It's your 29th birthday AGAIN... and your wonderful friends again chip in. This time they send you on a fabulous tour of the United Kingdom. You start your trip meandering about in Scotland looking at all the old castles. Your car breaks down and you have to walk in the pouring rain towards an eerie looking shadowy building rising up from the grassy hills.
At last you arrive, ring the door bell, and you are greeted by the most gorgeous man you have ever seen. He is big and strong, but has the tenderest, deepest, brownest eyes. Without realizing it, you gaze into those eyes, completely losing track of time.
"Um, can I help you? You seem to be getting wet. Come inside and warm yourself."
"Thank you. My car seems to have broken down a few miles back. I hope we can get a tow truck tonight and I can get a ride back to my hotel."
"Och, no! Not on a night like this. The roads will be wet and difficult for the tow truck to navigate. Please allow me to put you up for the night. I promise not to bite!"
He laughs, deep and melodious. You accept his invitation, although you can't imagine why. He is a complete stranger to you, but something about him puts you totally at ease. Why, it's almost as though you know this handsome man.
"That would be very kind of you," you smile, "I only hope I'm not putting you to much trouble."
He turns toward you and with a direct gaze tells you that he is a man you can trust. He helps you get out of your dripping wet coat and you walk into the foyer of the house, which is much more impressive inside than you had gathered from its dreary front entrance.
"My name is Duncan. Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod," says the tall, dark stranger. "Welcome to my home. Here, come and sit down," he says, his deep voice resonating.
You suddenly realize how wet you are when a strong wind starts to blow.
"Come, let's get you inside. You're going to catch a chill. Let's get a blanket around you." He realizes that you are soaked and says, "You know, let me fix some tea for us. That will help ward off the cold."
He disappears through the large double doors. As you glance around the room, you are struck by the amount of objects that are really quite old. You get up to look closer at the sword hanging over the mantle. Duncan returns with the tea.
"I was just admiring the lovely things you have. Did they belong to your ancestors?"
"Well-l-l-l .... I guess that would be one way of putting it."
After the wonderful tea and witty conversation, Duncan notices that you are still shivering from your wet clothes.
He says, "You know it might be better if you got out of those wet things and put on some dry clothes. It gets a wee bit cold here at night, especially since the heating system is not functioning too well. I'll be back in a jiffy with some dry things for you."
You reply, "Thanks, where should I go to change?"
He shows you to a bathroom and says, "I'll be right back."
"Thank you...you're really going to a lot of trouble for a complete stranger."
"Oh, it's no trouble 'tal."
You begin to shiver, and realize how cold you really are. Somehow, with him in the room, everything else goes unnoticed, but now... The tub is huge and begging to be filled with hot water. You turn the taps and allow it to fill. Peeling off your wet things, you climb in and pull the curtain. Duncan returns with some dry clothes.
"I'll just leave these here for you."
He puts the clothes down on the vanity and discretely leaves. You soak in the hot water and begin to feel your body finally start to warm up. You start to get out of the tub and realize that there are no towels to be seen. Whoops, what to do? Hmmmmm........ You look around the room hoping to see some hidden cabinet that might contain linens, but see none. All you see is a half used roll of toilet paper. Using your hand to squeegee off as much water as you can, you step from the tub. As you are patting yourself with the toilet paper, you hear a tap-tap at the door. The door opens part way and a hand with a towel appears.
"Thought you might need this," chuckles Duncan.
"Ohhhh.... thank you thank you! I thought I might have to stay in the tub and stay warm."
"Oh perish the thought! We couldn't have that," he says through the door. "I have some tea waiting for you when you get done."
You quickly get dried off and put on the clothes. "Hmmmm they smell good. Wonder what laundry detergent he uses," you think to yourself.
You find Duncan in the library reading.
"Whatcha' reading?" you ask as you enter the room.
Duncan looks up from his book and smiles. "A history of the Clans," he replies, putting a marker in the book and placing it on the table next to him. "All warmed up?"
Pouring yourself some tea, you nod and say, "Yes, I am. I'm glad you showed up with that towel. It was looking pretty desperate!" You wink at him. "So, does dinner come with the accommodations? Or is that extra?"
"Oh, you haven't had dinner yet? My apologies. Let's whip something up. What are you in the mood for?"
"Well, this is your house. I'll leave it up to you.."
