Scene 6

 
 
  In one, from the left VASILY appears pushing a wheelbarrow in which MARIANNE is stuffed. VASILY is huffing and puffing; MARIANNE is disheveled and unkempt, her regal dress splattered with mud, her hat askew.
 
MARIANNE
Hurry, can't you? Your back as strong as a pair of sissy horses? Dropping me in the mud! Look at my clothes. Look at my hat. And you were the gypsy who was going to get me to Kielbasa on time!

VASILY

Aw, shut up your face…your majesty.
  (THEY exit stage right. Curtains part and we are in the Kielbasa Ratskeller. Upstage left are doors leading to the street. Downstage left are windows. A CHORUS of weary Kielbasians are scattered about at tables surrounded by a bevy of comely waitresses. The only one who is seeming to have a good time is a burly soldier, GENERAL SHUCKENDORF, who is seated at a table center stage, drinking from a large glass and flirting with THREE of the waitresses. Twin Barons, OTTO and LOTTO SCHLUMPERDINK stand anxiously looking through the windows.)


LOTTO

Any sign of her, Otto?

OTTO

Nary a glimpse, Lotto.

LOTTO

What are we to do Otto? She is an hour late.

OTTO

I don't know, Lotto. What are we to do, General Shuckendorf?
  (SHUCKENDORF leaps from the table, raises his glass and sings so suddenly, OTTO and LOTTO flinch.)
 
SHUCKENDORF
What does a man do
When he has to wait?
What does a man do
When a Princess is late?
What does a man do?
He does what he can do,
He grabs for a lass
And raises his glass!

Malaga!
It gives you thrills,
It gives you chills,
It makes you gaga!

Malaga!
It calms and numbs,
Your tongue becomes
A rutabaga!

When you're surrounded by such sweeties,
A sense of excitation thrives here;
Who gives a tinker's dam for treaties?
Or if her majesty arrives here!

Malaga
Will banish strife
And make your life
A lovely saga!
Don't think, my friends!
Just drink, my friends!
Mal-a-a-a-a-ga!
 

(WAITRESSES have been filling all the glasses, and the MEN have been drinking lustily. Now ALL, except Lotto and Otto, join Shuckendorf and dance while repeating the chorus.)


OTTO

Do you see anything yet, Lotto?

LOTTO

Only some filthy gypsy woman in a wheelbarrow.

OTTO

How disgusting!
    (VASILY, MARIANNE and the wheelbarrow appear at the doorway.)


MARIANNE

Help me out of this stupid contraption!

OTTO

Madame, the Ratskeller is closed today on account of treaty. We are expecting the Princess Maritza of Montavia.

MARIANNE

But I am the Princess Maritza of Montavia.   (The OTHERS all stop what they are doing and stare at the duo. THEY burst into laughter.)


MARIANNE

But I am! My carriage broke down, my horses ran off, and this…gypsy said he would carry me to Kielbasa!

SHUCKENDORF

In a wheelbarrow!

OTTO

This is no time for frivolity, young lady.

LOTTO

The future of two nations is at stake!

MARIANNE

But I tell you, I am the Princess. I'll even say something in Montavian. Mugvort vasten masenacher moonk.

OTTO

Thousands of Montavians speak Montavian.

MARIANNE

But not with a Princessly accent! (to Vasily) Don't just stand there! Tell them who I am!

VASILY

She is the Princess Maritza.

MARIANNE

You see! Now give me the treaty and give me the pen!

SHUCKENDORF

Malaga!
It gives you thrills,
It gives you chills,
It makes you gaga!

(Now ALL sing and surround Marianne and Vasily as THEY drive them from the tavern.)


ALL

Malaga!
It calms and numbs,
Your tongue becomes
A rutabaga!

When you're surround by your sweeties,
A sense of excitation thrives here---

(OTTO and LOTTO hold up their hands and stop the festivities.)


OTTO

Everyone listen! The Princess still has not arrived.

LOTTO

Oh, Otto, what are we to do?

SHUCKENDORF

There is only one thing to do.

OTTO

You mean?…

SHUCKENDORF

Do they think they can treat us like a crate of Polish sausages?   (Cries of "no!" and "You bet they can't!" from the Kielbasians.)
 
LOTTO
Then it is…

SHUCKENDORF & KIELBASIANS

WAR!!!!   (A martial roll of drums. EVERYONE raises his arms and echoes the word "WAR!!!" Orchestra plays "Malaga" now as a rousing military march.)
 
BLACKOUT
 
 
 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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