Ladies of the Board

A Progressive Thanksgiving

"So, tell me, Duncan, do immortals celebrate holidays?" asked kiwi, hoping he would say yes ...

"Of course, we do!" replied Duncan, "Why do you ask?"

"Well ... a few friends of mine & I are planning to gather together for Thanksgiving & each of us are to bring a friend. I thought I'd ask you. You'll have a memorable holiday, I gar-on-tee!"

"How many friends?"

"Oh, just a few," kiwi answered, keeping her fingers crossed. She "knows" the fruits number more than just a few, but Duncan doesn't need to know that quite yet.

"I'm always ready for good food, laughter & good cheer," said Duncan, "Count me in!"

So it happened that on Thanksgiving Day, bright & early, Duncan & kiwi appear on Wheels' doorstep (she having a rather large [or so I'm told] new house ... big enough to accommodate all the fruits and their friends!) bearing several large pumpkin pies ...

"Here's the dessert!" cried kiwi, tongue in cheek, when Wheels opened the door.

"My lands!" yelled Wheels. "What have we here?"

"Well," replied kiwi. "It's just a couple of......"

"Never mind those!" Without further ado, Wheels shoved Kiwi to the side and grabbed hold of the man standing behind her. "I am talking about THIS!!" So saying, Wheels hauled him through the doorway and began dragging him to the dining room. Just before she disappeared around the corner, she hollered, "Oh, Kiwi! You can come in too!!"

The dining room was gorgeous....china, silver, seasonal centerpiece, the works. The delicious smell of turkey cooking wafted through the house. Many of the "fruits" were out on the patio taking advantage of the wonderful weather. Carmen, Kizmet, 'mater, Wild Rose, Juju, and Chestnuts were chatting in the kitchen but when they caught sight of the new guest.... Each stopped speaking and started oohing and aahhing.

Kizmet was impressed with the fit of his jeans and dutifully eyed ALL angles; Carmen was eying his shirt, which was of questionable taste; WR was making sure he had no birthmarks that she could covert; Juju closed her eyes and imagined him in a white terry-cloth robe; and ChestNuts, being the person she was, imagined him spread out on her red satin sheets...

Duncan stops and turns back to Kiwi saying, "It's not polite to leave a lady waiting on the doorstep". He and Wheels walk back to Kiwi, who is none too pleased with Wheels, when a car pulls up in the driveway. The doors fly open and out jumps Juju, WR, 'mater, Winesap, and Thistle. Wheels and Kiwi exchange glances.

"Well, who have we here?" says Duncan.

Wheels and Kiwi pull Juju aside and ask her, "Were you so excited to meet him that you jumped into the car at the end of the drive? We KNOW you were on the patio a minute ago!"

With a smile, Juju replied, "Well, there's nothing wrong with making a dramatic entrace." Wheels rolled her eyes but being the dutiful host she steered everyone back into the living room. Everyone was so intent on him, that they missed Kiwi, until she said, "Lets start a Thanksgiving GAME!" she said,... and she gathered them all into the livingroom!

"What kind of a game did you have in mind?" Duncan said wishing he wasn't the only male in the room. He thought uncomfortably that he knew how the turkey felt before it became dinner.

"How 'bout Twister?" Pommes suggested with a wicked gleam in her eye .Pommes had the twister game laid out on the floor. Winesap eyed the Twister board and said, "I've never played this," as the other fruits rolled their eyes in mock surprise.

"Wait ... I prefer strip poker myself!" said CN, "At least strip-down-to-our-undies poker!"

Duncan quickly searched the closet for..... lots of extra shirts, sweaters, coats to layer over what he was already wearing ! So he'd be prepared for the game! ;-) But all he could find was one very feminine winter coat with a HUGE fake fur collar since Mr. Wheels & Mr. Wheels, Jr. keep their outer wear elsewhere.

"Uh oh" he said, as he looked around and saw all the fruits eagerly setting up to start the STRIP POKER game.

But then the doorbell rang. "Saved by the bell," Duncan sighed with relief.

"I'll get it," said Thistle.

As she opened the door, she tripped and fell right into the arms of a very surprised Methos! He was standing there with Joe and Richie (Hey this is fantasy right?) and the falling Thistle almost knocked him over!

Thistle~ turned bright red and wanted to disappear that instant -- but Methos was sweet and said, "I can tell this is going to be a great Thanksgiving!"

Richie peered around the door and said, "Hey where's my girl?"

To which several fruits cried, "Over here, cuteness!" ...