"How about a little angel hair pasta, maybe some pesto....."
"Stop! Stop! You have me sold!"
The two of you wander into the kitchen, and what a beautiful kitchen it is! You can't help but look wide eyed at the size of the fireplace on one wall.
"I bet you could roast a whole cow in there," you exclaim.
Duncan laughs and goes to the refrigerator. He starts pulling out the things you will need to make dinner. He also goes to the wine rack and opens a bottle.
"Wine?"
"Thanks!"
Duncan pours two glasses of wine and hands you one.
"What shall we toast to," you ask.
"To chance encounters and new found friends."
"Mmmm.... I like the sound of that. Now, how do you cook your pesto? Are you able to get fresh basil all the way out here?" you ask.
"Well.... I found it difficult so I started growing my own."
"What about the pine nuts?"
"Those can certainly be tricky."
"They can be tricky any where. Do you refrigerate yours?"
"Of course!"
You continue to banter as Duncan prepares the pesto and pasta. There is a loaf of bread on the counter, and you busy yourself cutting it.
"This is such a secluded spot. Do you like living so far from everyone?"
"Oh, it has it's distinct advantages! I've just come from Tahiti where these really irritating knight rejects kept popping out from the shrubbery. It's good to get away from it all!!"
You both laugh. Dinner is now ready and you settle down to enjoy it, but fate has other plans. You hear the doorbell ring.
"Do you want me to get that," you ask.
"Uhhhhh, maybe I had better. Keep an eye on the pasta for me?"
"Certainly!"
Duncan opens the door.
"Methos! What on earth are you doing here on a night like this?" He peeks out the door around Methos. "Who else did you bring with you? Not those weird knights, I hope! Elmer Fudd, the Flying Monkeys?"
"Nice to see you too, MacLeod! Well, Mulder and Scully were unavailable. I think they missed their connecting flight. What's with you? Are we not getting enough fiber in our diet?"
"NO!! I have 'company'."
"Oh.....'company' company?"
"Mmmm hmmmmm....."
"Well, I'll stay out of your way. Just curl up with a book and all."
"I thought you'd read them all!"
"Ha ha ha," he said dryly.
Methos pushes past Duncan, who lets out a slight whimper. Instead of going to the library, however, Methos heads for the kitchen.
"Hey, where are you going?" demands Duncan. "You didn't say anything about eating!!"
"What?! You would deny me food and drink? I thought we were friends."
By now, Methos has entered the kitchen, where he eyes you.
"Ah, you must be the lovely lady Duncan is trying to keep to himself. Allow me to introduce myself, Methos, at your service."
Duncan follows hot on his heals. "I guess I'm not as far from civilization as I thought."
"Hmmm?" Methos looks at Duncan.
"Oh, nothing. Three for dinner it is. But I only have enough for two....." Duncan looks imploringly at Methos, who is ignoring him.
"Hello....yes, guilty as charged." You look at the ROG, "You aren't going to put those silly little handcuffs on me, are you," you say slyly, spying the cuff just under Methos’ coat.
Methos grins and says, "I doubt the Boy Scout over there is, but I....."
MacLeod cuts him off and says, "......am going to the library.... aren't you old man?"
"But I've read all your books!"
"Read them again!"
As Duncan pushes him out of the kitchen you yell, "There will be a test later on...."
Methos pokes his head in again and says, "Essay or multiple choice?"
"You know, 'old man', your head is in a really convenient spot!" Duncan comments.
Methos quickly ducks out.
Looking quizzical, you ask Duncan, "What was that all about?".
Duncan insists it was nothing - just an old friend dropping by unexpectedly to borrow some books from his library.
"Well", you smile, "I rather like the look of your friend - he's rather attractive in a mischievous sort of way. Perhaps we really ought to invite him to share dinner with us. Shall I go and fetch him?"
"As you wish," sighs Duncan.
You get the feeling that Duncan wants you all to himself but you head to the library to fetch Methos. "Oh Methos...."
"Oh....yes?"
"Hi... uhm.... I feel bad about earlier.... do you want to join us? I'm sure we can manage enough for the three of us.."
"Why, m'lady....," he pauses and looks at you, "are you sure its ok with Duncan?"
"Actually Duncan said it was up to me."
