Hang on to your hat, it's the Old West!!!
You don't know what happened but one minute you are jogging down the street and the next you've been thrust back into another time. You're in the Old West where men are men and women, (well, you get my drift). It's night time and, disoriented, you walk to the only place that's open--the saloon.
As you step inside, all talk ceases and all eyes look your way. The first thing you realize is that most of the people in the room are men, except for the scantily clad "ladies". The second thing you notice is that you're still wearing a 20th century jogging outfit consisting of a sports bra like top and bicycle shorts!
Before trouble comes your way, a handsome man with a sheriff's badge approaches you.
He says, "Darling, you look like you need some help. I'm Duncan (or Adrian if you prefer) MacLeod at your service."
"Why, how kind of you to offer to help a lady in distress. I don't know what happened to me...I feel so confused, so lost...and so cold. Do you know where I might go to warm up on a night like this? I just don't know who to turn to!"
"Yes, ma'am, I know just the place to warm you up. My house is down the road. Come warm yourself by my fire."
He takes off his coat and puts it around you. Leading you outside he gently helps you onto his horse. You ride off together.
A group of bad guys are waiting for you! It seems they got an eyeful of how (ummmm) attractive you look in that jogging outfit and have decided they want you for themselves! Before Sheriff MacLeod can say ‘get along little dogies’ the two of you are tied up and the nasty guys are eyeing you like you were the last steak on the prairie.
Then you pull out your gerber knife that was hidden in your biker shorts and slide it to the Dunkster. He cuts you guys loose and you get to use the cool martial arts moves that you saw in that Jackie Chan movie last week. Of course, the Dunkmeister pulls out his lovely katana and cha ching....the other dude is quickly dispatched. You comment on how you think his ‘sword’ is quite lovely. With a twinkle in his eye he asks you if you'd like to hold it. You pretend not to know what he's implying and say not right now.
It's late and now that the bad guys have been sent to that hot place below you continue on horseback to the sheriff's ranch, which is a brown and white paint colored beauty.
The two of you saunter into the sunrise. Crimson rays flow over the two of you and warm you up, not that the heroine needs warming up at this point, when the two of you reach the ranch. The sheriff comments on how hungry he is. In appreciation for his heroic activities you fix him a lovely omelet, (which is a miracle considering there is no omelet pan and hardly any groceries), and for such a lovely meal the Dunkster shows his appreciation by showing you around the ranch. It's a large place with a wonderful natural hot springs pool, (ok, so if you've read my stories before you know I like water-sue me!).
After that long ride from town and that horrible fight with the bad guys you both think a little dip might be nice. Sheriff MacLeod promises not to look as you slip into the water, but although he's always been a man of his word before, you aren't sure if you should trust him. But what the hey.....you look into those beautiful eyes and your little voice tells you that you can trust this guy, so you hide behind a convenient ‘shrub’ and these strange medieval rejects suddenly appear out of nowhere demanding ‘shrubbery’!
"Och no, not again!", says the Highlander. "I thought I told you guys to leave last week."
The weird guys get lost and the two of you sink down into the warm inviting waters of the pool. He moves closer and closer and just as you think he's about to make a move he leans over your shoulder and grabs a snake that was almost upon you!
You yell, "Don't hurt him, that's my pet snake Reggie!"
Sheriff MacLeod puts the snake back down and pats it on the head.
"Why couldn't you have something normal...like a rottweiler or a cat?"
You tell him, "Well, I kinda inherited him from my husband.....my dead husband. But enough talk about my dead husband," I say as I boldly get out of the pool.
He looks me up and down and says, "Seeing you holding that snake reminds me of something."
The two of you grab a suddenly convenient towel and run to the ranch house as a torrential rainstorm suddenly barrels down on the ranch. You and the Sheriff, now very, very cold and wet, reach the ranch house. The Dunkster realizes that you are getting hypothermia and does the only logical thing which is to share body heat..
So you strip down, modesty forgotten in these dire medical
circumstances, and get under the covers, (to save your lives, of
course). But during the night things get hot and he must press his hot body against yours and wrap the towel, (which is getting bigger by the minute), around both of you. Your teeth stop chattering and your normal color is returning.
He says, "Wanna play Horsie?"
"Yes but I left my riding crop in my other pants," you say through slightly blue, smurfy lips.
"So are we warmed up yet??"
The End.....for now.......