Now while this exchange was going on at the front door, there was something very intesting going on in the bathroom just around the corner off the family room (*I* didn't want to mention it, of course *snort, snerk*) cuz Rose "La Wild One" started her own game of "strip poker" with TAO (in said 1/2 bath!!!!) ... really!!!! She wanted to make it extra interesting & looonnng (the strip!) sooo, she started with her purple fuzzy socks (one at a time) ... When she got the her left foot, TAO saw the bruize left over from Halloween (remember Wheels' 'go-go' boot tango?)... anyway it was at this moment that TAO took her foot gingerly in his hands & started caressing it!

Unbeknownst to this pair (IN THERE!) CN, Kiz, Kiwi & Carmen were lined up outside, ostensibly to 'use' aforementioned facilities (BUT!) I know truly that, for instance, Carmen wanted Duncan to take his shirt off, being Head Fashion Critic, also, along with the rest of 'em she just wanted to him to take his shirt off ... Anyway, there they are LISTENING at the door & as soon as Rose began to moan, CN reached up over the door & grabbed the "UN"lock the door thingey (the Wheels' placed it there just in case someone locked themself in the bathroom alone or with The Man)..CN unlocks the door and the 4 of them proceeded to enter that tiny half bath!

The doorbell tingled & Wheels with fake fur locked about Methos' ankle ran for the door ... hoping it wasn't Mr.Wheels back from the business trip early, she opened the door only to find a big turkey standing there!

"Oh, I thought this was a costume party!" said Physalis with a throaty drawl .. and, once again, she had ... ahem, er, "someone" by the leg (in fact, this person was "moaning" cuz Physalis *just love that fruit* had bumped the poor person's head on the brick stairs as she dragged 'em along behind her), also, our wonderful lil wench had one leg draped over a case of Chandon(!!!!!!)champagne (YES!) ...

Someone yelled out ,"I'm for one of those drumlegs, er, sticks!" and with that, the case of Chandon was turned over to strong arms & the turkey, er, Physalis was shown into the house, STILL pulling the body of Fitzcairn. Losing the glazed look (often gotten around the Fruits), Fitz started complaining, "Lassie (and I don't mean the dog!), I TOLD you I would come along with you! Ya dinnae have to pull me along with you!"

As Physalis passed through the doorway, Fitz grabbed the doorframe, causing Physalis to drop him and fall forward. She caught herself just in the nick of time before she fell on her beak.

"Get this costume off me!" she exclaimed.

"Love to!" Fitz said getting off the ground as he started with the bodice area.

Giving a squawk, Physalis started to bat at his hands, only to end up flapping her wings at him instead. Hearing chuckles behind her, Physalis swung around, catching Fitz with her wattle they both went down in a big heap of feathers. The fruits tried to control their mirth but it was a losing battle. Duncan burst out laughing and it was contagious. Physalis, face beet red, kept trying to help Fitz up but each time they tumbled down again.

"Help us up you daft Scot!" Fitz yelled.

With a big grin, Duncan took ahold of Physalis and Fitz and hauled them up.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance," Joe said to Fitz with a smirk.

"Of course I know how to make an entrance, laddie!" yelled Fitzcairn. "I've been on the stage for YEARS! Why, I remember ..."

"Not now, you goof!" cried Methos. "Help me untangle myself!"

"Here let me help you," Wheels said with a smile as she began to caress.....I mean.....untangle his body. How he had gotten tangled up was a mystery but Wheels knew a good opportunity when she saw one. Then she noticed the fake fur wrapped around his ankle. "Oh I'm terribly sorry!" she cried. Just then the doorbell chimed again.

"I might as well leave the door open!" she said and hearing that, the guests entered.

Kronos led the 3 guests in, saying, "Word has spread that the Fruits were feasting on a form of my favorite fowl. Forgive me for forcing my way forward, but I LOVE chicken!" So saying, he licked his fingers and smacked his lips. Behind him stood an unreconizable Pineapple with a carved pumpkin on her head and several custard pumpkin pies in her hands.

"Eeek!" exclaimed kimzet, "Girl, take that pumpkin off your head and set those scrumptious pies right here on the counter!".

"Okay, ladies....we need to get organized here and VERY definitely get DM out of that 1/2 bath with WR!", said 'mater. "She's been in there way too looooong, plus how long does it take to take off a pair of socks for goodness sakes!....Besides, we all know that WR will have less on when she plays the "poker" game, right?"...she said quite contritely.

