It's Saturday morning and I wake as usual to the doggies' alert that it is time for them to go outside. I go back to bed hoping to catch just a few more minutes sleep. Then it hits me, it's Halloween weekend. Darn it, I think to myself, another annual stand outside and freeze my buns off handing out candy to kids I have never met event. I abruptly stop this train of thought and think back to when I was a kid. I think about how much fun it was to dress up and go house to house and gather candy and goodies. I think how sad it is that only kids get to do that. I drift off with the thought that it would be great to be so excited about Halloween again.
I awake to the sound of the door bell. There is someone at the door in a large, red tomato suit. I hear her say, "It's me, Juju! Sorry I'm a little early! We were suppose to dress as our "Fruit", weren't we? The party's tonight, isn’t it? Please don't tell me I got it all wrong!"
"Why yes," Juju retorted, "you most certainly did! We were supposed to dress in period pieces, period! But no, I must still be asleep, and this must be a strange dream…"
I'm sleeping so well and suddenly someone shakes me violently by the shoulders, calling my name.
"Juju, wake up for goodness sakes. Where are we?!"
I find myself staring at a tomato- at least someone dressed as a tomato.
"'mater?" I sleepily ask.
"Hush," she implores. "Juju, look outside and tell me where we are. I arrived for the party and suddenly I was no longer in your house. I don't understand what is happening here. Get your buns up and help me figure this out!"
Just as Juju turned around to gather her thoughts there was a tapping on the window. She gets up and staggers to the window. What she sees is unreal. There is a barge in the distant fog.
I drifted off and I awoke to find myself on a very foggy quai. I was very confused. I was disoriented. All I could see was fog and some low lights coming from what I could hear was water. I walked carefully and came upon a barge. The lights were on, opera was playing and a wonderful smell was coming from there. I climbed up the gangplank and, finding a door, knocked.
"Not another trick or treater," boomed a deep voice. I tried to place the accent - a bit of a Scots' lilt, an American?
'mater and Juju creep warily towards the barge.
"Where the heck did this come from?" Juju asked.
"Got me," said 'mater.
They creep aboard and find Pommes wide eyed and open mouthed staring at the most gorgeous man in the universe.
"Oh, more of your trick or treating friends?" he teased.
The Awesome One stood in the doorway.
Pommes grabbed Juju and 'mater's hands, swallowed hard and croaked, "Trick or treat."
"Well, come in now and I may have both for you three."
They stepped down into the barge. The fire was crackling merrily and the smell from the oven was delicious.
"A treat of wine to start with?" he said.
"Well...,"said 'mater, "if it's a good chardonnay from Napa Val..."
"Hush 'mater" said Juju sotto voice, "I think we're in France!"
"Yeah," said Pommes, "cool it with the California wines bit 'mater!"
TAO just smiled and watched Pommes push 'mater and Juju overboard.
"Oops, this deck is so slippery," Pommes exclaimed as she watched Duncan pull them out of the water. "What a horrible accident!"
"Yeah, an accident.....horrible....."'mater said muttering under her breath as she pushed the wet hair out of her face.
"Uh oh! Looks like you all could use a towel," Wild Rose said as she came out of Duncan's bedroom. She handed 'mater and Juju towels and poured herself some wine.
Looking at Rose's outfit, 'mater exclaimed, "Wild Rose! We were supposed to wear a costume representing our Fruit name. That is NOT a rose! In fact, it looks more like a...a...a… what is that supposed to be?" she asked.
"I'm wearing a teddy," Wild Rose said with a smirk. "It's the newest thing at Victoria's Secret." 
Just then kizmet, in a sexy French Maid's costume, and Carmen, dressed as a sultry gypsy, strolled up to the barge.
"Aren't you a bit chilly in that outfit, sweetie?" kizmet snarled...I mean said...to Wild Rose.
"Not any colder than you are, honey," Wild Rose replied.
"Now, now ladies....there is room for all of us at this Halloween Party," said Carmen as she pulled her gypsy blouse off her shoulders a bit more.
Mincing carefully to Duncan's wardrobe, (It's DARN hard to stride in stiletto heels!), kizmet opened the door, reached in and withdrew a robe, mincing back to WR, she tossed the robe over Rose's head...I mean shoulders!..., saying sweetly, "Wouldn't want you to be arrested for exposing yourself in public, Rose. After all, millions *snicker* will be viewing this story, and we don't want to get in trouble with anyone!"
"Hello? Am I late? Has the party started yet?" intoned a deep, throaty & sultry voice.
