The Story
Chapter 21
"The REAL Kyle Reeser, Where Are You?"
In exchange for saving her failing Bed and Breakfast, Talula Baird gave the Supercools a place to sleep and a few hot meals. By midday the next day, though, the heroes knew they’d better be on their way. They thanked Talula again, and then piled into the van.
“Well, I don’t think we should give up just yet,” said Joe as the Supercoolmoblie began to move. “Shall we head into Indianapolis? We could check Chuck’s apartment, and Kyle’s house.”
“Sounds good to me,” said Charles.
“Whatever,” said Milo.
“Look out!” cried Kyle. Milo turned the van’s wheel sharply to the left, spinning the van to a sudden stop. Blocking the road was a giant spaceship.
“Oh, that’s my ride,” said Kyle. To the amazement of his friends, the alien Skrull resumed his natural form.
“Kyle’s a Skrull?” shouted Joe. “When the fuck did that happen??!?”
“We can worry about the whens later,” said Charles. “He’s getting away!” Sure enough, the Skrull had pushed his way out of the van’s back door, and was clamoring into his spaceship. The four Supercools burst from the van, and raced toward the ship. As the Vertical Take-Off/Landing roared to life, Rina, Milo, Joe, and Charles jumped on top of the metal platform.
“Over here,” shouted Milo. “I’ve found the entrance!” Milo pressed his palm against a nearby pad, and a small door slid open. Milo stepped just inside the ship, and gestured for his friends to follow. As they were by now several hundred feet in the air, the three young heroes did so very slowly.
Suddenly, the ship shifted itself to a vertical position, preparing for its launch into hyperspace. As the ship’s engines revved, Joe, Charles, and Rina found themselves sliding into the open air.
Joe felt around in his pocket for the activation switch on his CESU. Thumbing the button through the fabric of his shorts, Joe found himself instantly dressed in full Scavenger gear. Just as he arrived at the bottom of the ship, Joe dug his Wonder Gloved hand into the ship’s hull. The metal buckled momentarily, but held his weight. Rina and Charles weren’t so lucky.
From his comfortable position inside the ship’s open doorway, Milo saw Charles and Rina falling. Only enough time to save one, he thought. Charles, I’m so, so sorry, but we both know there’s no choice. Milo gestured, and thin metal wires branched lightning-fast from his hands. The wires knotted themselves into a single thick cable, which in turn wrapped itself around Rina’s wrist. The young woman’s fall was suddenly brought to a halt, and Milo used his power to slowly reel her in. Meanwhile, Chuck slipped off the edge of the ship.
Pushing the shock of Milo’s sudden revelation from his mind, Joe mentally raced for a way to save Charles. Shit, thought Joe. I really hope this works. He let go of the edge of the ship.
Charles was amazed to find himself in free-fall. As he felt himself sliding, he’d honestly believed his natural luck and/or natural agility would’ve been enough to save him from certain death. In fact, the only thing that amazed him more than the falling was Joe, wrapping his arms around Charles in what might’ve been an awkward attempt at a display of affection, had the two not been hurtling to their death.
“Charles Curtis Hopkins II, listen to me RIGHT NOW!” Joe shouted above the roar of the wind. “Captain Mar-Vell taps the Negative Zone to fly. You can do that, Chuck! Tap the Zone, Chuck! You can do it!” The hypno-jacket was just for added effect; it really wasn’t necessary. The adrenaline pumping through his veins, the urgency of their situation gave Charles all the focus he needed. His and Joe’s fall came to an abrupt end, then reversed itself. Charles and Joe flew pass Milo and Rina into the ship just as everyone took off for hyperspace.
* * *
Dylan Bauman had his life laid out for him. He was captain of the football team. He was a straight A student (since his teachers wanted good things for the football team). He was popular and good-looking. He was dating several of the school’s cheerleaders. Nothing could go wrong for Dylan, because no one in Kankakee, Missouri would let anything go wrong for Dylan.
Except five minutes ago, when they let a six-armed witch from another dimension kidnap him.
* * *
It’s a little-known but widely accepted fact that Skrulls don’t like coming to the planet Earth. The trip is long, and boring, and there aren’t nearly as many rest stops in hyperspace as one might like. And once you get there, what’s to do? I mean, sure, you could try to crush their civilizations under your imperial boot, but you can do that anywhere.
