I have to admit that the idea to go out to a mall and to be inbetween thousands of other people not (yet) knowing that there is a transgender between them can be quite frightening or exciting or relaxing, whatever your experience is.

I have been to a number of malls around this globe and here is a typical way I did it recently. Typically I use the occasion to be on a trip abroad and change in my hotel. The idea to get out of the hotel in femm mode doesn't disturb me any more, at least in the big international hotel chains and under the condition that I don't share the hotel with some of my colleagues. Before I was very nervous about the idea that I would have to go through the lobby in view of the front desk, being afraid to get read and they would know who I am and so on.

Things have evolved and I know by now that not so many people read me and that of course most of them don't even look what's happening around. So I guess that there is little chance they will read me in going in and out of the hotel, and even if they do then there is virtually no chance that they will be able to realize which room I do belong to. And even if.... what would they do? Ask me to leave the hotel? My standard reply, prepared since a while but never used would be:" Sir (M'am) do you want to say that this hotel is discriminating against transgendered people"? (This is of course under the condition that I am always presentable as somebody 'normal' for that hotel)

Anyway - out of the hotel and in the taxi (no sweat, they have seen it all) or in my car. That can be a bit of a thrill if the car is in a valet parking, but again, a tip and the thought this guy has to tell something to his mates tonight and it is over.

The mall: in the USA I prefer to park close to one of the entrances to the mall which is through one of the big stores (JC Penny, Sears ....). A little bit nervous still, I get out of the car and enter the store. Often, in the beginning I tried to avoid to get to close to other people, but this is of course stupid, considering that I am just entering a major shopping mall with thousands of people browsing around. And what would be the fun if nobody saw me, anyway. I could have stayed in the hotel room watching television.

However, I watch the reactions of the others around (usually none at all) and start to browse around quite naturally. I don't have to 'force' myself to do it, it just comes all alone, looking around, touching the fabrics of clothes I like, occasionally holding them against me and checking out in a mirror.

I then enter the mall itself, but usually avoid for the moment the smaller shops where inevitably someone will aproach you "can I help you ....". I cross the mall to enter another big department store and the game starts again.

And then, at a certain moment, something strange happens usually. The somewhat nervous fear of being discovered and laughed about changes to a happiness that the miracle has worked again, and - to a point that I am almost disappointed that nobody does not even take note of me. I the usually tackle the same part of the mall again, but this time I go into the smaller shops where you are surely addressed by some sales person - and the shops can be anything, even Victoias Secret or something like that. And you know what? NOTHING, no problem, oh yes they may read me, especially if I have to talk and be close by, but my presentation seems to be OK enough that nobody minds.

So what next? Recently I did a couple of times two more steps in what any 'generic' girl would do without hesitation: I tried on clothes in the dressing rooms (and even bought some afterwards) and I gave my feet a rest by having a drink in a bar. For the latter one I prefer to buy myself something to read first, this helps to avoid eye contact if necessary if needed but so far for me it would have been OK without this help too. I have been to the point now that I have had something to eat in a restaurant in the mall or in the middle of a shopping street (like 16th street in Denver) all on my own and without being objected.

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