Once upon a time in a fairy tale dream I meet Damian.....across this net across the black writing on a indifferent background...my love.

Such a freak thing for us to meet.  We meet in ChatPhiles.... his handle Raven  mine Dace...A love blossomed so quickly..so fast.  We meet September 29, 1997. He brought such joy across this computer.  His intelligence, devotions, caring heart showed to me.  Then on October 8 he asked me to be his girlfriend and without a moment of hesitation I accepted.  The next almost three months were so great.  I feel in love with him...more than any other man before...yet I had never seen his face.  We spent hours in chat rooms...even longer on the phone...letter after letter written to each other on e-mail and on paper.  Fanaticize, Romances and even Poetry.  He hit my heart, he broke every wall that was inside of me down...he was my knight and shinning armor.

Then the un-thinkable for me.  We broke up on New Years Day 1998...suppost to be the start of a great year... HA...what a joke.  We said that we would be friend...said we still loved each other.  I knew none of that mattered anymore.  We wrote infrequently...letters of apology, letters of anger.  Months past by and I grew to no longer love him.  I learned to accept that he wasn't my knight.  Until one day something, someone made me think of him again...long to again be part of his life..to be his love again.

It happened to hit me harder than ever how much I loved him and actually after all that happened wanted him back when I meet my best friend Kathy’s friend Kevin.  He reminded me so much of Damian.  It hurt me to look at him.  Two days later I left Kathy’s and returned to my home here in Montana wanting more than ever to talk to the stranger from my past.

I called him with intentions.  I wanted him back as a friend maybe more if nothing else at least as my friend.  I never realized that he still cared about me which showed over the course of the next month.  By the beginning of July my relationship with Kathy began to fall apart and he was there for me every step of the way...holding me up as I fell.  I don't think he ever realized how important that was to me.

I feel back in love with Damian....began to realize that I very much wanted a relationship with him again.  We talked of it often, only because I wanted to though.  He told me how much he wasn't ready for a “commitment”  and well I had to accept that.  His parents mind you never have really truly liked the idea of what we meant to each other and I think it scared them how close we were getting again during these past few months.

Yet, my fairy tale dreams of us together, our love so strong is shattering again at my feet. I hate what is happening.  I wanted to meet my Knight but it is imposable..I have to wait and wait and wait.  My dreams lead me to him so often.  Dreams of us together us happy us spending time together.

I keep standing there at the bank near a river watching him in a boat as the line that ties me to him slowly slip from my hands...come back come back I call to him...and the more I call the further the rope falls from my hands.

Come back I call one last time as the rope falls from my hands and tears flow from my eyes  and the only words I can say are I love you.
 

It has been almost two years since I have written that above.  And in some ways I can say that I still don't have deep feelings for Damian because I definitely do.  The past two years have been a roller-coaster of emotions between us and apart.  And Damian and I have followed very separate paths.

Although we have chosen not to pursue one another, I cannot say that we may not some day, or that we may never find our paths crossing, and leading back into one another heart.  I cannot truly in the depths of my heart and soul say I don't wish it because I do.  I still to this day have not meet a man that has meant the same to me as he has.  The bond that we share is so special and unlike any other.

At the end of July I will meet Damian face to face for the first time.  I have dreamed of this day for many years.  Lately the dreams have become more frequent.  I am nervous to say the least.  I am extremely excited as well though.  I cannot imagine spending another year or even another month without seeing him face to face and spending some time getting to know the little things that we cannot share across the computer, phone, or through letters.

I am not sure where we are headed or where it might lead but I am happy to say that Damian is still a very intricate part of my life.  I know that we still love each other in our hearts and that the love we share may not someday turn us back to one another but no matter the friendship we share means the world to me.