Pumpernickel Bread
The table is set
And the casserole is baking,
Just started to get
The salad I'm making
When all of a sudden---bang!
The telephone rang.He can't come tonight,
He can't come tonight---
Yes, that's what the bastard just said;
He won't come tonight,
He won't come tonight,
And I even bought him pumpernickel bread.He can't come tonight,
He can't come tonight---
OK, so he just won't get fed;
I wouldn't care so much,
I wouldn't care so much
If it wasn't for that pumpernickel bread.I don't like pumpernickel bread, you know---
I only eat white or rye;
I went and wasted all that dough,
Now it'll just get stale and dry.He can't come tonight,
He can't come tonight,
So I'll eat his portion instead;
I'll eat the casserole,
I'll eat the salad, too---
But who's gonna eat the pumpernickel bread?II
He can't come tonight,
He can't come tonight---
Goddamnit, have I been misled!
I shoulda bought him buns
Or even kaiser rolls--
But he said he wanted pumpernickel bread.All men are that way,
They all are that way---
They don't give a fuck till you're dead;
You go and clean for them,
You go and cook for them---
And you even buy them pumpernickel bread.You buy them pumpernickel bread, and they
Don't care which kind you like most;
It's hard to cut, and, by the way,
It won't even make good French toast.Guess I'll stay at home,
I'm gonna stay home---
I'll eat and then hop into bed;
And when I say my prayers,
I'm gonna say my prayers
And pray that he chokes on pumpernickel bread.