The Story
Chapter 24
"Things to do in Denver When You're Dimensionally Displaced"
“Well, that didn’t work quite right,” said Charles.
“No kidding!” shouted Eric. “I’m in someone else’s body!”
“Aw, our little Eric is becoming a man,” quipped Joe, not looking up from his cigarette.
“No, seriously!” shouted Tony. Joe looked up.
“Whoa!” he shouted. “You’re like, all new people!”
“Am I… black?” asked Amy.
“Indian,” confirmed Charles.
“Either way,” said Amy, “I’m hot!” She ran a finger across Harry’s cheek. “Don’t you think?”
“Uh, stop that,” said Eric. “I don’t really want to be having sex with another guy. I mean, another guy’s body. Not that I want to be having sex with another guy, either. That’s just not what I meant. I mean…”
“Calm down, Eric,” snapped Charles, in his most leader-ly voice.
“Oh sure, easy for you,” said Tony. “You’re actually in your own body. I’m in some tall, gangly blond guy named…” Tony rifled through his new form’s wallet. “Ben. Brixton.”
“Hey, don’t mock the tall, gangly blond power,” said Joe, puffing away at his cigarette.
“Wait a minute,” interrupted Charles. “Where’s Kyle?”
“Wow!” said Kyle, climbing out of the Supercoolmobile. font size = "-3"> “That is one big van!” His tiny widdle jaw dropped at the sight of his friends. None of them could help but snicker.
Ten minutes later, the group had reformed in the woods just outside of the rest area.
“Okay, guys,” said Charles. “Let’s face a few facts. We’ve obviously had our minds displaced into bodies of our nearest counterparts in an opposite dimension.”
“Eh, no biggie,” said Joe, dryly. Charles flashed him a look, and kept talking.
“I admit, my powers might have had something to do with it. But they’ve never done anything like this before, so I think someone on this end must’ve done something to initiate the change.”
“So whoever’s minds should be in these bodies are in our bodies instead?” asked Eric, in Harry’s body.
“Probably,” said Charles. Eric looked down at himself.
“I wonder how this guy likes being one sexy, sexy guy,” commented Eric.
“He must love his new body as much as I love mine,” said Amy. She tossed Rina’s hair back and struck a seductive pose. Charles eyed her nervously.
“ANYWAY,” he said, trying to reclaim order in the group, “I think we should try to figure out as much as we can about our bodies here, since maybe that will give us some idea how to reverse whatever happened.” Charles pulled his t-shirt off over his head, revealing a skintight maroon suit underneath. “Now, I noticed I’m wearing a costume under my clothes. Is anyone else?” Charles proceeded to undress into his superheroic clothes.
“I am,” said Amy, peeling off Rina’s clothing.
“Uh, me too,” said Eric, still staring at Rina’s, er, costume.
“Same here,” Joe added.
“And me!” piped Kyle from his perch on a nearby stump.
“Man, that’s a great costume Amy’s got,” muttered Eric.
“I guess I’m not a part of the team,” pouted Tony, now topless in Ben’s body.
“Don’t be too sure,” said Charles. “I found a spare costume in the van.” He tossed the clothes over to Tony, who caught them with ease.
“I’m just going to go change over there,” said Tony, pointing behind a large bush.
“Gee, are you sure we should be separated?” asked Joe. He was only teasing, but he made a valid point.
“Well I’m not letting you guys see me naked!” said Tony.
“It’s not your body,” Joe pointed out. Tony frowned, perplexed.
“Oh, just go change!” shouted Eric. Tony scurried off to do just that. As he did so, his teammates tried to figure out what else they could deduce.
“Our costumes have this symbol on them,” Charles gestured. “Like an ‘S’ and a ‘C.’”
“So we’re Society’s Champions!” Eric said, dramatically.
“Or the Sexy Centurions,” offered Amy.
“We might be ‘the Supercools,’” said Kyle.
“Yeah, Kyle,” said Joe, sarcastically. “I’m sure we named our superhero team after an old Starship song.”
“Actually,” said Charles. “If this world is anything like our own, and I’m sure it must be, since fully half of us are in our own bodies, we must be something like: ‘the Chaos Squadron.’”
“Hey, that’s pretty cool,” said Joe.
“I like it,” said Eric.
“Me, too,” said Tony, returning from his quickchange.
“Now then,” said Charles. “What about our powers? Obviously, Kyle can change his size.” Charles paused, and turned to look at Kyle, who was skittering through the trees, playing tag with crickets. “And I seem to have some sort of energy powers connected with my hands. But what about the rest of you. Try concentrating, one at a time, on that small spot in the back of your head where you activate your powers. Amy?”
Rina’s eyes closed, and Amy concentrated. Suddenly, everything moved at a super-slow pace. Even the normal sounds of nature slowed to a single, dull drone. “I’m a speedster,” she announced when the effect subsided.
