Getting a Relationship to Work

Below are 10 general guidelines to maintain your relationship and make it work.

1. Always Communicate

Often discuss with your partner as regards your relationship in an open manner: Emphasis is on empathy and don't criticize.
2. Share expectations and past hurts

Share with with you partner your expectations and wounds of the past. Make this relationship a space to healing these wounds in order to help close past chapters in your life.

3. Having learnt from the past, share your new needs

Our needs are constantly changing with every relationship. This means that you have learnt from past experiences, hence the need to re-evaluate your wants. Share with your partner your needs and value each other's needs as much as your own.
4. Be honest to each other

You have to really indicate what you want as well as what you are uncomfortable with, and tell is as it is but with much love and sensitivity. Otherwise misunderstanding may occur.
5. Acknowledge each other's faults

Acknowledge your weaknesses and bad habits/temperament and project them less on each other.

6. Acknowledge each other's strengths

Find within yourself strengths and good qualities that your partner has but you lack.
7. Understand intrinsic needs

Acknowledge your profound need to love and be loved.
8. Genuine Commitment and Effort

Make a real commitment and effort to make your relationship a satisfying and lasting one.

9. Balance between career and relationship

Organise your time so you feel at ease with both career and relationship with your partner. Often a good career helps maintain a healthy relationship.
10. Balance between career and relationship

Take at least one romantic day a week and one weekend a month off to be with your partner, away from either work, family or friends. Do things as lovers do; work, play, share a hobby. Just be 'lazily' with each other at the beach, or wine and dine.

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It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for the one available. Best to wait for the one you love than one who's around. Best to wait for the right one because life's too short to be wasted on just someone.

"An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust,desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams,weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong?

• communication


• intimacy


• a sense of humor


• sharing household tasks


• some getaway time without business or children


• daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)


• sharing common goals and interests


• giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure


• giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion.

"As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have friendship, today is beautiful."

Love is when you take away the passion and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.