"Well then....shall we?" Methos stands up and takes your arm. To your surprise Methos leads you away from the kitchen, toward the grand staircase leading to the upper floor of the old house.
"Excuse me, but I thought we were going to be joining Duncan in the kitchen", you say, confused.
"Well, I'm sure that MacLeod won't mind if we take a little tour of the house first. Don't you think that would be fun? I've always wanted to see what sort of things he keeps upstairs - he's such a secretive fellow," replies Methos, with a sly grin.
"Methos, don't be a bad boy...I would hate to have to spank you." You pull him by the arm and steer him back to the kitchen.
"You promise?"
"What?.... You are bad...."
"If only you knew..."
"Come on you little bad boy.... time for din din."
Duncan walks out of the kitchen and almost bumps into the two of you.... "Oops.... I thought you got lost."
"No.... your friend here was trying to give me the tour."
Duncan gives Methos that look and Methos just smiles.....
Again, you are struck by the unique situation you are in. How did you manage to find your way into an antique-filled mansion owned by a gorgeous Scotsman by the name of MacLeod and happen to meet such a devilish fellow by the odd name of Methos. You stand, hands on hips, facing the two tall, dark, handsome men.
"You two are a force to be reckoned with," you smile. "To be honest, I'm beginning to feel rather vulnerable, alone in a house in the middle of a storm at the whim of two strange men."
Duncan leads you both back to the kitchen. He sits, playing with the food on his plate. He looks so desirable as a pouty little boy. "It's just for dinner," you whisper softly in his ear, and kiss his temple.
Methos knows he is the third wheel, and eats quickly. "Great pasta, MacLeod. Where did a Scott learn to make such delicious Italian food?"
"I've been around."
"Mmmmm....you are a very good cook," you say to MacLeod. "You must watch the Food Network in your free time."
Methos chimes in, "No, he's just had lots and lots of practice.... right MacLeod?"
"Methos....," Duncan gives him that look again.
"What?" Methos asks innocently.
Duncan and Methos look at each other. There is an unspoken acknowledgment that Methos will quietly retreat after brandy in the library.
"All done?" asks Duncan.
Duncan wraps his arms around you, and holds you tight against his chest. "Didn't you say you were going to get a book and retire, Methos?"
Methos shrugs, knowing he has been beat. Stretching his arms back, he replies, "Yeah, a book and a bottle of beer will keep me company tonight." Defeated, he retreats.
"Now it's just the two of us. Care to stretch out in front of the fire? I have a rug just big enough for two."
"Sounds cozy."
As the two of you clean up the kitchen you are amazed at how clean a cook this man is.... in fact there is hardly anything to do. The two of you retire to the library, (isn't that where we were headed?)
"So what type of books do you like?" Duncan asks.
"Oh a little of this, a little of that.... I can spend hours in a Barnes and Noble...."
"Barnes and Noble? I take it that is a book store."
"No, actually it's a pet store..... yes of course its a book store!"
"Well.... I didn't know... after all, this is Scotland."
"Yes, I guess you're right. I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me?"
"I'll see what I can do..."
You settle onto the rug, wine glasses in hand. Curled up together, you notice his scent, warm and musky. You nuzzle your face in his neck, softly kissing behind his ear, his jaw, his cheek, moving closer to his mouth. He kisses back, softly at first, then firmer. He holds you tight, his hand slowing rubbing your back under your sweater. Your tongues meet, his mouth devouring yours.
Duncan pushes you back on the carpet. You feel his mouth on your neck, your face. You return in kind. His hands work your sweater over your head. You struggle with his belt, he lifts up to remove his own sweater. You take his zipper and pull it down.
Suddenly Duncan stops.... in walks Methos. "Don't you ever knock, Methos?"
"Oh.... sorry... I was just wondering if you had that volume by..."
"METHOS!"
"Okay, okay.... oh by the way.... there seems to be someone outside."
Duncan and Methos look around, feeling the buzz.
"What's wrong?" you ask.
"Oh nothing..... I'll be right back.."
Suddenly you see something through the library window... something purple..... what could it be?????
Duncan tells you to go in the other room.... "Not a problem...."
Suddenly you hear singing.... "I love you ... you love me .... we're a happy family....."
Duncan looks in stunned silence. "Oh no, Barney the Dinosaur!!"
Methos runs downstairs, nearly tripping and falling in the process.
"What is it, MacLeod? Forget how?"
