HOtME
:)MY SPeecH foR tHe ACADeMY AwARd...(:
wWOAOWW!!! I'll try not to cry!!! I don't want to wet the paper where my speech is written...
i wAnted soMebodY reallY funnY to write mY speech for tonight, somebodY i TRULY worship, someone I have always have dreamed to resemble to. this person, mesdames et messieurs, is...
unavailable...
aS are all the other pEOpLE I've bEEN asking to. None of them were available... at my price. so I think that's it, you'll have to listen to my own SPEEch.
At least I can put my own thanks. thIs eNables me TO thAnk people I know.
so I thank my mother. and my father. and the mother of my MOTHER. and the FATHER of my MOTHER. wait. no. I said I'd thank people I know.
I'll thank my wife. no. wait. I haven't met her yet. so I'll thank my friends. No WAiT... Just kidding.
seriously, I want to thank all the people who made this possible. So I want to thank Thomas Edison. ...
then Freud, the man who tortured my mind by making me think I might be cured…
one day... with the help of my money...
that is... your money.
by the way I tHaNk yoU, tHe tHoUsaNds of people wHo weNt to sEE mY movIe, dIdN't lIkE It, bUT dIdN't say a woRd to tHReateN tHe PeoPle wHo voTeD fOr mE. I tHAnK aLL of mY silENt EnEmiEs.
I Have no worDs To TeLL wHaT I THinK oF THe oTHer ones...
I also want to thank God. Yesterday, I didn't believe in HiM. Now I do. because I have no other explanation for … THIS! (showing the award).
... finally you should thank the man behind the curtains here, the man who is waving his arms and making big signs to remind me that I have to… I had to… make it short!