A poof of smoke began to waft through the entry of the barge's doors. It was an intoxicating scent, I strongly suspect; it's deliberate use to lure those "Y" chromosome holders with thick accents. No one could see the beauty, ahem, personage that was clearly cloaked within the strands of smoke, but her, (yes, it was a she & she was of like height to you-know-who!), voice was every bit as intoxicating as her scent.
During this passage of time, Wild Rose continued to disdainfully eye the robe that kizmet had tossed her; in fact she was really thinking if it would be 'cricket' to "toss" kizmet. kizmet was looking, alternatingly, at the smoke hiding the new Fruit and also looking at Wild Rose, wishing she'd cover herself immediately. She then cast a glance over at Carmen's shoulder thinking that a smudge of melted caramel corn would do the trick and even add a bit o' drama to her outfit, when there was a knock at the door.
All heads turned to look in that direction. (Admit it, they were all watching the view as), Duncan walked to the door to open it.
Rolling his eyes and muttering to himself, Duncan stood back to allow his guest entrance. "Welcome to the party, Richie."
"Aww, Mac, how'd you know it was me?" came the muffled reply.
"Well, the red smoke was a dead give away," said Duncan. "And who are these lovely ladies?" he asked.
"This is Wheels Royale and her friend, ChestNuts. I met them outside a minute ago." Richie explained as he paused to rearrange his toga.
ChestNuts gently shoved Wheels aside and made a beeline for Duncan.
"You little devil," Duncan said to her with a smile. ChestNuts handed her pitchfork to Richie and gave Duncan a big hug.
Suddenly, with a loud crash and then the tinkle of glass, the room was plunged into darkness. One Fruit, however, had learned how devious the others were. So, whipping out her night vision goggles, she put them on- only to see kiwi sneaking in the front door.
"Look! It's kiwi; hey there kiwi!"
Everyone turns to look at kiwi, who is wearing, (believe it or not), all white! In fact, CN, (who's finally managed to loose a grip on Duncan cuz she wanted to see the new arrival), saunters over eying Kiwi with a malicious smile and states that, "It is much too soon to be wearing all white, and shouldn’t you be a bit concerned about those, ah, misconstrued implications?"
kiwi wets her lips as she walks over to Duncan, places both his hands on her hips, and looking him directly in the eyes whispers, (loudly), "Okay, if you think it best, perhaps Duncan, here, can help me out of my outfit. Whaddaya say, cuteness!?"
Did I mention that most of the lights came back on and everyone was pleased to see that Cherries, Nanas, Boysenberry, and Mac4me were there? We were not too pleased to see that they were all making a bee-line for you know who.
Now everyone knows that truth is stranger than fiction, but I simply cannot tell a lie, (that's a stretch!), and I'm more than sure you'll never, ever believe me, but at this exact moment there was high pitched scream, the lights flickered off, then on, then off again, then on, then off (again) and then, (guess!), on and standing directly in the middle of the large cabin was Methos, with Wheels draped all over him.
"What is that costume you're wearing?" asked Juju. "I'm a tart," he said as he pulled Wheels closer to his side. "Come on in and have a beer, Methos," Wild Rose said as she started to hand him a cold one, accidentally spilling some of it on Wheels. "Oops," she said to Wheels apologetically. Wheels smiled and stepped down hard on Wild Rose's bare foot with her white go-go boots.
"Peace," she said as she flashed the peace sign and looked at Wild Rose over her rose-colored glasses. There was a loud knock on the door and wiping the beer off of her psychedelic mini dress Wheels went to answer it.
"Trick or Treat!" yelled the group as they laughingly shuffled through the door. Newfpal, Thistle, oli, Seaweed, Rassberry, Blackcurrant and Chantilly Lace walked in followed closely by Joe and his band.
"How bout a little Monster Mash?" Joe asked Duncan as he eyed oli's Olive suit. "Martini's anyone?" he added teasingly.
Warily eying Nanas' outfit, (which happened to be a banana, which consisted of a yellow Playboy Bunny's leotard, yellow pantyhose, yellow shoes and a Carmen Miranda hat), Fitzcairn saunters over to her and suggests several drinks that incorporate 'bananas' all the while offering his services as Chief 'Peeler', (GASP!).