“Are you sure?” asked Charles. He turned to face whomever was tapping his shoulder.
“Pretty sure,” smiled Amy.
“Me next!” shouted Eric. As he focused, the area surrounding the Chaos Squadron was blanketed with thick metal wires. After a few seconds, they cleared themselves away. “Cool!” said Eric. He turned away from his teammates, and spent the next few minutes getting the hang of his powers.
“I’m not actually sure I have any powers,” Joe said, opening his eyes. “But this might be part of them.” He pulled the small red ball from his pocket. “I found this when I was going for my lighter.”
“Sweet!” cried Eric. “Little red ball!”
“Go ahead and activate it,” said Charles, cautiously. “But let’s everyone be on their guard.” Joe’s finger stabbed the button. Suddenly, he was equipped with paraphernalia stolen and/or borrowed from other heroes and villains in the Marvel Universe.
“Well, this is… interesting,” said Joe. “Let’s see. Glove seems to be super-strong. Oh, plus there’s a button in the pinky.” Joe aimed the glove away from his friends, and fired. A swirling vortex of air formed near where Joe pointed. “Oookay,” said Joe. “Other hand. Is that- yep, that’s a flamethrower.” Joe pointed his gloved hand and the now-flaming tree branch, and fired. The vortex of air whirled around the fire, drawing away its oxygen. “Plus grenades, I guess, and a light saber, and this keen jacket.”
“That just leaves me,” said Tony. “And I can’t seem to make my powers work at all.”
“Maybe you are,” said Charles, “And the effects just aren’t immediately visible. Keep trying. Work on visualizing your powers in another way. In the meantime, we need to decide what to do next.”
“Codenames!” shouted Eric. “I want to be ‘Hardwire.’”
“I guess I’ll be ‘Enigman,’” said Tony. “Until we figure out what I can do.”
“’Cosmos’ describes my hands pretty well, I think I’ll use that,” said Charles. “Anyone know what the stripes on Kyle’s jacket mean?”
“Not me,” Joe shrugged.
“They’re sergeant stripes,” said Eric.
“So Kyle- wherever he is- can be ‘Sergeant Small,’” suggested Charles.
“And there’s no way anyone who dresses like this could be shy,” said Amy. “So I’ll bet my codename is ‘Fast Forward.’”
“I’ll be ‘Fetter,’” said Joe. “Would you believe it’s a quadruple reference?”
“Show off,” said Tony.
“First and foremost, it means an item of power, like voodoo dolls or magic wands,” Joe explained. “And since all of my abilities seem to stem from items, that’s only appropriate. Secondly, the word means ‘hinder,’ as in ‘to be unfettered.’ Since I’ll be acting to hinder crime, it works. Thirdly, it’s the nickname Shakespeare uses for Hero in ‘Much Ado About Nothing.’ AND,” Joe finished, beaming with pride, “Fetta is the Hebrew word for ‘homosexual.’”
Rina’s face twisted into a mixture of awe and amazement, with more than a little disgust thrown in. “Are you-?”
“Jewish?” Joe asked, cocking an eyebrow at Amy. He shook his head. “No. I just happen to know a little Hebrew.”
“But,” Amy sputtered. “Should you really be saying things like that about yourself? I mean, the body you’re in might not be… that way.”
“Dear,” Joe smirked, turning the word into an insult. “I’m wearing a lime green jacket with black stars. I THINK I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!”
“Okay, people, settle down,” said Charles. Everyone tried to look nonchalant about the disagreement between Amy and Joe. Sure, they were all mutants. Still, Joe’s was the sort of news that takes anyone by surprise.
Oh, and speaking of being taken by surprise: Six villains in gray jumpsuits came pouring out of the woods.
“I don’t know how you punks found us,” sneered Mr. Hyde, “But you can bet we’re not going back to that hellhole, the Vault. I’ll kill every single one of you before I let that happen!” Mr. Hyde lunged at Joe. Joe ducked under the big man’s mammoth arms. But, with remarkably fast speed for a man of his size, Mr. Hyde drove his left arm into the ground at Joe’s right. As Joe tried scrambling back to his left, Mr. Hyde’s right arm came pounding in front of him. Mr. Hyde leaned in at Joe, grinning wildly. Panic-stricken, Joe activated the flame-thrower in his left hand. Mr. Hyde’s hands instinctively drew up to protect his face, and Joe dug both of his heels into Hyde’s chest, and PUSHED. Mr. Hyde went flying several yards.
“That was slick, kid,” laughed Mr. Hyde. “But it didn’t hurt. Now I’m coming back for you, and I’m gonna break you in half.”
Sgt. Small loped across the terrain, not sure where his powers would be most effectively used. He tripped over someone’s foot. Someone’s tiny foot.
