The Story
Chapter 36
"They Might Be Giants"
Youth in Asia: the Thrilling Conclusion
The last thing Kyle remembered doing was fighting the Sign. Then, he was trapped (fully conscious) inside a giant stone hand. He heard people fighting nearby (they sounded like Joe and Chuck- is that possible?), and then the stone broke open. He looked down, and saw a carved rock, shaped like a doll, about a foot tall. And then, he passed out.
When he awoke next, Kyle was standing on a glass pedestal. The strange, yet familiar, shift in his natural center of gravity made Kyle instantly aware that he was only about a foot tall. A cursory inspection of his new body added yet another detail- he was made entirely of stone. I'm trapped in a stone, one-foot-tall body, Kyle told himself. This should freak me out so much more than it does. I remember Viper, and there was a chest, with this stone figure inside of it. And now... I'm in that stone figure. So Viper is probably around here, too. And I AM what she was looking for. So if I can only find a way to get a hold of S.H.I.E.L.D.- I can finish my mission in record time. Kyle quickly stiffened his body at the sound of approaching footsteps. Hopefully, whomever was nearby hadn't yet learned of Kyle's presence in the totem.
"Complete control of Madripoor," Viper said, picking the Kyle/totem up in one green-gloved hand. "I want you to cease your illegal activities in my country, and I will back away from yours. In return, you get this- the item of power your agents have been trying to track down."
"Had tracked down," a confidant male voice intoned. "Your agents stole it from mine."
"Is that how that happened?" cackled Viper. "Oh well. Nonetheless, I know of this item's power and-"
"Perhaps that is true," the man said again. "That you know of the item's power. But I am quite certain you know not how to tap into that power." The man stepped into Kyle's field of vision, and Kyle had to suppress a gasp. "That power will belong only... to the Mandarin!"
* * *
Meanwhile, at the edge of Earth's atmosphere, Joe and Charles were just finishing catching one another up on recent events.
"So anyway, I figured out how my powers work, gained a couple new powers, dispelled the myth of my missing brother, kicked Marauder ass, and refused to betray my ideals to join Mr. Sinister on the dark side, then went into battle against an omnipotent terrorist."
"Hmm. I got knocked out, fell out a window, ran from a dinosaur, got saved by a chick in a bikini, and pushed a woman down a flight of stairs."
"Sweet."
"Yeah."
The two teammates barrel-rolled away from one another, allowing a flying car to zip between them. They banked left, and aimed for the mainland.
* * *
"Look, I'm telling you, that was them!" CJ screamed. "That was Joe and Charles!"
"And all I'm saying is, I think I know what Joe and Charles look like. And that wasn't them. Close, but no cigar, all right?" Agent Ryker patted CJ shoulder, as if to drive his point home.
"For Christ's sake, they're my fucking parents! I-"
"And I'm sure they wouldn't want you talking like that, young lady. Now stop and think for a second. What if that was Joe and Charles? Who gives a shit? Kyle is still in Madripoor, and Kyle is the one we're going to save, right?"
"I guess," moped CJ.
"Good," said Ryker.
* * *
"I'll say it once more," said Viper. "Control of Madripoor's crime, or I'll destroy the doll." The Mandarin laughed.
"You couldn't possibly- why do you think it's so valuable to me?" he sneered. "Now, why don't you just give me the doll? Wouldn't that be best for everyone? Just put it in my hand. Here, hand it to me." Viper reached out, slowly, unsure, to put the doll in Mandarin's hand. Several times, she backed away at the last minute, but she always reached forward again. Finally, Mandarin snatched the doll from her hands.
Suddenly, a veil lifted from across Viper's face. Her eyes, open wide in innocence, narrowed themselves back to the snake-like visage she normally wore. Hatred spewed at the Mandarin. "You tricked me," she spat. "That Mento-Intensifier mind control ring you wear tricked me! But I've got power, this time, Mandarin! You'll be sorry you EVER crossed me!" Twin beams of plasma launched themselves at the Mandarin, who quickly threw up a Vortex shield to save himself. Kyle twisted his way out of the Mandarin's grasp, and scampered away.