No one who was in the room at the time can remember exactly how it happened or "who" did it, ("I'm" of the opinion that it was [drum-roll] "That Fruit"), but after a flash of bright light everyone was shocked to see a gob of 'slightly warmed, melted' caramel corn dripping down the front of Thistle's outfit! What's that on the floor in the middle of this mess? Why, it's a 'bite' of red apple!!! Of course, ALL the guys, (being the lovers of caramel corn that they are), flocked over to lick, ahem, help her with it's removal off her person.
Green eyes glaring, we all looked at each other. I especially went looking for Carmen & kiz; remember that kiz was thinking of tossing a dollop of caramel corn onto Carmen shoulder that she bared when "adjusting" her gypsy blouse, (and not want to really be a "cat" but aren't gypsy skirts supposed to reach just around the knee area? Carmen's stopped just shy of her bottom and that's stating it nicely!). Also, I do recall that CN, (attired completely in 'red'), did have a 'red' apple at the end of her 'tail' which she wagged it in EVERYONE's face, (yeah, the apple too!), and CN wouldn’t turn around so we could see her tail. Who did this?!? Where was kiwi? Fossils (who'd gone to the kitchen with what's his name), was taking an awfully long time getting another bottle of champagne. In fact, someone had mentioned 'mulled wine' and there was a warm, candy-like scent coming from the kitchen area, so who was down there? While we're at it, exactly what did Mac4me have on her rear end; what kind of outfit was that!? Also, is Juju ever going to finish toweling off, ahem, I mean, I was really concerned about her catching a chill especially as her tee shirt was really wet! Sorry, truly not wanting to 'nag', why did ‘mater drape the towel, (lovely print, by the way), around her waist and what did she do with the rest of her outfit? How did she change? She NEVER left the main cabin and was in plain sight all the time!
Where's Sherlock when you need him!!!!!!!!
Newfpal's got him in a hammer lock in the forward deck. She's singing "Get Me To The Church On Time" too! Okay, exactly how much did she eat before she began drinking and WHO is Sherlock?
What about the caramel corn? How long does it take to park a car? Fruit Cake, SeaMaid, and SeaWeed are taking an awfully long time doing this, by the way, and did I notice a Duncan look-alike in the car? I mean, they drove by in a flash! Will someone please tell me why?
In all the confusion, ( and confusion is an understatement), no one really knew where everyone was.
"Hey," someone yelled. "Where is Duncan? Didn't I just see him drive away with someone?"
All the Fruits did a quick head count to see which Fruit was missing. Suddenly ‘mater yells, "Duncan isn't here and look what I just found on the floor!" With one hand on her hip and fire shooting from her eyes, she holds up a soggy white tee shirt. "Anyone seen Juju lately?" she asks.
A veritable din arises as the Fruits argue and discuss amongst themselves the whereabouts of Duncan and the missing Juju.
[Sherlock: Being an EXTRAORDINARY detective, I must say that I have studied this situation carefully. I can determine the following facts.:
Carmen DOES have a proper gypsy skirt on- she just has the waist band folded under five times. Being a resourceful person, she's using the folds as her push up bra to accentuate her cleavage, shown to advantage by her off-the shoulder, (down the arm), neckline. (These folds in the waist band are bringing the hem of the skirt to the described area.)
As to the lights going on and off, evidence point to it being Richie trying to straighten his hair by electrical current, (evidence- Richie laying on the floor with a black finger, with the marks matching those on the wall socket. His MAJORILY frizzed hair was the decisive clue.)
Juju is missing- but she will be obvious to find since she is shirt less.
Apparently, someone ordered some clones from another board, as there are 3 Duncans at the party- and another was seen driving off with Juju.
Wild Rose is limping around, wilted, with a bruised indentation on her instep. She has been heard muttering, "No more mister nice guy!! Every Fruit for her self!"
Poor 'mater is a little stewed that she has been pushed to the back of the barge.
oli has been stirred, but not shaken, by Joe. Now Joe's walking around with a huge grin on his face, singing, "It's a beautiful night in THIS neighborhood, a beautiful night in THIS neighborhood, can I be yours, can I be yours for the night?"
CN cracked a little and admitted that she doesn't have her apple tail anymore, but only because she threw it at Wheels for accusing her of being naughty.
The pantry door is locked, and evidence points to kizmet being in there since there are repeated murmurings of, "Pull those jeans down slowly....let me see those 'looms. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Tug up those tight jeans....turn around... ahhhhhhhhhh."
Now it is time for me to go and get my disguise since *I* came as myself.]