The ship which came to “rescue” Elyk (the Skrull formerly known as Kyle) was operated by a skeleton crew (because no Skrulls really wanted to go to the planet Earth). So, the Supercools learned that when you’re pissed-off and fighting for the life of a friend in a starship that’s warping billions of galaxies away from your home planet that isn’t even really your home planet, two or three Skrulls just don’t present much of a challenge. With all of the Skrulls (except one) unconscious and the ship on auto-pilot, the Supercools interrogated Elyk.
“Where’s Kyle?”
“On the Skrull Throneworld.”
“How did you replace him?”
“We killed two bailiffs and a judge, and faked a courtroom scene. We only had Kyle out of sight for a second, but that’s all we needed.”
“Why?”
“Because when I returned as Kyle, no one suspected foul play.”
“Huh? No, I mean ‘why did you kidnap Kyle?’”
“Our sensors noticed on two separate occasions that he was channeling enough raw cosmic force to trouble Galactus. We wanted that power.”
“Where is he? On the Throneworld, where is he stashed?”
“In our science center.”
“We have to see him. Give me directions.”
“I can’t. I’ll have to lead you there.”
“Why should we trust you?”
“I’m not such a bad guy. I mean, sure, the thought of roasting you all alive and feeding on your steaming flesh did cross my mind, but I didn’t act on it or anything. Basically, I just wanted to give our guys the chance to see what they could learn. I was just supposed to keep you busy for a little while. If you want to see him again, I’ll take you. Just don’t expect me to help you break him out.”
The ship lurched suddenly as it fell from hyperspace.
“We’ll be on the ground in one minute,” said Elyk. “What’s it going to be.” The Supercools looked at one another.
“I hate to say it, but I think we have to trust him,” said Charles.
“To lead us? How?” asked Rina. “I mean, are we going to fight our way through a whole city of Skrulls?” Everyone stopped to consider the enormity of the task they were about to undertake.
“Nope,” said Joe. “We’ll walk straight in, and walk straight out. In disguise.”
“Disguised as what?” asked Milo. Joe chuckled as he lit up a cigarette.
“Shapeshifters,” he said.
With the three Skrull officers tied securely in the core of the ship and Elyk back in his Kyle form, the Supercools stepped confidently onto the Skrull Throneworld. Much of the city was still under construction, as the Skrulls were recently occupants of the planet. Their original homeworld had been consumed by Galactus, so their interest in Kyle seemed almost forgivable.
“Back from your mission, I see,” said the Skrull guard who met them.
“Yes,” said Elyk. “And I have information which may be of use. I’d like to see the Science Team immediately.”
“Of course,” said the guard, saluting the Supercools. “I’ll tell the general to hold off on debriefing.” The Supercools returned the guards salute, then fell in behind Elyk as he wound his way through the city.
Five minutes later, they had arrived at the Science Center. Six Skrulls were pressed around Kyle’s suspended body, poking and prodding at him with all sorts of electronic gizmos. The Supercools cringed to see their friend so humiliated, but he didn’t seem to be in any real danger. They each decided to wait for the right time to strike.
“How goes the research?” asked Elyk.
“Ah, Elyk,” said the lead scientist. “Actually, we were just about to finish. It seems the Earthlings’ powers were nothing but a fluke. We’re running our last batch of tests, and then we’re going to kill him.”
“He’s of no use to us?” Elyk repeated. “He can’t possibly help the Skrulls at all?”
“That’s right,” said the scientist. “Sorry your mission was such a failure.”
“No,” said Elyk. “I’m sorry.” He morphed his fist into an anvil, and bashed the project leader over the head. The other Skrull scientists looked up in surprise, but they were quickly silenced by wire, fists, Negative Zone energies, and Wonder Blasts.
“Traitor,” spat the project leader, slipping into unconsciousness. Just before he fell, the Skrull scientist pushed the large red button marked “Security.”
“Grab Kyle and let’s get the hell out of here,” Elyk shouted over the alarm. Joe hoisted his friend’s unconscious body onto his shoulder, and the six of them took off back the way they’d come.
As they rounded the corner, the Supercools found themselves facing three battalions of Skrull guards.
“We can’t take them all!” shouted Joe.
