Today and Forever
My life was a dream. A dream of hope and happiness. A dream that was suppose to last a lifetime. I dream which turned into a nightmare. A nightmare that will never end.
November 13, 1999, I met a man who I thought was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. He was loving, nurturing, kind, caring, and romantic all wrapped up into a handsome body and a beautiful smile. Day after day I came home to a set of open arms, and a home full of romantic gestures. It did not take me long to fall in love with him, and vow that he was my life, my love forever.
Months turn into a year, and I was still sharing my happiness with him. Until the day came when the romance died, and I was left with a broken heart and empty arms. He was still there in body, but his love for me was gone. No more cards, poems, gifts, or candlelight dinners. Only arguments, fights, and empty arms. Harsh words and cold shoulders left me both broken and beaten, and unable to go on. It was said we were not right for each other, and in my heart I knew he was right. To save my soul and his, I prepared to move on, to a new home, to a new life, alone and cold.
A few weeks later, a light shown on me, and I found I was with child, his child. This was my prayer answered. I had always wished to be a mother, and now I had the chance. But to what tortures must I endure to be with this child of his. The day came for me to tell him. And as my heart jumped from my chest, I spoke the words “I am with child”. He smiled a smile I had not seen a long time, and grabbed me close. This was what renewed our long lost love. And I just new we loved each other the way we did before.
As the weeks passed and the months carried on, I sank into a deep depression. One no one knew about, or ever could imagine. Nothing had changed between me and my love. No wrongs had been righted, no apologies taken to heart. Only harsh words, and anger once again. And with this wonder coming into the world, I could not bear to face it alone. Nights I cried myself to sleep, and nights I sit awake, wondering why had God given two people like us such a gift. No answer came, and I pressed on to see what the road lay ahead for me.
Now I lie in bed with the young babe beside me, only 1 week old, I let my mind drift to the days of happiness I shared with him. The first kiss on the river front park, the moment when I knew I loved him more then life it’s self, the night we shared after he proposed to me. They were all so real, so vivid in my mind. As I looked down on the young babe, I knew my feelings didn’t matter, only that she have a father. So I made a vow to myself. One that would make us a family. One that would make us all well. From that day forward, my heart would be stone, and I would not look for nor try for the feelings I used to once have for him and for us. And as a tear rolled down my cheek, I looked at my daughter and said, “For you little one, I shall keep this family together.”
Seven months almost to the day, and I can no longer go on like this. My heart hurts more then I can bear; my eyes sore for rubbing the tears away. Day by day I drift, on and more slowly then the next. Home is cold, and love is long forgotten. From the days I met him, he had my heart. But no long can I bear to torture myself. Today I pack my clothes, and box up my things. I move away tomorrow, and I leave all I have fought for before behind. He will always be in my heart, somewhere buried deep down. But as for me and my daughter, we are now only buried deep into his mind.
Wrote: June 28, 2002
{Home} {Poetry Page} {About Me} {Midis} {Email}
©1997 Homepage done by Ravenwing.