the Gods were immortal
the old stories say
so let's take a look
at what they're doing today

King Zeus and Queen Hera
not just husband and wife
but brother and sister
so they're both serving life

the god of the dead Hades
works for TV
it seems he's a natural
as a quiz show MC

Poseidon once ruled
the sea's full extent
now he's credited on "Bay Watch"
as a _beach consultant_

the huntress and virgin
was pure Artemis
she had her name changed
and is now Artems.

Aphrodite more lovely
than Helen of Troy
appears on the pages
of this month's Playboy

Apollo whose chariot
shone like the sun
is now driving taxicab
871

Athene the goddess
of wisdom and sciences
has a new job designing
kitchen appliances

that swift young god
the messenger Hermes
now runs a pizza
delivery service

Hephaestus the craftsman
a true artisan
designs cheap plastic toys
to be made in Taiwan

with his music and sex-drive
the half-goat god Pan
was a natural to start
his own rock 'n' roll band

Eros whose arrows
brought love said the bards
now writes bad verses
for twee greeting cards

Medusa and sisters
provide for the gentry
the most realistic
lawn ornamentry

the Cyclops now leads
a campaign to ban
as discriminatory
those stereograms

the Kraken has sadly
left this mortal coil
washed up on a beach
dead - covered in oil

the tormenting Furies
drove men to confession
they still have that job
they sing country and western

the Muses have found
inspiration has gone
and now they are writers
of humdrum sitcoms

but of all the old Gods
none did succeed more
than overworked Ares
whose profession is --
war!