“Back the other way!” said Elyk. The Supercools ran, and the guards followed. After a series of twists and turns, they came to a forked tunnel. “Left,” ordered Elyk. “It’ll take you back to the Starport! GO!” The Supercools ran.
The sixty-some Skrull guards continued to chase the alien invaders. As they wound their way through the tunnel, they came to a split.
“Which way?” asked the nearest guard.
“Nyah-nyah, can’t catch me!” shouted the red-haired Earthling known as Kyle. He bolted down the path to the right.
The sixty-some guards followed closely behind. In less than a minute, they had the Earther pinned in a dead end.
“I’m sorry,” said the Earthling. “But I had to. They forced me. It was Terran Mind Control.” Kyle shifted back into his Elyk form, and sixty-some Skrull guards groaned in disappointment.
Rina ran point, stunning those few guards left at the Spaceport. Milo, Charles, and Joe (still effortlessly carrying Kyle’s unconscious body) followed just behind. The Supercools ran back into their waiting ship. They’d only been gone for a few minutes so much of the ship was still space-ready. With lightning-speed, Rina learned and initiated the launch controls. The Supercools rocketed into space.
Kyle began to slowly regain his perceptions. He had no idea where he was. Everything looked, sounded, felt, and even smelled blurry. He was pretty sure he heard people talking.
“…been hit!” shouted a voice he didn’t recognize.
“We’ve cleared hyperspace,” said Rina, “But the computers are dead. The good news is any one of us can manually land the ship on Earth. The bad news is, according to these readings, we’re right in the middle of a cosmic storm. Whoever steps into the open room where the control panel is will be bombarded with deadly radiation.”
“I’ll go,” said the unrecognizable voice. “My wires should be able to shield me.”
“No,” said Charles. “I’ll go. My Negative Zone hands will absorb the radiation.”
“Maybe not,” said Joe. “Maybe they’ll only shield your hands. My forcefield will keep me safe. I’ll go.”
“I can get in there and out in seconds,” said Rina. “Maybe I can do it.”
Kyle still wasn’t sure what was going on. But he was pretty sure someone had to step into the room behind him, or everyone was going to die.
“I’m a hero!” slurred Kyle. He leapt through the door and began pushing every button he could find.
Charles was jarred awake by the landing. “Ugh,” he said, cracking his neck from side to side. “I must’ve blacked out for a second.” He looked around, and saw, Joe, Rina, and Milo equally recovering. They were lying next to their green van in the middle of the Greenwood street. The giant spaceship was neatly parked in front of them.
“Was it a dream?” asked Milo.
“Where’s Kyle?” demanded Rina. A booming voice, roaring with cosmic energy, answered her.
“There is no more Kyle,” said the being that looked remarkably like Kyle. “Now, there is only the Phoenix!” As if in illustration of his point, Kyle set himself ablaze with cosmic fire, which took the shape of a giant bird of prey.
“No!” shouted Joe, pouting. “No, no, no, no, NO! We are not going to do this ‘Phoenix’ bullshit!” He pointed an angry finger at the Kyle Phoenix. “You know goddamn well you’re just going to go insane, kill a bunch of people, and then commit suicide. Well, we’re not fooled. Give us back our Kyle.”
“But I love my host body,” whined the Phoenix.
“Don’t hand me that ‘host body’ crap,” commanded Joe. “You’ve got the real Kyle stashed somewhere. Now give him back!”
“I want to play Humans!” cried the Phoenix.
“Then why don’t you just invent a whole new identity for yourself??!” Joe spat back.
“I can’t!” moaned the Phoenix. “Who would I be?”
“Do I give a shit?” asked Joe. “Hell, does Pauly Shore exist in the Marvel Universe?” The Phoenix-Force plucked from Joe’s mind all of the information it could find about Bio-Dome, Son-In-Law, and every other cinematic travesty Joe had been subjected to by his brother in the past. The Phoenix quickly morphed into its newest form.
“This pleases me, mortal,” intoned the Phoenix. It gestured, and Kyle appeared once more before them. The Pauly-Phoenix crowed once, then soared into the air.
“Today, my friends,” Joe said somberly, “I have unleashed upon this Earth a great evil.” He lit a cigarette, praying he’d made the right decision.
Kyle’s eyes fluttered open. “What’s going on?” he asked.
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Chapter 22
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