Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer
I was taken by a photograph of you
There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more
But they didn't show your spirit quite as true
You were turning 'round to see who was behind you
And I took your childish laughter by surprise
And at the moment that my camera happened to find you
There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes (1)
"I get it !"
Letting go of Brad's hand, Kevin lurched towards the stairs and the young woman who
was trying - unsuccessfully - to unlock the front door of the apartment building while at the same
time retain her grip on the two boxes she was carrying.
"Here."
"Thanks..." the woman - in her late-twenties, Brad judged - started to answer gratefully,
turning to look at her rescuer. At the sight of the big figure quickly approaching her from the
direction of the sidewalk, though, her smile faltered slightly, causing her to nearly lose her grip
on the boxes.
"Kev !" Brad called out after his overly-enthusiastic younger brother as he caught the
look of uncertainty on the woman's face. "Be careful..."
As Brad reached the bottom of the stairs and Kevin reached the top, the woman's fingers
finally lost their hold. With a thud, the two cardboard boxes fell heavily to the ground, the
smaller one spilling its contents on the stairs as its top flaps came open.
Looking at her belongings - a mixture of cherry red, pine green and rose pink candles; a
small heart-shaped pillow; two bars of decorative soap and other assorted bathroom trinkets -
spread out for everyone to see, the woman could only shake her head and softly curse.
"Damn !"
"Sor-ry," Kevin apologized profusely as he fell to his knees and began to pick the
candles up from the stairs; the hitching in his voice revealed that he was near to tears. "I didn't
mean to..."
"That's alright." Crouching down next to him, she placed one hand comfortingly on his
shoulder as she, too, began to pick up her things and place them back in the open box. "It was
an accident."
"It's 'kay ?"
"Yeah," she smiled, "it's 'kay."
"Tha's good !" Turning back to his task with a smile of relief, he continued to collect
her things from where they had landed.
"I'd like to apologize for my brother. He didn't mean to scare you."
The last of her things either back in the box or in Kevin's hands, the woman stood back
up and met Brad's gaze as she wiped a loose strand of her dirty-blonde hair from where it had
fallen over her eyes.
"There's nothing to apologize for," she assured him with a pleasant smile. "He didn't
scare me, he just startled me. Besides, I probably would have dropped them anyway. That
seems to be the way my luck goes."
"Well, ah... here."
"Thanks." Reaching out, she took back the heart-shaped pillow he offered - "Love in all
things" embroidered on one side - and dusted loose the few pieces of dirt it had attracted in its
fall. "It used to be my mother's..."
"Tha's everything !" Kevin unintentionally cut her off as he rose to his feet, the two
boxes held tightly in his arms.
"That was very helpful, ah, Kev, isn't it ?"
"Yes, Miss" shyly - it wasn't often that a woman as pretty as her spoke to him so kindly
and by name - Kevin bowed his head so he could study his feet.
"Well, thank you very much for your help. And please, call me Staci."
"Staci. Tha's a pretty name..." as he spoke, an embarrassed blush entered his cheeks.
"And you would be..."
"Brad. Murphy." A faint blush of embarrassment had also risen in Brad's cheeks,
though not at being addressed by Staci. "Here, we'll help you."
"Thanks." she replied as Brad moved passed her and unlocked the front door with his
own key; holding the door open, he motioned for Kevin - his head still down and the boxes
hugged tight to his chest - and Staci to enter. "What floor are you on ?"
"Ah, the fifth. 503."
"We're almost going to be neighbours, then - I'm in 507."
"Nay-bours !" Kevin exclaimed, the first syllable sounding not unlike a child's imitation
of a horse. "Nay-bours !"
At the sound of his braying, and the childish laughter which followed, Staci momentarily
raised one hand to cover her mouth to hold back her own giggle. But then she changed her
mind and removed the hand, allowing her own laughter to join with Kevin's.
The faint memory of their laughter continued to echo in Brad's ears - momentarily
drowning out the sounds of the street which drifted in through the open window - as he placed
the small heart-shaped pillow back down on the shelf beside the VCR.
Turning from the memory, he let his eyes scan the rest of the tiny apartment, taking in
the posters on the walls, the couch where the three of them - Staci, Kevin and himself - had often
sat and watched tv, the fluted vase sitting on the single end-table, the single rose it held drooping
forgotten over the rim...
With all of her things to be packed, there was so much to do. Yet every object, every
trinket, his eyes fell on caused his thoughts to wander.