"Foolish cow!" roared the Mandarin. "You've let someone touch the doll- there is already an essence within it!" Fire and electricity came roaring from his hands, slipping away ineffectually from Viper's force shield.
"You needn't concern yourself with that, Chinaman! You'll die before this night is over; you'll die by my hands!" The two continued to launch devastating attack after devastating attack at one another. Viper remained silent, her threats finished for a time. Mandarin, however, continued to speak, mumbling an ancient Chinese prayer under his breath.
Kyle scurried down the twisting and turning hallways of the Mandarin's castle, hunting for a way out. There didn't seem to be one. Suddenly, Kyle heard a tremendous roar outside. Something terrible was about to happen.
Just then, Kyle felt a hand tighten about his waist, as he was lifted into the air by a Chinese soldier. Undaunted, Kyle slammed his little rock fist into the man's wrist, then scampered up his arm to run his little rock head into the man's chin. The soldier dropped to the ground. Six more poured from another passageway, pointed at Kyle, and shouted at one another.
"Oh damn," said the little rock man, scurrying away as fast as his little rock legs could take him.
The Mandarin's repetitive chant finally reached the ears for which they were intended. An ancient evil, slumbering since it's defeat (last by Iron Man), was awakened. The world trembled as the enormous dragon rose to its feet, and began to shuffle toward the Mandarin's castle, heedless of the village which stood in its way.
Haiji was eight years old. She'd lived with her parents her whole life, and they'd never left the simple village where she was born. She thought she'd probably die in her village, some day, but she never expected it to be so soon. Haiji screamed as an enormous dragon raised its foot above her home.
Black and gold Nega-Blasts flung themselves against Fin Fang Foom's chest, sending the massive dragon sprawling backwards.
"You thought we'd have trouble finding Kyle," scoffed Charles.
"And to your left- Godzirra!" shouted Joe.
"I'll keep the big guy busy," said Mr. Negativity. "You try to track down Kyle."
"Roger that," said the Scavenger, swooping back towards the castle.
Fin Fang Foom scrambled to his feet. One of the pests was gone, but the other was still there. And aside from funny looking arms, he looked good enough to eat! The human gnat spun round and round about Fin Fang Foom, foiling every attempt he made to swat the puny mortal. Fin Fang Foom roared in frustration.
The little gnat dived in, stinging Fin Fang Foom right between the eyes. Fin Fang Foom screamed in displeasure, then laughed in delight. The little gnat didn't know what Fin Fang Foom could do. Fin Fang Foom opened his mouth wide, and unleashed a torrent of fire. The little gnat was completely engulfed in flames. When the smoke cleared, the little gnat was gone. Fin Fang Foom turned his attention back to the village.
Kyle had definitely taken the wrong path. He had a much better lead on the guards than he should have, considering the size of his legs, but he just didn't know the Mandarin's castle like they did. The passageway he'd chosen ended with a giant dragon-shaped stained glass window. The guards came pouring around the corner.
Suddenly, the glass came flying open, and in shot Joe (!) with all the power of cannonfire. He bowled all six of those guards over, lifting and throwing the ones who didn't quite make it to unconscious the first time.
"Joe!" shrieked Kyle.
"Kyle?" asked Joe. "Kyle, you're a doll!"
"I'm not a doll!" pouted Kyle.
"Are you a miniature representation of the human form?" asked Joe.
"Well, yeah," confessed Kyle.
"Then you're a doll!" Joe gleefully pointed out.
"This way," said Kyle, running back to where the had been battling the Mandarin.
The Mandarin's energy rings were like his children- he knew their every capability, they were bonded with him in a way no one else could understand. Their power was amazing. Nonetheless, their power had a limit.
Viper's power did not. With each successive blast of energy, Viper's control over her power grew and grew. Slowly, she was winning her battle against the Mandarin. That's when the little doll she'd scoured Asia for scampered back into view.
