Back to the Dream Page
Chapter 3
I sighed and stood up to dump my soggy cereal into the trash. I wasn't hungry and I knew I wasn't going to be very much into doing anything until I'd sorted everything through in my head. So I left that tiny kitchen and moved out into the living room, turning on the stereo on my way and putting some music on low. I sat in my favorite, overstuffed chair and tried as best I could to clear my mind for the moment and relax. It took a long time in coming but I eventually was able to settle down.
I took in my surroundings. The apartment was small and cozy, just the way I liked it. The living room itself was full of little things I'd picked up or found during my lifetime. Scattered around were shelves filled with books I enjoyed reading now and then, collectibles from friends, mementos from vacations in the past, several pictures with my family and friends… I noticed that the place could have also used some dusting. A few magazines and newspapers were scattered around, but that was the extent of the mess. What could I say? It was a pretty normal apartment.
I let my eyes roam, calling up favorite memories linked to each piece in the room and found my gaze settling on one small picture frame that was sitting off to one side of a table by itself. It was the only visible reminder of Kris in the room, or in the entire apartment for that matter. I'd long since boxed away the photographs and the keepsakes. It'd just been too painful living with all those reminders around. However, I hadn't been able to part with this picture.
Without realizing it, I'd stood up and taken that picture in my hands. I remembered how torn I'd been on whether or not I should pack that picture with everything else. In the end, I hadn't. I couldn't bear the thought of doing it. So as it was, that one picture of her had remained.
I took the framed photograph with me and sat back down. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as I recalled how she hated taking pictures. She didn't think she was worth using up film over and I'd tried my best to get her to see otherwise. She said that she was too short or that she was too pale or too thin. She didn't like her face or her hair or how she looked. She said that she was too plain, too ordinary. But that hadn't mattered to me. Sure, she was pretty in her own special way but it was her personality that I came to know and grew to love… In my mind, that was what made her beautiful in my eyes.
That day, I'd convinced her to go out with me. She'd been a little low in spirits and I thought a lovely day in the park would help her some. Sure, she'd just gotten back from one of her numerous trips and she was tired, but I knew she wasn't happy. So we went to the park and walked around a bit, talking. Then I don't know how it started, but I guess I'd asked her if I could take some pictures. It was a running joke between us, considering how she hated taking pictures but that day, she'd given me little trouble. I'd known she was upset when she'd come back from her vacation but I had no idea why. I knew she'd talk to me about it when she was ready. She looked a little tired that day, when I looked back on it, but again, it was rare when I could get her to take a picture. So for a moment, or rather a few moments, I was able to get her to temporarily forget her troubles and relax enough to take that photo. We'd ended up by a lake and she went to the water's edge to pose.
And here's the result, I thought to myself. For this brief moment in time, she'd let go of everything and flashed her brightest smile. Her eyes teased me with the amount of joy in them.
I felt a stab in my chest when I realized again that I'd no longer be comforted by that smile.
And just as I'd thought that, I felt a calm, soothing emotion wash over me. Don't fret, I thought I heard voices say to me. It'll be all right in the end.
"Yeah," I replied back in my mind. "Whenever that will be. I don't even know what I'm doing! I'm getting the feeling that I'm in way over my head and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. Kris, what did you do to me?"
A reserved feeling passed through me, as if whoever or whatever was affecting my thoughts didn't want me anymore upset than I already was. I sighed and sat back, closing my eyes and willing myself to submit to this strange thing. I felt my mind gently being taken over again and saw myself traveling back through previous generations of 'Quinn's' until we were at the beginning… Right as things had started to change in the world… Right when there came a need for Quinn in the first place. If there was a time when no pain and sorrow existed, there's always the possibility that that time can be a reality once more. It's your job now to help everyone else realize this, and your responsibility to help make this dream come true.
A quieter voice added after the echoing voices had finished and I recognized it as Kris's attempting to make me feel better. You're not alone.
I "watched" entire communities working together in contentment. There were times when children could play with abandon. The adolescents learned about their special skills and did their best to help out in the community. Adults continued working but also now learned more about certain traditions and rituals by the Elders. And the Elders watched over the entire community, lending their wisdom. They were the ones who knew of the Powers and of Balance and its Energy. They were the ones to make sure that all Life was respected and cared for.
Walk with me, she repeated and I moved ahead in history. I watched as greed become second nature for everyone. With the greed came power struggles, cheating, lies, misunderstanding… People were hurt physically through abuse and mentally through hardship and heartache. I witnessed battles where Innocent lives were wasted in the killing…
And there was bitterness…
And hatred.
And it made me angry. I'd always despised this dark side of mankind. I'd done my best in life in trying to not let that evil win me over, but I'd been at such a loss as to what else I could have done. Now though, I was forced to do something about it. My new position gave me the chance to leave my impression on the world and do what little I could do to make it right again.
I opened my eyes again and stared down at Kristin's picture. "I know I'm not alone Kris, but what can I do?"