Watson: Interesting deductions, but I must say you have made some slight miscalculations. There is only one Duncan, and we Fruits, as Duncan experts, would know the real one. Also, Juju would never leave topless-at least not to be seen by all. Clue- hunt for what apparel is missing that she could be wearing. Surely she is the keeper of something??? *bg*
Wild Rose took the screwdriver she keeps in her purse and started to take the hinges off of the pantry door.
Fruits, we cannot find Juju, as there may be blockage, i.e., someone's head in, (on), her chest and keep your fingers crossed that it's a 'clone'. Also, don’t be fooled by CN's quiet behavior. I'm of the opinion that it was she that lobbed the caramel corn and poor Thistle was in the way.
As far as Wild Rose's sore instep, I just knew she wouldn’t take to the closet quietly. I was under the impression that darkness and chocolate "healed" sore feet, (in general), quickly. Perhaps someone forgot to give her some chocolate. However, considering the number of chocolate covered macadamia nuts she ate at her luau, she really didn’t need any more!
Someone really needs to clean the wet bar off. Where is a towel? On second thought, someone please toss Juju's "abandoned" tee shirt over; may as well put it to use. Come on gang, where's the music?
The scene inside the barge continues to be pretty chaotic. Juju's white tee shirt is being used to clean off the sticky wet bar, people are all dashing around trying to locate each and every Fruit, and of course Duncan. WR is task oriented, working feverishly on the pantry door, muttering to herself.
Suddenly, over all the noise, a car is heard squealing to a halt outside. Everyone runs outside and is amazed to see Duncan opening the drivers door. Out of the passenger side comes Juju, dressed in a white terry cloth robe, and another Fruit. Everyone strains to see who the new Fruit is arriving on the scene. A united cry of, "Welcome winesap," goes up from the crowd. winesap , grinning from ear to ear, waves vigorously as she steps on the walkway to the barge.
The other Fruits exclaim, "She's a teeny little thing! And that red and gold Ôprom dressÕ thing that she's wearing doesn't exactly fit in with the theme of the party, but she's new and she'll learn."
But they didn't realize that this was really winesap's evil twin, and she would do anything to get her hands on Duncan and have him all to herselfÉ ANYTHING!
Meanwhile, in a dark back room in Shakespeare and Company, a desperate winesap struggles to get out of the ropes that her pesky twin has bound her with. The *always evil one* lured her to this store under the pretense of viewing original copies of "Remembrance of Things Past". If only winesap had followed her instincts instead of her curiosity! And now Duncan and the other Fruits were in more danger than they could possibly imagine!
Freezing at the sound of footsteps coming closer, the real winesap holds her breath, waiting to see whether it was a rescue or a peril approaching her. Closing her eyes, (as if THAT would help!), she waits. Hearing the footsteps stop directly in front of her, the real winesap, slowly opens her eyes and sees Richie. He stops and looks down at her.
"Hi," he says with that boyish smile of his. "Seems like you could use a little assistance. I just happened to be dropping by here to pick up something for a party I'm headed back to." Gently he reaches down, frees her and pulls her to her feet. "Are you okay? Do you want to tell me what has happened to you?"
The Fruits continue to welcome the return of Duncan and the appearance of winesap. Suddenly, WR wheels around from the scratched and dented pantry door and says, "Juju, you have some big time explaining to do girl! How dare you leave here half naked with Duncan? Just where did the two of you go?!"
Duncan's smile slowly faded and he dropped his eyes to the still robe clad Juju.
Meanwhile, the woman in the red and gold dress stood quietly by, taking everything in. "Juju," she thought, "has the upper hand for now, but her victory will be short-lived, if I have anything to do with it." And with this she chuckled maliciously under her breath.
Unbeknownst to the "woman in the red & gold dress", (who is really winesap's 'Evil Twin', comma, even BIGGER pause, merely for breathings' sake ... whew... this is tiring!), CN was tiptoeing over just behind her, (with pitchfork in one hand and apple-with one bite-in the other), when suddenly Thistle chose that moment to stumble across the room and bump her, (who? CN!), who immediately got stuck; no, not with the pitchfork but onto Thistle's backside, (remember the melted caramel corn?), because the guys didn't do a very good job of removing it completely, albeit they had a great time moving it around, (great tongue action, I must admit and Thistle positively glowed under these ministrations ... the little *bleep!*).