Taking a second to collect his thoughts - and to prepare himself for the memories he
knew would come - he moved over to the bedroom and, with one trembling hand, gently pushed
the door fully open
Every night when I hear you I dream of breaking down your door
An avenging knight in shining armour, to rescue you from it all.(2)
The soft knock on the apartment door startled Brad, coming as it did so late at night.
Glancing up at the clock on the VCR - 1:04 am - he placed his book down on the arm of the
chair and rose to his feet; through the window beyond the VCR he could see that the snow
which had been threatening all week had finally started to fall.
Kevin'll be thrilled.
Even though he nearly ran in an effort to reach it before there came a second, louder
knock, one which would probably wake his younger brother, there was no one there when he
swung the apartment door open. Sticking his head out into the hallway, though, he quickly saw
the back of a familiar figure moving away.
"Staci ?"
At the sound of her name, she stopped where she was and turned to face him.
"What's wrong ?"
"It's nothing," she whispered back at him with a shake of her head and a warm smile,
both barely discernable in the dim light of the hallway. "I couldn't sleep. That's all... I didn't
mean to wake you."
"You didn't; I was just reading." An awkward silence descended on the corridor - Staci
obviously had something on her mind, something which had caused her to knock on Brad's door
at one in the morning, yet Brad did not want to push her to speak. After a moment, he finally
forced himself to make the first move. "Did you want to come in for a cup of coffee ?"
"It's late..." she started to decline, but he quickly cut her off.
"I insist."
She hesitated, but then nodded her head ever so slightly and began to move back in the
direction of Brad's apartment, averting her face ever-so-slightly as she made her way passed
him.
"I see you've got your decorations up," she commented softly as they made their way
into the front room, still keeping her face turned away from Brad. "They look good."
"Thanks," Brad answered as he moved into the kitchen to turn the kettle on. "Kev and I
did it this afternoon. We're going out tomorrow to pick out a tree."
While he waited for the water to boil, he pulled a mug from the cupboard and, since all
of the others were dirty, proceeded to quickly wash a second. Satisfied that it was clean enough,
he retrieved the milk and instant coffee from the fridge and set them on the counter, then, feeling
the need to give Staci a few more minutes to herself, he leaned against the counter to wait.
When he returned to the front room, a mug of coffee in each hand, he found that Staci
had turned off his reading light, leaving only the streetlight outside and the Christmas lights
framing one of the windows - the second string had been burnt out - to light the room.
"Here," he said as he moved over to where she stood looking down at the Christmas
scene he and Kevin had set up on one of the bookshelves: a dozen tiny houses on a stretch of
cotton-batting snow with an oversized Santa steering his sleigh and six reindeer - Cupid and
Vixen had somehow gone missing between last year and this - through the narrow pathway
between them. "Just a touch of milk and sugar, the way you like it."
"Thanks."
With trembling hands - It's not that cold in here, Brad thought - Staci reached out and
took the mug Brad offered. When he let go, though, it was like her hands could not maintain
their grip, and the coffee fell to the floor.
"Shit !" Staci cried out as she fell to her knees to pick up the mug, while at the same
time Brad set his own mug down on the coffee table and moved quickly back to the kitchen to
grab a wet cloth.
Returning to the front room - cloth in hand - Brad stopped suddenly at the sight of Staci
curled up on the floor, the broken pieces of the mug held tightly in her hands and tears rolling
down her cheeks.
"Staci ?"
The dampness of the spilt coffee soaked unheeded into the knees of his pants as he rushed
to kneel at her side. The cloth he carried forgotten, he reached out and, with his free hand,
gently took hold of her chin, turning her head so that she fully faced him.
"What is it ?"
This close to her, he could easily see what she had been trying to hide, even with just the
aid of the Christmas lights.
"What's happened ?"
The entire area around her right eye was horribly swollen, and already beginning to turn
dark blue.
"Who did this ?" he cried with uncharacteristic rage as he rose to his feet and turned on
the overhead light so he could see her better. If anything, the added light made her face all the
more horrible, allowing the darkness to stand out in sharp contrast to the paleness of her skin.
"Staci ? Who did this to you ?" he demanded again when she did not answer. "Staci ?"
At the suddenness of the light, she had turned her head away; and once more, Brad had
to reach out and make her look at him. Or tried, rather; she kept her eyes firmly fixed to the
side.
"Staci ?"
"Sssshh." she finally broke her silence. "You'll wake Kevin."