Joe started setting up his guitar to provide "mood" music for the game about to start when a shrill piercing sound filled the air. Covering their ears, the Fruits looked at each other with a questioning look. (Some also had an indecisive look on their face, not sure whether this was a time to panic or not.)

With a calm, unflustered look, Wheels said, "Don't worry. It's just the smoke detector. It went off because it always does when CN is cooking!"

"I heard that!" ChestNuts said poking her head around the corner of the kitchen door. *Sniff!.*.. "Well, of course the smoke alarm decided to clamor at just this time...I mean, pleaaaase, the ventilation, don't ya know (no reflection on Wheels or Mr. Wheels but just a tad more suction over the stove, please!)....The turkey is just turning brown and crispy, the yams are simmering in the brown sugar and the green beans with almond slivers are just beginning to steam to perfection...

"Now, how about that game....seems to me that Mr. Dunkie should be able to "strip" to his skivvies (given the fact that the cards are rigged...lol!)...".

So saying, she pulled her head quickly back inside the kitchen- just missing being hit by the bathroom door (yes, of the 1/2 bath!) as Wild Rose raced out of the bathroom, with Duncan in tow.

As she dashed out the front door to safety, Plums grabbed Duncan. Since WR had a lock on Duncan's hand, she was pulled back inside, at which time Plums made use of her velvet lined cuffs and cuffed WR to the coat tree in the hallway.

Plums then led Duncan into the room where the games were being played.

The first hand of "strip to the undies" poker was being dealt by Carmen when Chantilly Lace noticed that the deck was marked. "Ok, who's cheating?"she asked.

Several of the fruits smirked. Richie said, "I just happen to have a fresh deck right here".

Carmen opened the deck (that had some very interesting pictures on the back but that's another story *eg*) and began to deal. Duncan lost the first hand and with a deep breath, stood up.

Placing his hands on his hips, he then reached behind his head to pull his hair band free. He grinned at the groan of disappointment that rose from the Fruits, and smirking, he tossed the hair piece into the center of the playing area. Squeezing down between 2 fruits (unnamed to avoid jealousy!), he waited while the cards were reshuffled.

Once again he lost the hand.

"Are you losing on purpose?" Richie asked with a grin.

"Yeah, my favorite pastime is stripping for ladies,"Duncan said sarcastically as he removed his right boot.

"Well, I heard that about you but I wasn't sure if it was true," said Joe teasingly.

"Snack time!" Wild Rose said coming in with a big bowl of M & M's.

"Ummmmm M & M's.... my favorite!" Methos said as he took a big handful "Goes great with beer".

"Everything goes great with beer according to you, brother," Kronos sneered. "When do we get to carve the turkey?" he said, pulling out his sharp sword. As he pulled this sharp sword out of the sheath, it glistened in the light. As Kronos swung it around slowly, the tip of the blade accidently (?) severed the straps of Wheels' gown, causing it to slither, as if in slow motion, down her body, revealing her lavender "miracle bra" she'd bought at Victoria's Secret a few days ago ( at last! An excuse to wear it.)

"No fair!" said the other fruits. "You look like you were prepared for this!" They eyed her, and the undergarment, suspiciously. Wheels was about to discreetly pull her dress up when a thunderous crash came from the bathroom!!!

As a group, the fruits jumped up, hauling their guests with them, and rushed to the bathroom. When they opened the door, they couldn't believe their eyes! Speechless, they stared at the sight before them.

Now, they hadn't really complained when Wheels had 'modeled' her new bra. They made no comment when Wild Rose served M & Ms to Methos, all the while dragging around the coat tree she was handcuffed to.

But even these forebearing fruits could not tolerate this!! After a quick conference amongst themselves, they hauled, pushed, shoved and threw Carmen to the front of the bunch and told her to, "DEAL WITH IT!!" (An aside here...Poor Wheels will have to replace her rug. The marks Carmen made while digging in- with hands, feet, fingers, elbows, knees and whatever else she could use- and fighting the push forward will never be repairable. Poor Wheels! *suffering sigh*)

Carmen bravely faced the couple in the bathroom, ChestNuts and Anthony DeLongis, (who had slipped into the party unnoticed earlier) and told them that there were to be *no* private whip demonstrations in the bathroom.

Anthony looked at Carmen and with a smirk shut the door in her face.

"Well I think that went well" Carmen said as she returned to the poker game. By this time Duncan was down to his jeans and the fruits were in various forms of disarray much to the guys delight.

The timer went off in the kitchen and Wheels said, "Ain't NO WAY we're stopping this game!! CN won't care if the food gets cold, anyway, since she's wrapped up in Anthony."