“Awww, did da supahewo fall down? I’m sorry.” Someone was speaking in the most obnoxious tone Kyle had ever heard. Not that Kyle had heard a lot of obnoxious tones, mind you. Still, he hated it. He picked himself up and turned to face a foot-tall, fat woman with bright magenta hair. “Thumbellina’s the name,” she said. Then, without warning, she threw herself at Kyle. Every time Kyle thought he might get a bead on the woman, she shrank herself to an even smaller size. Back and around him she leaped, landing punches left and right. Kyle fell to the ground under the assault. Thumbellina snickered.
It took Amy a second to realize what was going on. Once she had her bearings, though, she sped into combat as though she’d been doing it forever. As she blurred forward, however, she felt a hand grab her by the neck. Amy/Rina fell backwards, and looked up into the eyes of a pudgy old bald man. The man’s grip tightened on her throat.
“Slowing down time?” chuckled the man. “Me too. Guess that makes us evenly matched.” The villain looked down at the small stopwatch he carried. “In seven of the nine realities which I perceive,” said the man, “Ticktock has you beaten in the next six-point-two seconds.”
“Nothing to it,” chuckled Eric, standing like a triumphant fisherman over the entangled body of an obviously-escaped middle-aged woman. “If all of the villains in this world fight like my mom, I think we’ll be fine.”
“Ignorant fool!” snapped the woman, beginning to dissolve. “No one so easily captures Vapor!” Eric’s wires fell to the ground as a cloud of greenish gas swirled around his head. “Choke and die,” cursed Vapor. Eric coughed, and realized that’s probably just what he would do.
When Tony saw the half-man/half-rat creature known as Vermin leaping at him, he tried one last time to activate the powers he knew were there. When those powers didn’t kick in, Tony and Vermin collided, knocking both to the ground. Vermin began scratching and biting at Tony, leaving many shallow cuts and several deep ones. Tony did his best to stay away from Vermin’s claws, but he knew it was only a matter of time before one of those attacks did very permanent damage. Oh well, thought Tony. At least MY body won’t be killed by this rat-thing.
Charles had wanted to yell out something dramatic. Something like, “Chaos Squadron Advance!” or “Heroes Attack!” or even “Fuck ‘Em Up!” But, by the time he got around to shouting out battlecries, most of his team was well on his way to being defeated. Power Blast, thought Charles. At his mental command, twin beams of anti-energy flew from his hands, racing to the nearest villain. Halfway there, the blasts were stopped by the sudden appearance of a thick, black wall.
“Hee-hee,” giggled Blackout. “No, no, no!” At his mental command, three more black walls materialized around Charles. Above him, Charles could see the villain responsible, soaring back and forth on a small black disc. Tapping his cosmic energy, Charles tried to fly towards the top of the box. Not fast enough, thought Charles. I’m not as experienced at flying as my counter-self is. An inch-thick lid slammed its way onto the box, leaving Charles trapped in total darkness. As he reached out to feel his way around his prison, Charles realized that the walls were closing in.
“Somebody HELP!” he cried. “Everyone, switch partners!”
Switch partners? thought Joe. Oh, I get it. He waited until Mr. Hyde charged again, then rolled quickly out of the way. Grabbing his left wrist in his right hand to steady his aim, Joe fired his vortex-beam at the ground next to Eric. The sudden appearance of a low-pressure air pocket drew the poisonous Vapor away from Eric and into the swirling prison. As Eric drew in a deep breath, Vapor tried desperately to free herself by switching back to her human form. The swirling air slammed the helpless woman into the side of a tree, rendering her unconscious.
“Pass it on!” Joe laughed, before turning his attention back to the still-angry Mr. Hyde.
“Die, kid,” roared Hyde, wrapping his arms around Joe’s body. Blind terror and dumb luck collided as Joe triggered his Wonder Glove’s forcefield. That saved his spine. But only for the next ten or so seconds.
Eric looked over to where Amy was being abused by some old man. He grew angry at the sight of an innocent young woman being so bullied, but knew he could never act against the two physically. They were each moving at such monstrously fast speeds, he’d never get a punch in. Thinking back to his recent experiences with choking, Eric canvassed Amy’s area with his body’s powerful wires. She and Ticktock were held in place instantly. Ticktock turned to face his attacker. Eric twisted Harry’s face into the best Jim Carrey impression he could manage.
“Cable Guy,” mocked Eric, as he twisted his mutant metal cables around Ticktock’s throat.
The strange alien ropes disappeared as Ticktock lapsed into unconsciousness. At the same time, Amy felt the full force of her superspeed powers return. She stooped over Ticktock’s pudgy body, and lifted from his limp hand the stopwatch he’d used to taunt her. She began spinning it around on its cord, faster and faster, as she ran to where Tony was only barely keeping Vermin at bay.
