How To Photograph A New Puppy

  1. Remove film from box and load camera.
  2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
  3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
  4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
  5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
  6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
  7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
  8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
  9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
  10. Get tissue and clean nose prints and lick prints camera lens and glasses.
  11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
  12. Remove puppy from trash, sweep up coffee grounds.
  13. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
  14. Put magazines back on coffee table. Put shredded magazines in trash. Remove puppy from trash. Sweep up coffee grounds.
  15. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
  16. Remove glasses from puppy's mouth. Clean lick prints from glasses and camera lens and check both for damage.
  17. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
  18. Call spouse to clean up mess.
  19. Fix a drink.
  20. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

  21. Jokes
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