With that, she ripped the cards from the dealer's hand and muttering to herself, began to deal the cards. "Aces, deuces and Jacks are wild in this game! Let's play!"

A hush fell as Wheels dealt the cards. Eyes focused on each card as it landed with a soft 'thush' in front of each player. Every person sensed that this hand, dealt with such flair, would be the deciding hand.. the hand that revealed all.

*suspenseful music swells* Little did the Fruits and the unsuspecting male guests know that this hand would also decide their future! *suspenseful music fades*

As if united, all lifted their cards as one. The silence was broken only by the slight shhhish of the cards rubbing against each other as they were rearranged in hands... hands gone damp with the tenseness of the moment.

As Pommes leaned forward to state whether she would retain her cards, a large shadow loomed over the playing area and a voice boomed out, "WHEELS!! Why are there half-naked people in my living room? And why are you wearing that purple bra that you bought for our anniversary????"

You could hear the necks snap! crackle! and pop! as they all whipped around to see Wheels' hubby standing in the doorway- having returned early from his trip. Mr. Wheels stood over the playing surface with fire in his eyes and hands on hips. Wheels was seen scrambling to put back the items that she had lost (missing a few buttons too, I might add).

"Oh, honey, you're home," exclaimed Wheels. "How was your trip?".

All of a sudden the door the the bathroom slammed open and out strutted ChestNuts and Anthony DeLongis... grinning like Chesire cats! As Mr. Wheels was standing near the door when it was flung open, it caught him in the head and knocked him out. With a thump, he hit the floor.

"Oh Honey....Here, let me make you a little bit more comfortable," exclaimed Wheels as she shoved a kitchen towel under his head...all the while trying to re-arrange her clothing into the state it was in prior to his arrival...

Anthony decided to saunter into the kitchen to re-fresh himself (whew!) and ChestNuts sort of slithered into the playing area....

"All right, ladies...let's deal those cards," she purred. "I feel lucky tonight!".

It was Wild Rose's turn to deal but kizmet, ever watchful, saw the slight of hand performed and exclaimed, You cheater!"

Wild Rose said, "Prove it!" but before Kizmet could do just that Kronos came in the room again and said, "I am starving! What is it with you people? You want us to get naked before we eat? OK, but quit playing this infernal game!" and he began to take his clothes off. As a group, all the women started clapping and chanting, "Take it off! Take it ALLLLLL off!!" The chanting and clapping were so loud that no one heard the sirens until the lights from the police cars shone through every window. "Bam, Bam, Bam" on the front door. "Open up - Police!" Wheels rushed to open the door.

"Yessir," she said.

"Ma'am we have several complaints about the noise from this house and your alarm service has phoned us saying that your smoke detector has been going off for over fifteen minutes."

"Weeelllll, officer," said Wheels, "we're just having a good time...and by the way, has anyone ever told you that you look like Mel Gibson?"

"Well now that you mention it," the officer said with a grin and after giving them a warning to keep it down, he left.

"Time for dinner!" Pommes called as she came from the kitchen with a bottle of champagne in her hand. She handed the bottle to Duncan who popped it and they began to fill everyone's glasses. It took several bottles of champagne but when everyone had a glass full Duncan said, "I'd like to make a toast.

"A toast to friendships, which stretch across miles; a toast to Fruits, which feed a daily need; a toast to imagination, without which I would not be; a toast to the makers of the feast we are about to consume; and last, but not least, a toast to marked decks, which make the game so much more interesting! Salut!"

After clinking their glasses together they drank the champagne and sat down at the wonderfully decorated Thanksgiving table. It was a gigantic round table that Wheels had especially for this occasion so everyone could see and be seen.

"Before dinner is served," Wheels said "I have to ask you all, as it is a Thanksgiving traditon in our house, what are you thankful for?"

Kronos rolled his eyes but was mercifully silent. He figured that he'd *never* get to eat if he said anything against this strange custom.

"I'll start," Wild Rose said "Although I think Duncan said it all in his toast. I'm thankful for these friends who add so much to my life and for the men of Highlander who provide such a rich fantasy life for me!"

"Fantasy?" Methos said under his breath. "I feel like such a tart!"

Under the pretense of leaning forward to hear kizmet speak, Wheels placed her hand on Methos' thigh and whispered, "You feel like a hunk of hot man to me sweetie, which I am VERY thankful for!"

kizmet, with a very serious (Can you believe it?) look, stated, "I am thankful for my family, which now includes many fruits that Duncan unknowingly introduced me to. I am also thankful to Duncan and his many friends and acquaintances, all of whom have encouraged me to expand my horizons. For that I will always be grateful."

