fleshball,” spoke Kyle, poking two fingers into the eyes of his sleeping friend. Joe shook himself awake.
“Where are we?” asked Joe.
“Deerfield, Ohio,” said Milo. “We figured we’d stop for some rest.”
Joe looked around. They were parked in front of the SleepyTime Hotel. He stretched, looked through his wallet. "We can get two rooms; one for Rina and the four of us can share the other."
“I would prefer to have my own room.”
“Yeah, wouldn’t we all?” laughed Joe.
“But,” said Kyle, his eyes glowing with an inhuman ferocity, “I would prefer to have my own room.”
“Um, okay,” said Joe. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Five minutes later, Joe returned. He held up three keys. Kyle immediately snatched one.
“Milo and I can share a room,” Rina said, taking another one.
“Oh, okay,” said Joe. Everyone seemed too tired to argue, and he didn’t really care who spent the night where. Joe used his last key to let himself and Charles into their motel room.
Charles made a beeline for the first available bed.
Joe sat down on the second bed, and opened the small nightstand that separated his from Charles’. He pulled out a small Bible, waving it eerily at Charles. “Look,” said Joe. “’Placed by the Gideons!’ Oooh! Gideon’s a bad guy!” Charles was too asleep to appreciate the joke. Joe shrugged, and crawled under his own covers. He stayed awake for a while, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything that had happened so far. After an hour or so, Joe drifted back to sleep.
Rina unlocked their motel room and pushed her way inside.
“Oh, no!” she cried.
“What is it?” asked Milo, moving to protect Rina from whatever menace lurked inside the motel room.
“They must’ve made a mistake,” Rina said. “Instead of giving us two single beds, they’ve given us one double!” Milo blushed.
“That’s alright,” he said. “I’ll gladly sleep on the floor.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Rina. “You drove almost the whole way here. We’re both adults, we can share the same double bed.”
“I- I guess,” said Milo. “I’m too tired to argue.”
Rina and Milo slipped into the double bed together. In moments, they were both asleep. Some time in the middle of the night, they put their arms around each other.
As he slept in his own double bed that night, the entity currently known as Kyle began to dream…