Where's that Golden Mean?
How does someone strike it?
Where's that in-between
For people like us who eat fats and like it?

Where's that calm degree
And those quiet stages
For those guys like me
Who would have had horns back in ancient ages?

I can refrain from lust,
Avoid and abstain from lust---
But let me assert
That one kiss can't hurt,
Then I go completely insane from lust!

Why am I eighty today
And tomorrow seventeen?
Where, oh where, oh where, oh where,
Where's that Golden Mean?
 

Female
I almost became a Hindu once
Like some people who have sinned do once,
But as a Yogi, I just didn't rate,
I had too much self to self-abnegate.

Where's that Golden Mean
After love commences?
Where's that placid scene
For sensible souls who enjoy their senses?

Where are all the facts?
Which sage had the answer?
Why smoke two whole packs
And then read reports about lungs and cancer?

I can refuse desserts.
I dine and don't choose desserts.
But somehow I soon
Take one Lorna Doone
And all of a sudden I ooze desserts.

Why is it yogurt for lunch
And then later on caffeine?
Where, oh where, oh where, oh where,
Where's that Golden Mean?

Together
Where's that peace of mind?
Why must life begrudge it?
Why are we inclined
To order filet on a knockwurst budget?

Where are Golden Means
When salesmen start in selling?
Why play slot machines
And then have to move to a cheaper dwelling?

Though we adore the track,
We can ignore the track,
But let someone slip
A hot little tip,
And then we start living just for the track.

Why is it Easter at noon
And at nightfall Halloween?
Where, oh where, oh where, oh where,
Where's that Golden Mean?