Carmen decided that enough was enough and elbowed her way over to this little trio, as kiwi, mistakenly thinking that winesap's Evil Twin was really trying to undermine her (kiwi's) white leotard, (the little *bleep #2*), also decided to take matters into her own hand, and reached over to pull (probably scratch, I'm trying to be decent) at the red & gold dress. BUT, (there's always a but!), kiwi misjudged and grabbed a handful of (omigosh!), towel, (with a lovely floral print) and (yep, you've guessed it) 'mater shrieked and modestly "attempted" to hide the more provocative parts of her anatomy, but really not succeeding AND ON PURPOSE, (the little *bleep#3*), seductively walked (not quickly either!) ever so slowly from the center of the room to seek (we suppose) another towel.
I became unglued & sat down.
From the pantry came the sound of tinkling glass. With a snarl, Wild Rose asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me there was ANOTHER door into the pantry??" (Meanwhile, at the mention of tinkling, a certain Fruit rushed to the bathroom.)
Marching to the door of the barge, Wild Rose threw it open, only to see kizmet rushing down the street with an armload of jeans.
Meanwhile, winesap doesn't know where to begin to explain her predicament to Richie. Her mind reels with all the implications. If she goes back to the party with Richie her sister will know they are on to her, and that could mean even more danger!!! As much as she'd like to meet the famous Duncan MacLeod, after telling Richie her story, (as he's untying her) she opts to stay behind, hoping Richie can stop evil winesap's machinations.
Across on the other side of the barge, Rassberry was with the real Duncan, who had seen her when she came in with Joe. She was wearing a 17th century rassberry red dress. Rassberry and Duncan were having a romantic talk about stuff people who really like each other talk about. Rassberry was going as red as her dress , when Duncan gave her a very deep kiss.
Suddenly two strong hands roughly grab Duncan and spin him around. He comes face to face with an irate Methos.
"Who are you and why are you pretending to be Duncan," Methos roars. "You may have fooled this young lady but you don't fool me. I suggest you give me an answer right now!"
A small crowd of Fruits quickly gather to watch this altercation. Standing in the midst of them is another Duncan, standing with his arms crossed across his chest. He appears content to let Methos handle this situation.
Somewhere in the crowd evil winesap catches sight of SC, her sister's closest Fruit (and cheese *G*) friend. "I'd better avoid her at all costs," she thought "'cause she's sure to know I'm not *me*!!!" At that she ran to the other side of the barge.
Because of all the excitement the Fruits didn't notice a storm had silently been brewing. Suddenly they felt the wind pick up and the boat started to sway. With a great loud crash of thunder, a downburst of rain fell upon them.
Cries of "Oh no ... I'm melting, melting, melting!" were simultaneously shrieked by SEVERAL cats, ahem, I mean Fruits, and sure enough, just off to one side of Methos, the tart, ahem, Wheels slowly slid to the floor, only to become mired in the caramel corn mess that was once attached to Thistle. Carmen, who'd finally cleaned the dollop of caramel corn off of her bared shoulder, chose this moment to lower her skirt, er, ahem, I mean 'unroll' her skirt to mid-thigh and the real question is "Why?" Why did Carmen choose this moment to 'appear' modest?
Another "why" is about kizmet- when and why did she remove her apron? More to the point, where is her apron now? The little brat, ahem, dear probably became a bit dirty while helping to clean the table top with Juju's wet tee shirt, but(!) was it necessary to "take it completely off"? Also, what about 'mater and that towel, (with a lovely and most attractive floral print theme), draped about her bottom? We have nary a clue as to when 'mater dropped her outfit's bottom half, nor why? And what is she smirking about anyway? Is that another Duncan clone standing next to her and I can't tell but his hand is moving toward her (ohmigosh)?
Duncan seemed to be lunging at 'mater, but suddenly he reached behind her and snatched something from the hand of evil winesap. A dagger, which was about to be plunged into 'mater's back!!!!!
"How can I ever repay you, Duncan?" said she in her softest, sweetest, voice, (while batting long eyelashes, I might add).
And, as Duncan held tightly to the arm that once held the dagger, evil winesap knew she was out of the game, for Duncan could never care for a woman like her. But even this couldn't thwart all her plans.
Rassberry comes in.
"You're right, I don't want you," said Duncan. "I want Rassberry. She is my true love!"
Rassberry walks up to Methos and asks, "Is he the real Duncan?"
Methos nods yes.
So Rassberry walks over to Duncan and says, "Is it true what you said? You love me?"
"I do," said Duncan, and puts his arms around her and they kiss. Finally the real Duncan is found.
But he is stopped dead in mid-kiss by the sound of a wandering, or should I say drowning Fruit.
"Help...Help...!" Plum Brandy shouted from outside the barge.
