Wedding Humor!!

    We believe that one of the best things that you can have in a relationship is the ability to have fun, so here is a bit of wedding humor to start things out right.  If you have any wedding/marriage jokes be sure to drop us a line, we would love to hear them. 

The Creation of Woman
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to
God, 'Lord, I have a problem.'
'What's the problem, Adam?', God replies.
'Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me
with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just
not happy'
'Why is that, Adam?', comes the reply from the heavens.
'Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and
all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.'
'Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a
'woman' for you.'
'What's a 'woman', Lord?'
'This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.', replies the heavenly voice.
'Sounds great.'
'She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam.'
'How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?', Adam replies.
'She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your
left testicle.'
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern
on his face. Finally Adam says to God, 'Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?'
The rest, as they say, is history. 

For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes
and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game
is played. 

Here is a guide to the point system. 

Simple Duties:
You make the bed    +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows    0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets   -1

You leave the toilet seat up  -5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty  0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex  -1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom  -2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings  +5
But return with beer  -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night  0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing  0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something  +5
You pummel it with a six iron  +10
It's her father  -10

Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat  with a college drinking buddy  -2
Named Tiffany  -4
Tiffany is a dancer  -6
Tiffany has implants  -8

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner  0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar   +1
Okay, it is a sports bar  -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night  -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your
 favorite team  -10

A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal -5   
And the pal is happily married -4
Or frighteningly single -7
And he drives a Mustang -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called DeathCop 3 -3
Which features cyborgs having sex -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" -800

The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep -20

Getting It Straight:

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and
after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want
and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great
dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll
go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want
with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock
every night -- whether you're here or not."