“Bad dog!” shouted Amy, as she slammed the stopwatch into the side of the monster’s head. Vermin shrieked, and fell on his side. Amy continued adding a few high-speed kicks per second, waiting for Vermin to fall.
Thumbellina gathered her bulk, and charged at Sgt. Small, roaring in her tiny little fat woman voice. Suddenly, Ben’s hand swooped down from nowhere, hauling the mutant off her feet. Before Thumbellina could think to use her powers again, Tony dropped the villainess at about waist-height, and brought his foot up in a powerful drop-kick.
Thumbellina used her powers then, growing to her full human size. Her added bulk, though, just added momentum to her flying form. Thumbellina crashed into a tree, and then fell hard against the ground. She didn’t stir.
Just then, Blackout’s energy disc whipped by where Kyle was standing. “Sgt. Small to the rescue!” cried Kyle, grabbing at one of the villain’s Vault Standard-Issue Shoestrings.
“Whoa! What the hell are you?!?” cried Blackout, unsure of his own senses at the sight of a tiny little man beating on his shins.
“I’m a tiny little man,” said Kyle. “Boo!” Blackout’s warped, unstable mind cracked under the pressure. He began screaming, and shaking his foot like crazy. He was so terrified by his little attacker, Blackout didn’t notice that he was sending his disc careening into a tree.
Charles’ prison vanished as its creator knocked himself unconscious. All of the villains seemed to be taken care of, except one. Mr. Hyde tossed Joe’s limp body into the air, then brought his fist back to knock him silly when he came down. Charles pushed off with his feet, and soared into the sky. His hand curled around Joe’s wrist, safely carrying his friend away from Mr. Hyde.
“Th-thanks,” said Joe, who was obviously very shaken.
“No problem,” said Charles. He turned abruptly, and slipped low to the ground, where he gently deposited Joe before rocketing towards Mr. Hyde. The villain opened both arms, bracing himself against the charge.
At the last possible second, Charles stopped short. Instead, he launched two massive Negative Zone explosions into Mr. Hyde’s face. The villain stared for a moment, puzzled, then fell backwards.
“No problem,” Charles repeated.
“Good job, team!” Charles beamed. The six Vault escapees were tied together by Harry’s power, and the Guardsmen were en route.
“Indeed, quite an excellent performance,” said a powerful, female voice. Three sets of applause echoed around one another as Spiral emerged from the woods.
“Spiral!” shouted Charles. “Everyone, look out! Spiral is a devious, conniving witch with magical powers!”
“And,” Spiral said, sweetly. “I’m your best friend. Oh, Charles, you- Wait a minute! You’re not Charles! You’re some sort of dimensional aberration!” Spiral drew two of her swords. “I don’t know who you are, but if you’ve hurt the real Charles, I’ll-!”
“Wait!” shouted Amy, throwing herself between Spiral and Charles. “We didn’t do anything to these guys, I promise!”
“She’s right,” said Tony. “We’re not sure how we got here, but it definitely wasn’t on purpose.”
“Then you’d be willing to help me switch you back?” asked Spiral. With my magicks, I could easily return you to your proper dimension.
“I don’t know,” said Charles. “Trust Spiral?”
“Oh, Charles,” said Spiral. “You know you’ve been able to trust me since you saved me from Mojo, and helped me regain free will. Oh, but I guess you never did those things. Oh, if only the real Charles was here.”
“Screw the real Charles!” shouted Eric. He noticed Charles’ expression, and blushed. “I mean, that is, if you can get us home…”
“…then you should do it,” Charles finished. He sighed. “Yes, I suppose that’s our only good option. But I swear, if you try to trick us-!”
“You have my word of honor, sentients,” promised Spiral. “I will put you all back in your own dimension without harming you. And that is a pact I cannot break.”
“Okay,” said Charles.
“Then let us dance the spaces between dimensions,” Spiral said. “And the spaces between them. Let us return… to the Body Shoppe!” With a brilliant flash of light, all seven dimensional travelers flickered into the Mojoverse.
“From here,” Spiral said, “It will be child’s play to cast a reversal spell.”
“Let’s do it, then!” shouted Joe, impatient.
“One last word of warning!” cautioned Spiral. “Where your bodies have been taken, I cannot be sure. You might well materialize in the middle of a battle, or as prisoners of a hostile alien being.”
“Fine!” shouted Kyle. “Let’s go!”
Prisoners of a hostile alien being? thought Charles. Of course! WE’re not the ones she wishes to harm! She’s setting our other selves up! And we helped! We’ve got to- Charles opened his mouth to speak, but already it was no longer his mouth. As Spiral’s hands splayed, her spell was complete, and the members of the short-lived Chaos Squadron were once more thrown across the dimensions.
Back to Chapter 23
Chapter 25
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