U.S.S. Starship Zooky 9330-Q

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• Captain: THE INTREPID Capt. Buck Sweetness
  Besides his dashing good looks, our intrepid Captain is blessed with hair. Lots of it. His flowing brown locks are just that... they grow at a rate of about a foot per minute. Buck is followed at all times* by a team of flying hair-bots, who periodically trim, comb, clean and arrange his hair for him.

• First Mate: Commander Harper Chance
  Harper Chance is indubitably the most popular man on the Zooky. On his home planet, constant orbital anomaly causes everything to vibrate. Consequently, Harper vibrates constantly, much to the delight of the ladies. His religion mandates that he wear clothing that would remind us Earth-folk of the bartender's costume of about 1925.

• Second mate: Lieutenant Commander Rococo
  The tale of Rococo's integration into our ship's crew is a tragic one. Rococo, a large bear originally from the planet of Celadon (whose only major export is green colored pencils), was taken as prisoner-of-war by the Mutant Socks of Dryer-ON when invasions racked the planet. Rococo was subjected to months of torture when he refused to give the location of the secret pencil mines. At the moment of no hope, Rococo was rescued by the intrepid Buck Sweetness. Although sexless, Rococo spends every night in the Captain's cabin.

• Ship's Counselor: Counselor Ooana Succulent
  (pronounced Wanna)
  Miss Succulent is the second most popular crew-member on the ship. Certainly the most sexy life-form on ship, but who can resist a vibrating man? Her power of persuasion is legendary. However, throngs of the adoring can sometimes prove too much for her; therefore, she wears a special chameleonic headband (matches all outfits) that sends repellent jolts to all dweebs and losers. (Dweeb-sensing technology is further along than you think!)

• Ship's Engineer: "Jughead Jerry"
  a.k.a. "Hot Stuff"
  Long ago in a horrid accident, Jerry was reduced to only a pair of eyeballs. But, his engineering skill being too important to waste (or his rich grandmother being too obsessed to deny), Jerry was saved. His eyeballs float in a special jar, connected to a one-of-a-kind Positronic Acorn Brain (TM) and suspended in nutritious and delicious Positronic Jelly (TM) in Assorted Fruit Flavors. Jerry has a large store of different flavors, and generally changes his jelly every few days.** Jerry's jar is equipped with robotic arms and legs, a speaker with realistic Jerry voice, and (at Jerry's request) a painted-on reproduction of his original mustache.

*Except for while he's sleeping (he wears it in a special containment headpiece) and during the events documented in Episode One.

**Positronic Peach Jelly (TM) was the cause of the incidents in Episode One.

Are there links here? What in the world would we possibly have links to from this page? Why, the Zooky pictures by Chris and Meagan, of course! Wow!

Remember, this is all very much fake, meant to be (hopefully) very much funny, and was all concocted (mostly) at our apartment from midnight to 7 AM when we were all either drunk, sick, or hyper. Or more than one of the above.