Rules For Men From Women

  1. Call.
  2. Don't lie.
  3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
  4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
  5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
  6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
  7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
  8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
  9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
  10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lardass," and "Bitch" are bad.
  11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
  12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
  13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
  14. Her cooking is excellent.
  15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
  16. Dish soap is your friend.
  17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
  18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
  19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
  20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
  21. Two words: clean socks.
  22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.
  23. Burping is not sexy.
  24. You're wrong.
  25. You're sorry.
  26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
  27. Ditto for your discourse on football.
  28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
  29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
  30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
  31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
  32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
  33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
  34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
  35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
  36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a jerk until she does it for you.
  37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
  38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
  39. Always, always suck up to her brother.
  40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.
  41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.
  42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
  43. Her haircut is never bad.
  44. Don't let your friends pick on her.
  45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

The top 51 worst pick up lines

  1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
  2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
  3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
  4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
  5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
  6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
  7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
  8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going....
  9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
  10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
  11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
  12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to "tinker" around with.
  13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb.
  14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
  15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
  16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
  17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
  18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.
  19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
  20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
  21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
  22. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
    Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
    Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"
  23. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.
  24. I look good on you.
  25. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
  26. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?
  27. You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
  28. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
  29. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
  30. Excuse me, do you wanna fuck, or should I apologize.
  31. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
  32. Do you want to dance, No? Well I guess a fuck is out of the question.
  33. Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
  34. I lost my bed, can I borrow yours?
  35. You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
  36. My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, mead till hard, and serve hot.
  37. Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
  38. You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
  39. Hey baby, I'm like American Express, you don't want to leave home without me.
  40. Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
  41. The word for the night is legs, legs go back to my room and spread the word.
  42. Hey baby, what's your name? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?
  43. Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long.
  44. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap room.
  45. Was you dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.
  46. Want to play conductor?? You be the engineer and I'll go Choo choo.
  47. You must be Jelly, cause jam don't shake like that.
  48. The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
  49. Guy: "haven't I seen you someplace before?"
    Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore"
  50. Hi, my name is Skippy, like the peanut butter I stick to the roof of your mouth.
  51. Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?

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Created: 23/08/98 Updated: 24/08/98
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