The sound came from the river, PB was being carried down the river by the current, and Duncan dashed from Rassberry's side and dived into the river to save the soggy PB.
All the Fruits, by now wet and bedraggled either from the storm or from falling into the river, (Geesh! What a Fruit will do to get attention!) stood shivering on the deck of the barge. They all started to babble furiously at each other.
"What the heck did you put into Duncan's drink, Rassberry? LSD?"
"Carmen, would you PLEASE pull up your top, you're about to lose something!"
"kizmet, I think your skirt shrunk. Don't you think you should put some pants on?"
"I'm cold!"
"Where's the bathroom?!?!?!?"
Tempers were flaring and a fight was about to ensue, (Wheels had already started pulling CN's hair) when the 3 men, Duncan, Methos and Richie, arrived. They took one look at the lovely but wet ladies and started to laugh.
"Come on guys, let's get these women some dry clothes and some food," said Duncan, "And I'm sure they could all use a good belt of scotch right now, too."
The Fruits cheered up considerably and everyone went into the barge. Duncan turned on a light and there, standing in the middle of the living room was Rassberry. Duncan, who's still mad about that LSD thing, said, "Rassberry did not drug me. I really have feelings for her! Ask her!"
So they did, and Rassberry said, "I would never do anything like that and I would never hurt him or force someone to say what he said or to kiss me!"
"It's ok, honey, they know," said Duncan as he kissed Rassberry's brow.
"Sorry, Rassberry," said the Fruits gasping in horror, "but you've got the impostor Duncan there."
Wild Rose quickly ran up to save Rassberry and kicked the fake Duncan in the head with a loud cry of "AI-EEEEEEEEEEE". Not believing the power of the Wheaties she had been eating, Wild Rose's kick was so strong that she knocked his head off. With a gasp, all the Fruits turned to the headless Duncan, only to hear a squeaky little voice saying, "But I do love Rassberry!" All of the Fruits were speechless as they watched a small alien crawl out of the shell of Duncan's body.
"Fruits wake up!" said Rassberry, who was still in the arms of the real Duncan, and starting to get worried about her friends who were all a sleep because they were drunk on Fitz's recipe for punch (filled with Vodka).
One by one they woke up and said, "Are you ok? Did the alien get you?"
"What alien?" Rassberry and Duncan said at the same time.
"One of the Duncan clone's," said CN.
"There are no other Duncan's here. Fitz, what did you put in the punch?" asked Duncan.
"Are you Fruits ok?" asked Rassberry.
"Yeah," said the Fruits. "That was some dream."
"Next time be careful of Fitz's Punch," she also said with a smile.
"Well, I tried to duck his punch," said Pitts, holding an ice pack to his eye, "but it was hard to do with all the Fruits abounding on the barge! Why was he throwing punches anyway? Seeing mythical visions like Duncan, perhaps?"
"My dear fellow," Fitz replied. "I did NOT throw a punch! I was trying to peel a Banana. But, my lass, I fear my eye was distracted by all these beauties around here, and I do believe that my arm might have gone a wee bit awry. So sorry, my dear chap. I'm sure if you ask any of these lovely ladies, one of them might salve your wound."
Fitzcairn was STILL trying to 'peel' Nanas (who, by the way, was holding kizmet's apron by a string!). Everyone "floated" downstairs (great scotch!!), and began teasing them, when Physalis suddenly piroutted into the main room. She had a bottle of champagne under one arm, 2 crystal flutes clenched in the hand with the champagne bottle under the arm and (What! That's not enough?) she was struggling and pulling 'someone' by the leg. We couldn't see 'who' the someone was, all we knew was that it was a man(!) and he was singing, "I'm In Love With You" ("Let me call you sweetheart") in the key of 'L & L' (loud & lousy).
Ever efficient and never missing a beat were Newfpal and Nana, helping PB recuperate from her dip in the river. "What can I say?" Newfpal muttered. "Sherlock was no Duncan and Nana heard the splash in the river and just took off. So I followed. I would never leave my Newfie to do a water rescue alone, ya know!"
As Newfpal helped PB and Nana dry off, a suggestion was put forth for all the Fruits to gather around the fire and SHARE some time with the guys.
Juju appeared dressed in another white tee shirt-several sizes too big for her. "Okay guys," she spoke loudly so as to be heard above the noise. "Let's all settle down around the fire and try to figure out what all has happened tonight. It has been a wild party to say the least. We've been in the water, in the caramel, in various states of dress and undress. We've had impostors and aliens, and I guess I just need to make sense of this whole thing."