"It must be mine!" roared the Mandarin, subtly reaching out with his Mento-ring to influence Viper's thoughts.
"Never!" she screeched. Diverting a fraction of her power, Viper telekinetically lifted Kyle off the ground, and brought him to her hand. Kyle screamed as an overwhelming amount of cosmic power flowed from Viper's body, charging Kyle's latent power. Seemingly instantly, Kyle grew to a tremendous size, tearing through the upper floors of the Mandarin's castle. The intense power burst, as well as the raining debris, stunned Viper, the Mandarin, and Joe.
Kyle looked from side to side, and realized he was exactly as tall as a nearby dragon, on its way to ravage a small Chinese village.
Kyle walked right up to that dragon, and punched Fin Fang Foom in the the Fin Fang Face with an enormous stone fist.
"It!" cried Fin Fang Foom. "The Colossus! My arch-enemy! I see some fool mortal has awakened you! Please, allow me to return you to your eternal slumber!" Fin Fang Foom returned a punch of his own.
Back and forth, the two huge combatants battled, trading punches like they were Pokemon cards. Kyle, less skilled at fighting as a giant, had to catch 'em all. He was already at a disadvantage, when Fin Fang Foom brought his tail to bear, knocking Kyle down. Fin Fang Foom raised two clenched fists above his head...
...and suddenly roared in pain! Kyle wasted no time, throwing his weight forward into a punch that shook mountains as it met with Fin Fang Foom's head. The giant dragon fell to the ground, it's mouth gaping open. A solid black figure slid from Fin Fang Foom's mouth, and flew to Kyle's eye level.
"Chuck?" Kyle asked. "Is that you?"
"Sure is," Chuck replied. "Entirely negative, it would seem. I knew I could never survive a full-on blast of fire like he threw at me. I guess I instinctively shunted the rest of my body to the Negative Zone. Then, I flew down Triple-F's throat, and waited for the right moment to Nega-Blast him in the brain."
"It might be hard to get dates, you know, being composed entirely of Negative Zone energies," Kyle pointed out.
"Oh, like you're one to talk!" scoffed Charles.
"Actually, I've been working on that," Kyle said. He reached a massive fist into Mandarin's castle, and pulled out Viper's unconscious body. "It's starting to look like I actually do have powers," he explained. "And they get a little bit stronger every time I go omnipotent. Since I'm omnipotent now, I should be able to draw my omnipotence back from Viper." There was a spark of blue energy, and Kyle shuddered. "There," he said. "And now, since I have my taking-away-powers-powers back, I should be able to turn them on myself." Kyle's giant monster eyes flashed with orange fire, and suddenly Kyle was standing, once more as human as he'd ever been, on the ground.
Kyle was dressed in a blue-and-green armored battlesuit, with shoulder pads and a wrist holster. A bright green cape flapped dramatically in the wind. Charles could see Kyle's eyes beaming proudly from behind a blue mask. Kyle puffed out his chest, displaying the shining "NPB" emblazoned across his chest.
"Sweet," said Charles.
"Sweet," said Joe. He awoken just one moment before the Mandarin. Viper was already missing, gone to who-knows-where. The Mandarin began to stir. Joe brought a shiny disco rollerboot to the Mandarin's chin. Joe looked back down at the Mandarin's hands.
"Sweet," he said, staring at the Mandarin's rings. Joe began to count. "Eenie, meenie...."
The guys met up again soon outside of the Mandarin's castle.
"I completed my mission," Kyle said. "I guess we should contact S.H.I.E.L.D., and have them pick up Viper and the Mandarin."
"Not to mention the giant dragon, the Rising Sons, the various mercenaries and thugs, and everyone else we kicked ass on today," said Charles.
Joe said nothing. He just kept staring at his new power ring, trying desperately to get it to activate. "It's not working," he fumed.
When bright rainbow-colored lights suddenly filled his field of vision, and three very familiar villains appeared, Joe stopped worrying about his ring.
"We meet again, Superfools!" shouted Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows.
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Chapter 37
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