"No, you fool, there is a large, purple dinosaur singing a truly irritating song, (sorry to all you Barney Fans!), out side on the lawn. We have to stop it once and for all, for the good of mankind! We need a plan."
Duncan and Methos look at each other as the two heroes feel the "buzz". The doorbell rings. Duncan grabs his sword by the door and opens it.
"I love you. You love me...." "I remember you," Methos says to the purple beast, "Remember me? Egypt ring a bell?"
"He's been around that long?" Duncan asks.
"Longer..."
Determined to rid the world of the Purple Menace once and for all, Duncan points his sword at Barney and snarls, "You and me."
Stepping outside, each takes a stance, Duncan with a steeled look, Barney with a goofy grin.
"Wipe that silly grin off your face!"
Methos takes a spot on the steps and watches, grinning. "I don't think he can. I think its a permanent fixture."
Barney suddenly has a sword in his hands... er... paws... claws... whatever... probably cleverly hidden in a similar spot as Duncan's. "I love you. You love me. We're a......"
"Don't you know any other tunes?"
Duncan and Barney fight it out.... thrust... parry... thrust.... parry.... you get the idea.....
The sound of steel on steel can be heard ringing in the hills. MacLeod gains the upper hand, and disarms Barney with a stunning blow.
"I love you. You love..."
"Oh, shut up." With that, Duncan delivers the death blow, and Barney's head, still with that goofy grin intact, falls to the ground. "It's worth it just to stop the singing," says MacLeod, the mists of the quickening beginning to gather around him.
"Ahhh the evil purple menace finally..."
Methos is interrupted by you as you walk to the door.
"What in the world is going on out here, a lightning storm?"
"Uhhh...something like that."
You see Duncan sitting on the ground and run over to him. "Duncan! Are you all right?!"
Duncan looks up at you with a goofy look on his face and starts to sing, "I love you. You love me. We're a..."
Methos throws his hands on his face and says, "Oh no!! A purple quickening!!"
"A what?" you ask, bewildered.
"No time to explain. We have to get MacLeod to Mr. Peabody as soon as we can. He is very clever and will know what to do."
"Who's Mr. Peabody?" You feel very ignorant.
"You know, Mr. Peabody, from The Rocky and Bullwinkle show! He's the only one I can think of that can help us."
"What about the enchanted hot tub? Wouldn't that work just as well?"
"Mmmm.... you've done this before, haven't you?"
"Nahhhh, I've just seen ‘Something Wicked’ about a dozen times."
"What?"
"Oh,... nothing. Come along Duncan, time to go to the enchanted hot tub..."
"I love you. You love me..." Duncan sings and grins foolishly.
You lead Duncan by the hand, the song starting to grate on your nerves.
"I think we better move fast, because a few more choruses of 'I love you', and Duncan is on his own. Then it will be just you and me!" winks Methos.
You go to the grotto, where the enchanted hot tub is, and push Duncan in. You probably wouldn't have been so rough, but the song is really irritating.
Duncan goes under water and comes up sputtering. "METHOS! What did you that for?"
"I didn’t push you in, she did!" Methos exclaimed in mock innocence.
"Well, I'm sorry..... you were acting weird. Like Barney. We figured you needed the enchanted hot tub treatment."
"Yeah, Duncan, you had a purple quickening!"
"Oh." Duncan has sheepish look on his face, "Sorry."
"Well, I don't know about Methos, but I forgive you."
You get in the hot tub with our hero and throw your arms around Duncan's neck. "I'm so glad you're all right!" you squeal, and give him a big ol' kiss.
Duncan laughs, "You're all wet again. This is becoming a trend!"
You and Duncan crawl out of the enchanted hot tub and the three of you laugh as you walk, dripping, into the house.
"I'm running out of dry clothes for you to wear," says Duncan.
"Oh, that's all right," you purr, "maybe we can find another way to get warm."
"Geee.... I wonder what we could do to get warm?" Methos says. "Hmmmmm.."
"Don't get any ideas, Methos..."Duncan says over his shoulder.
"Well.... I'm just trying to be nice and volunteer.... I was just trying to be a good Samaritan!" Methos says, putting on that innocent grin of his.
"Gee Methos.... .I think some of that purple quickening rubbed off on you.... I think you need," Duncan pushes him in to the 'enchanted’ hot tub, "the enchanted hot tub treatment...."