"May I say a couple of things?" a man's tenor tones asked. All turned to the middle of this huge table to see Bob Chapin, standing mighty fine, er, and tall. As he glanced about the table making eye contact with all of the fruits, his eyes locked onto Carmen's and wetting his lips, he smiled and said, "I wish to give special thanks for this feasting and special thanks for a double-boiler, caramel & a certain someone's 'bared' shoulder!"

Blushing to the nth degree (can you positively believe it?????), Carmen raised her skirt, ahem, er, I meant to say, Carmen 'skirted' the compliment by raising her glass & winking seductively at Mr. "DreamBoat".

Kronos, who was awfully hungry (most of us hoped it was for food), stood up & said, "ENOUGH!! If I don't put something into my mouth soon, I'm grabbing a turkey wing, a fruit for wenching & I'm claiming the den upstairs." Kiwi (that talented fruit) pitched a bite o'yam toward Kronos & it landed into his still opened mouth -- everyone thoought this clever and began eating.

NOT really wanting to start anything (eyes cast 'heavenward') but (!) suddenly someone screamed! Strange, but I (Wheels) was of the opinion that everyone was seated for the meal (obviously this was NOT the case) ... because the scream came from u p s t a i r s . . .

It was Winesap! Caspian had decided that he couldn't wait til dinner and had taken a nibble out of her tasty looking thigh. Winesap reached down, grabbed his ear, and twisted it as hard as she could. He let go of her thigh and yelled as she shoved him down the stairs.

*THUMP... THUD....THUD....THUMP.... THUNK....THUMP* Caspian rolled down the stairs, until with a *THWUMP* he landed at the bottom. Standing up, he shook his head and said, "I am...", then fell back to the floor- knocked out.

Kronos stepped over Caspian, saying, "...out cold, I do believe, Brother." Smiling at Winesap, he extended his hand. Taking hold of her fingers, he kissed the back of her hand, letting his tongue quickly flitter against her skin. Methos rolled his eyes at Kronos' 'gallantry'.

Continuing to hold Winesap's hand, Kronos asked, "Where have you been hiding, my lovely morsel? I am sure that I would have seen you before if you had been downstairs with the rest of us."

The fruits gladly made a place for Winesap at the table. "Well now, let's proceed with the thanks." directed Wheels.

"Me next," said Pommes. "I know we've all said this and I'll keep it short, but I am grateful for the friends, the foolishness and the support of all the fruits. You're a grand bowl of fruits!"

Everyone raised their glasses (fruits don't need much of an excuse) and downed more champagne. In fact, Wheels had to send hubby (now cooled down and resigned to the fact that his dining room table now sat an entire bowl of fruits - both domestic and foreign and organic and oh I get carried away - sorry) out for more bubbly. He agreed to go, but when he opened the kitchen door to go, he stopped, gasped and said, "There's a woman holding a huge sword standing on our doorstep!"

Wild Rose peered around the corner and smiled. "Nanas, have you taken up swordfighting?"

"Nope. I met Silas in the driveway and he couldn't carry the sword, the ax and the beer in all at once so I told him I'd help him."

"Well come on in, we're just about to eat," Chantilly Lace said opening the door wider so Silas and Nanas could come in.

"Did someone say beer?" Methos chimed in with a very pleased expression on his face.

"Got your favorite brand, brother! Brewed it myself. I call it Four Horseman Ale," Silas said with what he thought was a smile but it actually looked a bit sinister.

"Dinner's getting cold," Duncan said as he pulled a few more chairs up to the table. Closing his eyes he said a short celtic blessing over the food and began to carve the turkey. Duncan carved as Thistle~ held the platter. Meanwhile, when the ladies weren't staring at him, which was most of the time ( and oh so subtly, I might add *G*), they were discussing things to come like SC's famous Chocolate cream pie and Pommes' luscious tarte aux Winesap apples.....And, of course, they wondered if Wheels would top off the meal with her special espresso blend (and if this year, she'd share her secret).

Suddenly, JuJu felt a steady drip, drip, drip on her head, and when she looked up, she saw it was a brown liquid. They soon found out that it was just Wheels ( OK, OK not* just* Wheels, that's only a figure of speech) preparing her special blend (away from prying eyes). A little had accidentally spilled through that old, improperly installed cable connection.

Later, coffee and pies were served and the Fruits and Duncan and all the rest talked through the night & I might add, a good time was had by all (including Kronos)