The Story
Chapter 22
"I'm an Anomaly? You're the Anomaly!"
The Supercools didn’t even get a breather. As Joe, Charles, Rina, and Milo silently debated which one of them would catch Kyle up on his life, nine alien beings popped into the landscape around them.
“By orders of Opal Luna Saturnyne, Universal Majestrix, you anomalies are under arrest by the Technet,” said the tubby blue amazon who led them.
“Snee!” snee-ed the brown lizard-man on her shoulder.
“Belonging here you aren’t,” hissed the serpentine alien known as China Doll. “Coming with me to be my pet, you shall.” She wrapped her hands around Kyle, shrinking him in her arms until he was just one foot tall. She held Kyle limply, like a rag doll, delighting in her new prize.
“Kyle!” shouted Rina, running to his defense. Little did she realize that the alien known as Waxworks had appeared behind her. As he lightly touched Rina with one of his tentacles, Waxworks caused the young woman’s body to lose any hint of rigidity. She crumpled like a deflated doll.
“Don’t fret for your friends, you silly little man,” giggled Scatterbrain. She brushed her hands against Milo’s cheek. His neural synapses flared, and the young man’s mind was sent spiraling to places he’d never even dreamed of.
Before Charles could battle his opponent, the four-armed android Ferro V, he found himself suspended in mid-air by the energy bands cast from the power of the golden midget, Ringtoss. His powers effectively blocked, he could only watch as the monstrous Bodybags swallowed Rina whole.
Joe panicked. With everyone in danger and too many foes, he paused for a second to decide whom to attack. In that second, Joyboy made Joe’s fondest desire- to go home again- come true. A still-lit cigarette dropped to the ground as Joe disappeared.
Joe wasn’t wearing his Supercools uniform. He was wearing his IMAX uniform, back at work in the mainstream Marvel Universe. “Was I dreaming?” Joe asked no one in particular. He walked cautiously to the nearby bank of pay phones, and dialed the only number he could think of.
“Thank you for calling Marvel Comics, how can I help you?”
“No!” shrieked Kyle. “No more! Why can’t you all just leave us alone?” He wriggled his way free of China Doll’s grip, and ran flat out for Gatecrasher’s mammoth body. “I’m sick of this! I’m sick of you, and I’m sick of villains, and I’m sick of having no powers! And I’m sick of getting powers and then losing them! It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” Kyle scrambled up the side of Gatecrasher’s body, and began choking the life out Yap (the little lizard-man), all the while repeating, “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!”
“Gak! Mother! Mother, help me!” gagged Yap. “Agh!”
“Get off of me, you two,” said Gatecrasher, furiously. She began to beat her giant fists toward her back, but her grotesque form kept her unable to reach the struggling combatants. Gatecrash flailed wildly about, trying desperately to grasp or knock free the two tiny fighters. Yap held on to his ‘mother’ for dear life, and Kyle wouldn’t let go of Yap.
Eventually, Gatecrasher’s bizarre dance paid off for the Supercools. A single misswing from her bloated fists sent poor Ringtoss flying against the Supercoolmobile. Waxworks, Ferro V, and Bodybags whirled to face Charles as he dropped comfortably to the ground. Charles wrapped his hands around Bodybags’ throat as the alien tried to squirt Charles with his eerie bodily fluids. His nozzles blocked by Charles’ hands, Bodybags choked on his own narcotic, and fell happily into dreamland. Waxworks stretched a tentacle at Charles. Rather than try to dodge, Charles trusted his own powers to protect him. Reaching down, he grabbed the tentacle at what would’ve been the alien’s wrist. As Ferro V sliced at Charles with four golden swords, Charles poked the android in the chest with his newfound weapon. The android sparked and whirred as it lost all physicality. Waxworks jerked himself free of Charles as Ferro’s swords sliced Rina free of her biological prison.
“Can’t have you escapin’, now, sweetie,” said Gatecrasher as she wrapped her giant fingers around Charles’ head. Yap and Kyle had finally slipped free of her shoulders, and were now tussling on the ground nearby. “And don’t even think about using your powers on me, ‘cause they ain’t gonna hurt me.” Charles focused on his hands as he’d done before. Rather than just pushing energy from his hands, though, he concentrated on keeping the energy “solid” as it left his hands. Twin beams of Negative Zone energy blasted from Charles’ hands, not exploding until they neared where Joyboy floated gleefully. Rattled by the bombbursts, Joyboy released his hold on Joe.
“…not a prank call!” Joe yelled as he faded back into view. It took him just a moment to realize he was back.
Meanwhile, Rina shook herself out of the chemically-induced slumber. She ran lightning-fast over to Milo, and knocked Scatterbrain over with one good punch. China Doll reached toward Charles, who twisted violently in an attempt to get away. Just as her hands met his body, both realized that China Doll’s powers were blocked by the thick gauntlets of wire she was suddenly wearing. Before she could think to shrink away the wire, China Doll was knocked unconscious by a bolt of Wonder Energy.
As Kyle beat Yap into submission and Milo wrapped up Waxworks, Rina pounded the crap out of Joyboy. Joe walked calmly over to where Gatecrasher stood. Surging with Asgardian strength, Joe lifted the fat alien woman off her feet.
“Listen to me, and listen good,” said Joe. “We surrender.”
“Huh?” said Gatecrasher.
“What?” asked Charles, Milo, and Rina.
“What?” asked Kyle.
“You heard me,” said Joe. “We surrender. Not to you, I mean. We really kicked your ass. But to Saturnyne. She’s right; three of us, and well, apparently four now that I know who Milo is, don’t belong in this dimension. So tell her to send us home. Now.” The air shimmered as a strikingly beautiful blond woman faded into view.
“It is not my job to return you to your dimension, humans,” said Opal Luna Saturnyne. “It is my job to make sure you return yourself.”
“You can’t do it, can you?” asked Charles.
“Well, no,” said Saturnyne.
“And neither can we,” said Joe. “So I guess you’ll just have to put up with us for now.”
“Fine,” said Saturnyne. “Whatever. Just release my Technet, and you are all free to go.”
“Whatever,” said Joe. Saturnyne and the Technet faded from view.
“When Ringtoss was knocked out, the rings disappeared,” said Charles.
“And when Waxworks fell, we were solid again,” said Rina.
“Scatterbrain’s power disappeared when she fell over,” said Milo.
“Ditto for Joyboy,” said Joe.
“So why the hell didn’t China Doll’s powers reverse?” asked Kyle.
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Chapter 23
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