"HEYYYYY!!"
SPLASH!! Methos comes up, wet and bedraggled. "Ok, ok... a guy can take a hint. Back to my book and bottle of beer. You used to be more hospitable, MacLeod." Methos adds under his breath, as he climbs out of the water. "Is that any way for a boy scout to behave?"
"Hey...I was just being a good Samaritan," Duncan says mockingly to Methos.
Duncan puts his hand out to help Methos out of the 'enchanted hot tub'.
"Come on, 'old man', let's go get dried off. I hope I have enough dry towels for everybody."
Back inside, fluffy towels are handed out to all, and you huddle in front of the fire to dry.
"It will take forever to dry wearing these wet, drippy things," says Methos, matter of factly. You and Duncan eye him. "Well, it will!" he protests.
"I think that's why they made dryers," you say to Methos.
"Duncan is so old fashioned he doesn't have a drier....do you MacLeod?"
"Wrong, Methos. I'll be right back with some dry clothes, I hope." Duncan leaves.
"Alone at last," Methos says to you.
"You really do need a spanking don't you?"
"Only if you do it, MacLeod would kick my arse and use me to wipe up the floor."
"No he wouldn't."
"Wanna bet?"
Smiling wickedly, you pat your lap and motion for him to come to you.
"Promise to be gentle?" Methos starts to get in your lap.
Just then in walks Duncan. "What are you doing now Methos?"
"Well, she was going to give me a spanking," he said, ever so innocently.
"That would not be punishment for you, you'd enjoy it waaaaay too much."
"Well Duncan, he was being a bad little boy...."
"Boy!? Methos hasn't been a boy for......well, for a very loooong time."
"Yes.....but I'm still a boy at heart..."
"If it's a spanking you want, I'll be more than happy to give payback for..."
"No," says Methos, jumping up, "that won't be necessary. Can it be my clothes are dry already? No? Well, maybe they would dry better in my room. Another time, perhaps...?"
You chuckle and say, "Perhaps."
Duncan hands you a towel and some dry clothes. "You first...you still remember where the bathroom is, don't you?"
"Maybe you'd better refresh my memory....all that excitement....."
"Mmmmm.....I think I can do that..." Duncan grabs his clothes and leads you to the bathroom.
"That tub is certainly bigger than I remember it," you say as you wink at Duncan. "A girl could get lost in there."
"We certainly couldn't have that happen. As a boy scout, I must be sure that you are safe at all times!" Duncan laughs long and loud. The water is steaming as you both throw off your clothes and sink into the tub. "Bubbles...nice touch."
"Soooo...do you need you're back scrubbed?" you ask Duncan. "After all, Mr. Boy Scout, I have to do something to repay your generosity..."
"Mmmmm....that would be grand!"
You take the sponge and soap it up, nice and sudsey, and rub Duncan's back, shoulders, and arms. You then reach around him and rub his chest. His muscles ripple under the sponge.
"Ummmm, that feels sooo relaxing." He leans his head back onto your shoulder. You gently kiss the top of his ear, and then move to the bottom of his ear, and then along his neck.
"My my, I didn't know I was that generous...."
"Well I do...," you say, "now lean forward and I'll get your back."
"Oh but its so comfortable right here...."
You try to concentrate on scrubbing his back and find it rather difficult. Duncan interrupts you're 'R' rated thoughts and says, "Okay your turn...."
"Mmmmm?"
"Well, as a 'boy scout', I need practice in back scrubbing, " he pauses, "for my merit badge..."
"But of course...," you add, "we couldn't have your skills getting rusty.... never know when you might need them."
As you move to hand him the sponge, you drop it.
"Oops, I dropped the sponge," you say., "Let me reach around and get it."
Duncan jumps a mile as you grab for the sponge very enthusiastically. "That is NOT the sponge!!"
"Oh, excuse me. Paint me pink!!" You laugh as Duncan settles back in the tub. He nuzzles your neck, and tickles you. You squeal, "Uncle, uncle!! You'll never earn that merit badge this way!!"
"How about this way?" he muses.
You slide past him, and rest your back on his chest. Looking up at him you smile, "How's that?"
"Perfect...."
"I would hate to impede on you earning that merit badge."
You giggle and Duncan says, "Of course not."
