The next day, Joe, Kyle, Charles, and Rina moved into their new apartment. Well, they didn’t exactly “move in” so much as just sit down and say, “Okay this is ours now.” “Unpacking” the guys’ things took about ten minutes. Rina opted to leave most of her possessions at her other apartment, just bringing over a few change of clothes and an overnight bag.
“Jesus, Rina!” yelled Joe. “You know I love you dearly, but I really wish you wouldn’t take this ‘by my side’ nonsense this far!”
“Oh, Joe,” laughed Rina. “It’s a double bed- we’ll both fit.”
“No!” said Joe, waving his one good arm. “There are four of us and four bedrooms. Now scoot!”
Glumly, Rina gathered up her things and took them into the empty bedroom. “Okay,” she said. “But if it looks like my powers are about to come back,”
“I’ll give you a call,” said Joe. He proceeded to unpack his Wonder Glove, flamethrower, and paste vest, all of which had become largely unusable now that his arm was in a sling.
Lunchtime came, and the four new flatmates ate sandwiches and drank sodas, all paid for by the “within a reasonable limit” credit card Dwayne had left for them.
“This apartment is cool,” said Kyle.
“I’m glad Dwayne’s letting us stay here rent-free,” said Joe.
“It’ll be a great headquarters for our superhero team,” said Charles.
“What?” asked Joe.
“I said, It’ll-“
“I heard you,” said Joe. “What makes you think we’re going to have a superhero team?”
“What do you mean ‘going to have?’ We’re a team right now.”
“No, we’re not,” said Joe.
“Yes, we are,” said Charles. “We’re the Supercools.”
“We’re not really the Supercools, Chuck. That’s something I got off an old Starship song. I said it to bullshit your way onto the X-Men. But now you’re back, and we’re not going to become superheroes. We just want to go home.”
“We just recruited Rina,” Charles pointed out. “How can we recruit if we’re not a team?”
“We didn’t recruit Rina,” Joe countered. “She’s just hanging out with us. If we’re a superhero team, then what the hell is wrong with us? Three of us have no powers, I can’t use my weapons with a broken arm, and you don’t even know how your powers work, because you never read enough Fantastic Four comics! I’d have us home by now if I had your powers! So nyah!” That last ‘nyah’ was punctuated by a thrown cheese slice, which Charles ducked deftly under.
“We’re superheroes!” cried Chuck, as he launched a tomato at Joe, striking him squarely in the forehead.
“Hey, no fair picking on the cripple!” yelled Joe. “And we’re not superheroes.”
“Yes, we are,” yelled Rina, showering Joe with ketchup.
“No, we’re not,” replied Kyle, throwing a pickle at the former Timeslip.
“Yes, we are,” said Chuck, dropping an entire watermelon on Kyle’s head.
The battle was on…
By the time they cleaned that mess up, Joe was sure where he wanted to go next.
“I’m taking the Pogo Plane into town,” he said. “To the Heroes for Hire building. I know we agreed that She-Hulk couldn’t really help us, but I’ve got to try, you know?”
“I’m coming with you!” shouted Rina.
“Oh, really?” asked Joe. “What a pleasant surprise.” He rolled his eyes.
“I suppose we might as well go, too,” said Charles, looking at Kyle for his approval.
“Okay then,” said Kyle, “Let’s go.”
Joe tossed the Pogo Plane’s keys to Rina. “Shotgun!” he cried.
“Welcome to Heroes 4 Hire. How can I help you?” The receptionist was a ditzy redheaded girl.
“We’re here to see the Heroes for Hire,” answered Charles.
“I’m sorry, but all of the Heroes for Hire are busy right now. We can currently only accept emergencies of a global or cosmic nature, and then only if you are already an established superheroic team. That means Avengers, X-Men, Fantastic Four.”
Charles shrugged. “We’re from another dimension. That’s cosmic, isn’t it?”
“Only if you are already an established superheroic team,” said the receptionist.
“We’re the Supercools!” beamed Charles.
“Never heard of you,” said the receptionist.
“Tell her, Joe,” said Charles.
“No, we’re not a team,” pouted Joe.
“Yes, we are,” said Charles. “Tell her.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“NO!”
“This was your idea.”
“Fine.” Joe turned angrily to the receptionist. “Yes, we’re the ‘Supercools’ and we’re totally established superheroes. We fought the Circus of Crime, and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, and the Frightful Four, and the Acolytes. We’re so ‘established’ it makes me sick. And I really want to see Jim Hammond. And She-Hulk. Send them down, or I swear there’s gonna be some seriously nasty shit going on around here. Galactus and Mephisto are teaming up to like, suck all of the coolness out of the world. And only She-Hulk can stop them. She-Hulk and Jim Hammond.” He turned to Charles. “There, are you happy?”
“Yes,” said Charles.
“I’ll page Ms. Walters and Mr. Hammond right now,” said the receptionist.
“Who’s Jim Hammond?” asked Rina.
“I’ll explain later,” said Joe.
“Team up with Galactus to suck all the coolness out of the world?” said Mephisto, scratching his chin. “You know, that is not such a bad idea…”
“What can I do for you?” asked She-Hulk, ushering Charles, Kyle, and Rina into a nearby office.
Charles leaned in close. “We know we’re in a comic book,” he whispered.
“Oookay! I think we’re done here!” said She-Hulk, walking for the door.
“Wait!” said Charles. “We know that you know that, too! But it’s okay! We’re from another dimension!”
She-Hulk considered their words for a few moments, nodding her head slowly. At last, she spoke. “Betsy, get me Security.”
“How can I help you, son?” asked Jim Hammond.
“Give me your blood,” said Joe.
“Pardon me?” asked Jim.
“Your blood. Your android body immediately replaces what you lose through replication, but the recipient of the transfusion is immediately healed of all injuries. It worked for Spitfire.”
“My blood is not just medicine.”
“But I hurt my arm really badly.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. Your arm will heal on its own.”
“Give me your blood,” said Joe.
“No,” said Jim.
“Give me your blood,” said Joe.
“No,” said Jim.
“Oh, well, it was worth a shot.” Joe quietly left Jim Hammond’s office.
“What’s going on here?” asked Joe.
“I’m having these loons thrown out by security,” said She-Hulk.
“That’s not necessary,” said Joe.
“Hold up, security,” said She-Hulk. Luke Cage and Thena the Eternal stopped short.
“I’m not sure what they told you, but I’m sure it’s probably true. We really are from another dimension,” said Joe. “And we want to find our way home.”
“I can’t help you, kid,” said She-Hulk. “But I do know someone who can. He’s generous, powerful, and hunkalicious. Let me go get my Rolodex.”