Column


Truth Or  Dare


"Just The Way You Are"



Here, in this column, I will attempt putting into words MY feelings,
experiences, thoughts, opinions and anything else which comes to mind.
Here I am excercising my democratic right to freedom of speech,
as a female individual of the human race. This is my "private" column,
which YOU are equally free to read or leave at your own convenience.
 Should you wish to comment, you can write to: efbergakker27@yahoo.com
or sign the special guestbook below attached for just that reason:)

Taboos
There are still many taboos in our society. Some examples being: - a woman being platonic friends with a man. It is often seen as unnatural or unattainable. It is my lucky experience to know two men for many years now with whom I can share confindances without there ever having been a whisper between us of getting involved sexually in any way, shape or form. These are men who respect a woman for who she is as a person, not see her as a lust object or something to be had. My husband knows both men and feels absolutely no threat or jealousy towards them. Both men are welcome in our home with or without their wives, with or without my husband being home during their visits. Both have the trust of their wives, as do I. So you see, it IS possible! And NOT taboo. - asking someone about their illness, when it's mental. This to me seems so stupid. Often talking openly about what ails you can help ease some of the fear and strain of cropping it all up. Why can't we just ask straight out: "What exactly is the matter with you?" And go on from there.. When I was ill, the friends I had known for years grew thin and far apart. It was as if being ill mentally made me an outcast like someone with lepracy. Folks just don't know what to say. They are literally struck dumb. Instead they go to extreme lengths not to enquire after your health and make up excuses not to come visit you. Just when a person needs the comfort of a listening ear, it is refused them out of some kind of unwritten taboo. I call it ignorance and cowardice. Yet I've also come to understand that what one has no experience with is often hard to understand or be understanding about. That lesson learned, I felt the hurt and feelings of being betrayed and deserted fall off of me. Still, if anything I learned also that it is of great importance to tell a friend that you do not understand what he/she is going through instead of pretending that you do and then letting them down by not showing up when they count on your support. Being honest is so much better to handle. Often the person who is ill or disposed, can explain to you, and will want to explain to you, just what it is that he/she is going through. Just listening is the best gift you can give to your friend. Being a friend is being there. Not necessarily HAVING the solution. Especially when it concerns a mental- or nervous breakdown. When a person breaks an arm it is ooohed and accepted, when a person temporarily "looses it" it is seen as failing or being incomplete in an unacceptable fashion. This is the taboo. - a woman getting a divorce when she has children. Unbelieveable but true. She is an outcast at parties within the family, within her circle of friends (atleast those who have husbands or boyfriends), at her children's school, in church, in general. How could she do this to her children?! Never mind how unhappy or intolerable the situation at home was, it's just not done! Should it be the other way around (the man leaving the woman), hardly a person bats an eyelid. Engraciating yourself with "such a woman" is definitely a taboo. I know. I lived it. So much uncalled for pain and suffering could be avoided if people would just open up their minds and air out some of these horrible taboos. - young folks associating with elderly citizens. I mean, how "uncool" can you be?! When in fact there is so much a young person can learn just by listening to the life's experiences or hanging around elderly people. And such joy can be bestowed on and felt by old folks being surrounded or visited by young folk, listening in turn to their problems and way of life nowadays. Another very silly taboo! Feel like reacting to any of the "taboos" listed here, or writing me some of the ones you have encountered yourself, please write me!
I've moved my column to another geocities site where I again have 11 MB space with which to fill with my "zieleroerselen" or Stirrings. This link will bring you there in a flash! You won't be disappointed:) See you there!! "Autumn-Ellen"

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