Have you ever reached a point in your life when you know you can't carry on? 
By this I mean not want to carry on living! I have but God said to me, "No." 
This has happened to me a twice in my life and both times God stepped in.

I remember we used to take a short cut to in order to get home from Carmarthen. 
Along the road, there was a steep drop-off to the left. 

Once, after suffering physical and mental abuse and also having all my money stolen 
by a trusted friend, I began to think, "I've had it, I just can't take anymore; living is
just not  worth it. " 

I drove my car to that road with the steep cliff and placed it right on the brink, 
knowing all I had to do was let the handbrake off. I'd even left a note for my girls, 
asking them to forgive me.

As I sat there I prayed, and as I was about to make the final move for the brake God 
spoke to me: me -- the person who was running out on him. There I was telling God that 
I couldn't do this anymore and He was telling me, "You are my child, I have work for you 
to do". I could not believe what I was hearing. "There must be some mistake," I thought.
I was unworthy of God's Love. How could I help God when I was in no fit state to help 
myself?

In the end I drove the car back home (how I did it, to this day I do not know). My girls 
hadn't  found my note and I thanked God for that. I realized then that running away 
would not solve anything. But I still wondered what God wanted me to do.

The answer came as He began to use me through testimony to reach others suffering 
abuse. He taught me to council them.  This was not me;  I was not capable of this. This 
was definitely God at work in their lives through me.   My main objective was to teach 
others about  forgiveness and that they were of value in His eyes. I know that no matter 
how much I had to suffer in life, it wasn't half as much as God suffered for me.
 
 
 

The second event was more recent.  After again suffering physical abuse, I sat in my 
room with a bottle of tablets in my hand.  Again, God told me, "No! I still have work 
for you to do."

No one said that being a Christian was an easy option. It doesn't give us an easy ride. 
We still have to continue with our daily lives but it does give us something special. 
It gives us the love of a wonderful Father. It gives us the knowledge that if we pour out 
all our cares on Him, just as He asks us to, He will carry us through.

I have recently had to make big decisions in my life but I have done them in the 
knowledge that I have talked them over with God. I know that whatever happens I am 
in His hands. All I have to do is trust Him and take Him at His word. He will see 
me through.

When I think of all the young people today suffering in some way, those who have died 
through drug abuse, others believing that no one cares for them, I long to reach out my 
hand to them and tell them God cares. God is using me in His way. 
 
 

I help out at an addiction center  when needed and they only have to pick up the
phone and I am there, with God's help. I have also done some work with the Samaritans. 
Believe me, God gives me the strength to do this. Through my personal experience and 
His love, He guides me daily.

Now I say, "Thank You God. Thank you for loving me enough to want to use me as 
you see fit." I will never again feel unworthy, because I know, I face each day with 
the power of God in my life.
 
 
 

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him 
in every way. Bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all Power, according to His glorious might. Colossians (I: 10-11)
 
 

© Gwen Hopkins
1st May, 1999
 
 

Song is "Bridge Over Troubled Water" 
Availabke from:  Daily Reflections Holiday Midis 

Song is Everything I do, I do It for You Artist:Bryan Adams,
for entertainment only, not for sale or reproduction