Here's the thing. Do we only want what we can't have? I've been thinking a lot about what Dharshan said the other day, where if he's at a club with friends, he's not going to stand out much, but if he's at a club with hot girls on his arms "fawning" over him, then he would stand out a lot more. And it's true - it's all about competition. Everyone's had that girl/guy who has a bit of a crush on you but you're not really interested, and the second that you hear someone else is interested in them, you start to think twice. As Dharshan put it - "You start thinking, what does HE/SHE have?" (Okay perhaps it's a lot of money and those women are really just hired escorts but let's ignore that possibility for the moment) That's when you actually give that person a chance... it's like with friends too, when you were a kid. Our social circles revolved around who everyone else thought was cool. Even if we didn't know the kid who was being picked on, we would most likely never bother to get to know them because we take what everyone around us as the common truth. And same with the popular kids too - some of them you didn't get along with at all, but you always tried to be friendly towards them because they were popular... and if you don't like them and everyone else does, then are you missing out on something that you can't see? So we keep searching for something that tells us why that other person is so special; that guy in the club with girls hanging off his arms, that guy/girl who had a crush on us but we never bothered with until competition arose; or that popular kid that you never really liked. Now onto the whole guy/girl scene.. The Rules ("Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right) tells us girls that to hook this Mr Right, we must remain somewhat elusive and out of reach... unattainable unless they get their act together and propose or C-O-M-M-I-T. I had to spell that one out for the sake of my fellow c-o-m-m-i-t-m-e-n-t phobes. Think about it this way... if a girl and a guy go out on a date, he ends the evening with "I'll call you". Now they both know that the waiting period, as not to seem too eager is a customary 3 days. But what if those 3 days didn't happen and he called the very next day? Well if the girl isn't THAT interested then she starts getting freaked out and thinking that things are moving a bit too fast - we're talking stalker possibility here. Even if the guy is a wonderful person, they got along great, she didn't have time to miss him. If he calls 3 days later, she has had time to get insecure about where they stand, how good the date really was, and she overanalyzes every situation and every instance of the date because she's wondering why he hasn't called yet. Common questions:
- Maybe he thought it was stupid when I said [insert stupid sentence here]
- Was I not a good kisser?
- Maybe he's met someone else and they've eloped
- Maybe he doesn't want a relationship
- I wonder if he's been hit by a truck while in a phonebooth trying to find my number... should I send him flowers in the hospital?
- Did my hips look big?
- Should I get a boob job?
And the list goes on... when you have time to miss someone, you walk around each day hoping you'll bump into them and that it was 'meant to be'.. you wonder what they're doing at any given moment.. anytime you see their name anywhere or when you see anything that reminds you of them you get a little heart flutter. You go shopping and you want to buy them a gift.. you go over in your head again and again what you're going to say the next time you see them or hear from them. Even if the date was horrible, the girl will wonder why the guy isn't calling and start to like him more... thus giving way to her liking him more and more.
So is all that we feel during those crucial 3 days just our own imaginations wandering wildly? Girls (and guys), let me just say this... do not EVER let yourself get into a situation where the guy won't commit to a relationship but wants the physical benefits... eg. fuck friends. Because you are worth so much more than that. P.S. And give the guy a chance!