Duncan finishes scrubbing and starts to massage your neck and shoulders.
"Ohhhh...bonus points...."
"Well I think we're all clean now," Duncan says to you with a grin. "What should we do next?"
"How about if we...," you start to say when all of a sudden the phone rings.
"Why is it the phone always rings when you're in the bath!" Grumbling, Duncan rises from the tub. "It's as if they are watching us."
Light years away, in a galaxy far removed, Zorton looks at Zelpa and says, "They're on to us!" The aliens are having a great time watching Duncan and are planning a trip to Earth to abduct him first chance they get. ( Over our collective cold, dead bodies! LOL)
You find some skin lotion and start to put it on while Duncan is on the portable phone in the bathroom..... "Mmmmm hmmmmm....yes....nope.....alrighty then."
Duncan hangs up the phone and you say, "So do you need some lotion? You have such lovely skin.... it would be a shame for it to get all dried out."
"Good skin runs in my family." He takes the lotion bottle from you and says, "Here, let me get those hard to reach places. That skin lotion really does make your skin feel like silk," Duncan says as he rubs it in.
Duncan starts kissing the nape of your neck, and whispers in your ear. "How about we cut the fooling around and get down to what both of us really want to do."
You turn around to face him and look into his deep, brown eyes. "You've been reading my thoughts, Mr. MacLeod," you murmur, as he lifts you onto his lap and begins to move his hands up your back, caressing you all the way to your neck.
He says, "From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were someone special. I've been with many women, but you are exceptional, (I mean, who would put up with a purple quickening.... really!)" You cannot believe that this is all happening. It's like a dream. Duncan MacLeod, the most gorgeous, (naked), man you have ever been with, is making love to you. He bites your neck.
"Hey I thought you were Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!" you scream as he sinks his teeth into your neck drawing the blood out slowly.
"No, we just look alike. I'm evil Duncan, the vampire."
Duncan once again stops what he is doing, hesitantly feeling the buzz but really not wanting to stop. "I'm going to take Methos's head for this...."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
Just then there is a knock at the door. You leap out of the tub, grab for a towel and yell, "METHOS!!!!!"
Both of you are now wrapped in towels, and Duncan, feeling somewhat deflated and angry about it, flings open the door. "METH---," but it's not Methos at the bathroom door, it's the Taco Bell dog.
"Yo querro Taco Bell."
Duncan looks at down at the dog and starts to chuckle, then the chuckles turn into laughter, which in turn, turn into full fledged guffaws. "I cannae' take it any longer. My life used to be so simple, eat... sleep... take a few heads..."
"Take a few what?" you ask.
"Oh....nothing," Duncan says mysteriously. "Just a figure of speech." Duncan is bent over laughing. He stands back up and wipes his eyes.
You ask, "So where is Godzilla.... at the Taco Bell drive thru?"
"He’s outside," answers the dog.
Padding across the floor in your bare feet and towel, you look out the window. Yup, there he is, Godzilla, with a box on his head and a note saying 'free tacos'. The dog shakes his head and says, "I have got to get a bigger box!"
"Boy! Who gave you that big hickey? Certainly not the boy scout over there!"
You look hesitantly at Richie and then at Duncan. You ask, "Who are you?"
"Richie, have I ever told you your timing stinks!!" Duncan sighs.
Richie catches a glimpse of you in your rather small towel and says, "Hey, Mac... WHERE did you find THIS ONE? She's absolutely supreme! Oh, by the way, my name is Richie... Richie Ryan. I’m sorry for interrupting but Mac was supposed to help me tune up my bike."
"Tune up your bike this late at night? I don't think so! Try another one," you say laughingly.
"Ok, I just wanted to crash Duncan's party. He usually has a hot babe up here and..."
"That's enough of that," Duncan says as he shoves Richie out the door. "It's not true! Not one word of it!" Duncan exclaims.
"You have a lot of friends, Duncan." You wonder just how many more might drop in. "After tonight nothing will surprise me... King Kong could walk through that door and I wouldn't even bat an eye."
"I don't think King Kong could make it through that door," Duncan says.
Richie says, "Definitely not. Way too small for that big guy."
"Why?" you ask, "Has he been here before?"
"Yeah...and I think he used the back door!" Richie said to Duncan, "Isn't that right...Mac?" Richie laughs.