Several Fruits nodded their agreement. A couple of Fruits refused to make eye contact with her. This piqued her curiosity but she remained silent, waiting for someone else to take the floor.
"Well," said ChestNuts, "I for one could use a drink!"
"Yes, yes," the other Fruits cried.
So the ever helpful Nanas started rooting around in the cupboards and fridge and announced, "Mimosas for everyone coming right up!"
Meanwhile, Duncan, Methos and Richie were bringing out various articles of dry clothing. Juju and Plums started fighting over the only white tee shirt and kizmet was seen trying to make off with a pair of faded, well-worn jeans.
"Hey!" yelled Wild Rose. "No fair, kizmet! You can't fit into those jeans anyway. Give them back!"
"Fruits!!!" said 'mater sternly. "Behave yourselves. I think we have some apologizing to do to our hosts."
"Yes," said Juju, "and some explaining as well. I'm still confused. What in tarnation has been going on here?"
Just then a loud banging noise could be heard from outside. There stood a madder than blazes Richie, holding on to evil winesap, who'd been about to escape. "What should we do with this one?" he asked.
Fitzcairn tossed Richie some rope to tie up the brazen hussy who is winesap's evil twin.
"I'm not a 'brazen hussy'," muttered evil winesap, "I'm merely misunderstood."
Back to Rassberry & Duncan, who were listening to the rest of dream.
"That sure was a strange dream you Fruits were having, but you do know there's only one me," said Duncan.
"Thank God for that!" said Methos.
Rassberry stuck her tongue out at Methos, then said, "I thank God every day that you're here, Duncan," and then she kissed him.
"Oh brother," said Methos.
"Oh, go drink a beer Methos, and stop being a silly old man" said Rassberry.
Just as Methos turned to get a beer, a large wall of water came WHOOSHING through the open porthole, deluging Rassberry and Duncan. Sputtering, Duncan wiped his face and leaned out the window. A little man dressed in a billowing star and moon embossed covering and a pointed hat stood there, holding a hose in his hand.
Duncan hollered, "Why the bloody he** did you do that?"
Dropping the hose, the man put his fingers to his temples and stated, "I am the amazing Cimoili, and I can read minds. I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of, "Boy, she needs hosing down!" emanating from the barge. So, I provided the water needed!"
With a grin, Duncan pulled his head back in and looked at "all" the Fruits, whilst throwing Rassberry a towel to wipe off and cool off. "All right, you wonderful ladies," Duncan mused out loud, "what's next?"
All of a sudden, as they opened the door, a small, bedraggled figure was about to knock. When he saw her, Duncan's eyes flashed with anger, for there stood the woman who had wielded the dagger that almost put an end to 'mater. But she sure had changed clothes fast. Instead of the garish dress, she was wearing jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt.
"There are a lot of people looking for you," said Duncan.
Frantically, winesap tried to explain the situation to Duncan. "You of all people should understand what it's like to have an evil double, and I may have an idea where she is. "
Suddenly, Duncan realized who was responsible for EWS's escape. It had to be none other than that villain...that bounder....that cad....er, what's his name! I simply CANNOT even bear to say his name out loud; just can't and I won't! But, now, as everything sorts itself out, *I* can see clearly now (great line for a song, doncha think?). You see, I've wondered why cherries was sooo reluctant to show herself *BG* because, well, you know (not being one to sprout 'rumors'), RUMOR has it that she's got this HUGE 'pumpkin' that she wants to present at the right time (gee, golly, gosh, darn, hope I've not taken away cherries' surprise, oh my! *BEG*), and that's not all! (where's the "stool"?) There was another figure with that cad whose name I cannot not bear to say out loud, just can't and I won't, and I just hope to Hershey's Kisses with Almonds that I'm wrong, but I think it was, (shhh, you didn't hear it from me), Din0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sniffing & snorting) Because, (correct me if I'm wrong... YOU always do!), didn't Din0's outfit (can remember well) have some sorta "halo" as a headdress? Wellllll, I remember seeing the outline of a halo and a well turned leg stepping into the light of the door.
(Organ music swells) Just WHO is about to cross the threshold? Will it be one or two? Could it finally be LemonMaid and Pineapple arriving? Didn't someone give 'em a map? Didn't someone make sure that they understood it!? (Was it someone from our 'northernmost' state?) Who? Who? (Did I ask.) Who could it be now? (Another great line for a song, hehehe)
"Shut and bar the door!" (a very good play), roared Duncan. "Hell's bells, woman!! With all your jabbering, you can't see what's in front of your eyes. That's no angel, my dear! That," (deep breath and quivery sigh), "is none other than Horton!