"Will you tell me what happened ?" he went on in a softer voice. "Please ?"
But she had lapsed back into her silence, keeping her eyes to the side, even though Brad
still held her face forward. Just as Brad again opened his mouth to speak, she turned her gaze
fully on him, a pleading look in both her eyes and her voice.
"Please... I can't... Don't make me..."
For a moment, they stared into each other's eyes - hazel into blue - exchanging in that
one brief look more than mere words could ever hope to convey.
Then he reached out and gently enfolded her in his arms, pulling her close to his chest as
the tears and sobs started once more.
"Brad ? Are you okay ?"
The image of Staci in his arms as they huddled beside the couch, tears running forlornly
down her face, vanished at the unexpected sound of Chris' voice, almost at his shoulder.
"Yeah..." he whispered. But he didn't move to face her until first raising both hands and
wiping away the tears which were running down his face.
When he did start to turn, though, his eyes once more fell on the bed and
he stretched forth his hand to lift her dirty blonde head from where it lay limply on the
pillow, completely unaware as he brushed heavily against one pale leg, the dark black stocking
rolled down awkwardly to just below the knee. Cradling her cheek against his chest, he began to
cry out softly in despair.
the memories again came,
"Oh Jesus ! No..."
Her graceful hand slipped from his grasp as he attempted to lift it with his own free
hand, falling loosely back to rest against her nearly colourless skin. Oblivious to the barely
noticeable coolness of her bare midriff, he quickly took hold of her hand once more, entwining
his fingers desperately with hers and bringing the two to rest roughly against his own cheek.
images he desperately wished to forget
"This can't be right... It can't be..."
Her flaxen hair - at one time tied back in a loose ponytail, but now in disarray -
cascaded silkenly over his fingers as he lifted her head away from his chest and looked down at
her seraphic features. Still holding tightly onto her hand, he began to shake her, gently at first,
but with more urgency as her eyelids remained closed.
flashing through his mind.
"Come on, Goddamn it ! Wake up ! This isn't funny !"
A dolorous cry burst from his dry throat as his eyes caught sight of the fading bruise
around her slim neck.
"I'm fine."
The concern in Chris' eyes, though, told him that, despite his assurance, she did not
believe him.
"Really. I am. It's hard, that's all..."
Lowering his eyes to the floor - the pain in Chris' own was too much for him to bear;
pain at his pain - he moved gently past her and into the front room, where he quickly lowered
himself to the couch as he felt his legs begin to give out under him as the realization of Staci's
passing struck him fully.
As he covered his face with his hands, Chris took one step towards him, but then forced
herself not to move any closer.
"It's not fair !" he suddenly cried out, uncovering his face and looking up at Chris; the
tears he had tried to hide from her earlier now running freely down his cheeks. "It's not right !
All she really wanted to do was teach. She was just doing... that... so that she could save up
enough money to move away and start over. To go to college... Is that so bad ?"
"No," Chris agreed, but he did not even hear her as he went on.
"I mean, it wasn't like she was going to spend the rest of her life... fucking !... for money.
It was just for a little while. A few more months - at the most - she had said just last week... just
last week..."
He stopped as he realized just how little time had really passed since last he had talked to
Staci, his eyes locked on Chris but his gaze lost in the memories.
"...when was the last time you went out with a girl ? Just the two of you ? You know, on
a date ? Here."
He didn't answer as he moved closer to her, bending forward slightly so that she could
place the tie over his head.
"Well ?"
When she lifted his chin with her hand, he had no choice but to look into her eyes - she
had put her face only inches from his own.
"I've never..." he started, but faltered.
Understanding his hesitancy at last, Staci smiled warmly and nodded, the tender warmth
filling her voice as she softly whispered: "You'll do fine."
"Now she's gone..." slowly, he lowered his gaze to the floor, just as the sobs began."...
gone..."
Realizing that the time was now right - his rage had run its course - Chris moved over to
the couch and lowered herself beside him, taking his head in her hands and positioning it so that
it rested against her breast.
"It's okay," she softly comforted him as his anguished sobs wracked both of their bodies.
"...not fair..."
"Sssshh, don't think about that. Think about the good times. Forget the bad. Right now,
just remember the good. I'm sure that's what Staci would prefer - the good. there'll be time
enough later for the other..."
Whether he heard her or not, she couldn't tell, but the sobbing gradually began to
subside.
"Everything will be alright." she whispered comfortingly into his hair.
And he knew - somehow, through the tears - that it would...
