A kiss on the hand means "friendship"
A kiss on the nose means "you're cute"
A kiss on the cheek means "I love you"
A kiss on the neck means "I want you"
A kiss on the ear means "Just Joking"
A kiss w/ two eyes closed means "I am in love w/ you"
Thinking of you means "I miss you"
Holding your hand means "I like you"
Squeezing your hand means "I want to kiss you"
Putting my head on your shoulder means "Comfort me"
My hands on your waist means "Never let me go"
Bitting my lip means "I'm jealous"
Stepping on your toes means "I don't like you"
Staring in your eyes means "Do you love me?"
Giving a wink means "I adore you"
Dreaming of you means "You are someone special"
Being with you often means "I can't live without you"
And wearing your ring means "You're mine"

THE THREE STEPS

1. Girl-If a boy gets fresh, you have the right to slap him
2. Boy-If a girl slaps you, kiss her.
3. Boy and Girl-Close your eyes, it's rude to stare

THE THREE COMANDMENTS

1. Thou shalt not squeeze hard.
2. Thou shalt not ask for a kiss.
3. Thou shalt not kiss on every oppertunity.

REMEMBER

A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum
A kiss ain't a kiss
Unless there's some tounge...
So open your mouth, close your eyes, and give your tougne some EXERCISE!!!!!

Why do they have interstates in Hawaii??
Why are there floatation devices instead of parachutes on planes? (especially on ones going over land?)
You know that little, black, indestructable box in the cabin on planes? Why don't they make the entire plane out of that stuff?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? (I know, old one).
Did Adam & Eve have bellybuttons?
Did yesterday go to Heaven?
Who was I before I was me?
Where do they get the seeds to grow seedless oranges?
How come there is a mailbox in front of the ost office?
If we can make semi-conductors, why can't we make complete conductors?
Why go to all the trouble of building a hidden driveway when the highway department puts up a "Hidden Driveway" sign?
How come we can never just rant or rave? Why do we always have to do both? It makes me sick and tired.
If a mime fell in the woods, would he make a sound?
Why do radio stations interrupt "60 minutes of uninterrupted music" to tell you you're listening to 60 minutes of uninterrupted music?
If your nose runs and your feet smell, are you built upside down?
What did moths congregate around before light bulbs were invented?
If Dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, why is his hair always so neatly combed?
Why do we use the phrase "recorded earlier" is there ANY other time to record something?
If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box, what color would he be--clear?
Why are America's parks and great outdoors administered by the Department of the interior?
If you spread butter on a cat's back and dropped the cat, would it land on its feet?
Does an invisable ink stain have to be cleaned with invisable spot cleaner?

1. If your email address ends in "over.yonder.com"
2. If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"
3. If the bumber sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"
4. If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"
5. If you've doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone
6. If your baseball cap read "DEC instead of "CAT"
7. If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined
8. If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go"....and you still don't miss her.
9. If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster for your beer.
10. If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy"
11. If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or farm animal.
12. If you start all your emails with "Howdy Y'all"
13. If your spell checker knows words like "Y'all", "Yonder", and "Reckon"
14. If your cars sit in your yard because your garage is full of dead CPU's, Printers, Modems and Moniters.
15. If your belt buckle is made from a dead 3.5" Hard drive

The lord is my sheperd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break;
He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits
For my grade's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades,
I will not have a nervous breakdown; For thou art pray for me.
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me
All the days of my examinations,
And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever,
Amen!

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half "....You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on five!

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens....you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony....you BECOME 21...YES!!!

But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk....He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.

What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.....stay over there, it's all slipping away........

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50.....and your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60.....you didn't think you'd make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60......then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday.... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30... my grandmother won't even buy green bananas....it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn't end there....into the 90's you start going backwards.... I was JUST 92...

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"

"A mother...a real mother...is the most wonderful person in the world."-Wendy
"You insulted my pride! That means death!"-Tito
"It's my favorite! Far-off places, sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise..."-Belle
"Prove yourself brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday you will be a real boy."-Blue Fairy
"Curiosity often leads to trouble."-Alice

~*~

In a Nonsmoking Area: " If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. "
- Galileo Galilei
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
- Paul Erdos
"The only way to be old and wise is to first be young and stupid."
-anonymous

© 1996 jbwerness@pclink.com