"I thought they had finally written him out, but no! He's dogged me where ever I've gone. Los Angeles- he was there! Denver- he got there before me! Why, I bet he even has the audacity to speak to me in London when I visit there!"
So saying, Duncan went to sit BEHIND the couch, muttering, "I am no chicken- stone or otherwise. I am a brave man. He's worse than the Kurgan, and he has more lives, too! "
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jalapenos was desperately trying to figure out a way to get to the barge. This was not an easy task, as she was in Texas and the Barge was in France!! "I know!!" she exclaimed. "I'll pull out my Dorothy costume!" Frantically rummaging through her attic, she found what she was looking for. A blue gingham dress, white blouse, white anklets, and... most important of all...RUBY SLIPPERS!!!
"Yes," she cried!
Jalapenos dressed quickly, and, standing before her mirror, clicked her heels three times, and then said, "There's no place like the Barge!! There's no place like the Barge!!"
Much to her surprise in the next instant she landed on something soft in a very small, very dark place and she immediately started banging on the walls & screaming at the top of her lungs. Jalapenos screamed louder, if possible, when the "something soft" began to move. She passed out when the "something soft" started to speak.
"Get OFF me, you oaf! And then untie me!"
kiwi had been found, locked in the closet where the evil winesap put her after hitting her over the head with an empty (thank Goodness!) wine bottle! But, of course, since Jalapenos had fainted, she was hard pressed to untie poor kiwi. However, her screams had already caught the attention of others on the barge & suddenly, the door was flung open by Boysenberry. She untied kiwi and revived Jalapenos and helped them out of the closet. Calling for the rest of the Fruits, she started to make plans to meet up with Duncan and Rassberry.
"Ok, this is how I see it. 'mater, you get some more rope, make sure it's strong. Wild Rose, we will need a distraction for her when we get there. CN..." Boysenberry continued giving the Fruits their assignments. "And remember, we have to hook up with Duncan and Rassberry before they confront evil winesap!!"
Duncan and Rassberry went off to find evil winesap. But as they were leaving, a troubled Duncan looked at Rassberry and told her that the mind reader had told him how much Rassberry cared for him. Duncan explained that after Tessa was killed he took an oath not to get "serious" about another mortal woman. He encouraged her to find a mortal love closer to her own age. With much sadness she agreed, and off they went to look for the evil winesap.
While looking for evil winesap, Rassberry told Duncan that she knew how much he love Tessa, and when she found out what happened she cried for him and for Tessa because she was a good woman and that she was so good for him. Rassberry told Duncan she knew how he felt. She too lost a love, a man Duncan's age named Vachon. She said he was killed by Horton, and like him she had told her self not to get involved with another immortal, but that she couldn't help how she felt about him. She tried to find someone her age but it didn't work out.
"Sweetheart, you're 19," said Duncan "Keep looking. Your perfect man is out there somewhere."
Just then evil winesap opened the car door and stabbed Rassberry in the chest. "NOOOO" yelled Duncan as Rassberry died.
The evil Winesap said, You're next Highlander!" and ran away laughing.
Duncan brought Rassberry back to the barge and laid her down on the sofa the other Fruits were holding each other and crying.
"Is she dead?" asked CN.
"Yes," said Duncan "But not for long".
"You mean she's like you?" said the Fruits.
"Yes," said Duncan. "Go out and look for evil winesap. I'll stay here and take care of Rassberry."
And so the fruits went after evil winesap. Rassberry and Duncan burst into laughter as soon as the fruits were out of sight. Evil Winesap popped into the room from a secret door laughing loudly.
"They believed me," Duncan said with a chuckle.
"Pretty cool Halloween trick, Duncan," Rassberry said.
"Hey, don't forget me and my fake bloody knife!" EWS said with a grin.
"Not so fast!" said Kizmet who had been standing right outside the door. Evil Duncan, evil Rassberry and evil Winesap you are banished away from this house!" and with that she and the other fruits started chanting...... "Evil Be Gone!"
Evil Winesap, Evil Duncan and Evil Rassberry vanished in a cloud of black mist. With evil gone for good, the fruits were free to get back to the PARTY! With the "REAL" Duncan.
One fruit, standing at the back of the bunch, slowly uncrossed her fingers and smiled. She knew that the Evil Winesap and the Evil Duncan would be back.... sooner than those unsuspecting fruits knew.