"Ha Ha Ha. Well, you gotta admit it has been an interesting day, week, month," Duncan says.
Richie reaches over and yanks your towel off.
"That was sneaky!" you yell as you make a grab for it.
"I learned everything I know from Duncan," he says with a smile.
"Oh really," you say, smiling. "I can't seem to get anywhere with Duncan this evening, did he teach you that too? Maybe I should check out the pupil before I meet the teacher..." You move seductively toward Richie, eying his physique. "Looks like you need a bath," you say to him as you start to help him off with his shirt.
"Hey! What about me?" Duncan asks.
"I think perhaps it's time to check out the pupil before I get involved with the teacher."
"No bloody way!" shouts Duncan, pushing Richie aside. "I've been up and down all evening, (no pun intended), trying to spend some time with this lovely woman!! You're not stealing her away from me now!!! Richie, find out what the Taco Bell dog and Godzilla want!!"
"Ahhhh Mac, you’re just no fun. I don't want to be eaten again by that beast."
"Richie, defend yourself. You know how to do that, don't you? Or do you want me to show you? Again?" Duncan sounds menacing.
"It’s not that, I just didn't enjoy being eaten by that guy!"
"Don't worry, you'll survive. Have fun Richie. Besides... judging by his breath I think they ate already." Suddenly there is the resonating sound of a BURRRRP. "See?"
"Yeah, but with my luck he'll get heartburn and start breathing fire..."
On that note Duncan takes you into the library. Changing his mind he says, "My bedroom might be safer." He grabs your hand and half pulls you upstairs. He enters the master bedroom, and slams the door.
"I defy any Purple Menace, any Taco Bell dog, any gargantuan beast of any shape or description, to disturb me now!!! ANNNDDDD, I WOULD SUGGEST THAT MY 'FRIENDS' FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO!!"
Methos emerges from his room and all--- Richie, Methos, the dog, Godzilla, King Kong, and the aliens--- stare at Duncan's door.
"My hero!" you say.
"Alone at last."
"Are you sure?"
"Mmmmm... we had better be or...." he says really loud, "I'm going to use something really sharp on someone.... and it' not going to be my tongue...."
Duncan grabs you and pushes you onto the bed. "I can't stand it," he says. "We've gotten so close to this point all night and we keep getting interrupted! Let's throw caution to the wind and..."
"Shut up already!" you say as you suddenly hear another resonating BURP shake the mansion. "Was that an earthquake? Here in Scotland?"
"No, I think that was our uninvited guest."
"You know, I think you had better turn off the Vacancy sign outside."
"Very funny!" Duncan answers sarcastically. "But still..." He gets off the bed and looks out the window. "Richie! What are you doing now?!?!? I'll be right back.....promise!"
Duncan runs out of the room. You think to yourself, "Do I really want to wait? Nope!"
You run out off the room after Duncan. Richie is out in the yard. "Oh hey, Mac, I think he really does have heartburn. Got any pepto?"
"Not enough for that beast."
"How about some baking soda?" you ask.
Duncan turns and sees you. "Oh...hi...I thought I told you..."
"Hey! You just said you'd be right back. Baking soda?"
"Yeah, I think I might have a case of that in the laundry room."
"MAC!... YOU'D BETTER HURRY, WHATEVER YOU'RE GONNA DO.... HE'S GONNA..... BLOW!!!!!" Richie yelled.
Suddenly, there is this really loud stomach growl...
"Oh GEEEZ..... get outta the WAY!!!"
You and Duncan make it inside, but not Richie. Taco bits fall all over poor Richie.
Duncan says, laughing, "Well.....I think he's feeling much better!"
You are giggling... no FOTFLOL.... and say, "Richie come inside. Wash yourself off!"
You take Duncan by the hand, look deeply into his beautiful brown eyes, and say, "Dearest, I think I'll just go see if my car won’t start now. The rain has stopped, and..." you eye the insanity going on before you and slowly back away.
"Take me with you," he whimpers.
You want to say yes to this gorgeous man, but you just don't know. "I don't think they," you point to Richie, Methos, the Taco Bell dog, and Mr. Heartburn himself, Godzilla, "are going to fit in my little rental."
"Leave them here!! I’ll grab a bag and we can get the heck outta here. I know a nice little spot down the road.... Fawlty Towers. Ever hear of it?"
