Parents give their children a mixed legacy of information, confusion and silence on the subject of sex. A part of the problem is the cyclical embarrassment to bring up the forbidden subject to children. Other factors include mistakes the parents would rather not mention and their own ambiguous feelings about sex.

Regardless of our own parent's silence on the subject, we need to own the responsibility of our generation to teach our children correct principles, so they will be in a position of capable self-government.

The problem is if we don't teach our children, who will? The media world eagerly invades our living rooms, airwaves and theaters with its messages about sex, devouring young minds with an "anything goes" viewpoint.

In the mean time, what message does our silence convey? If we never mention the subject, our embarrassment says that sex is something unmentionably lewd. Our failure to address the topic confirms the media portrayal that sex as a covert activity. Consenting adults are free to pursue their activities as long as no one finds out. Or behavior is completely ungoverned by principle, as rampantly typified by sit-com promiscuity. If our children get their education from the TV, sex is removed from the holy context of marriage, and is distorted into selfishness, indulgence and obscenity.

Our tight-lipped reticence sends the message that morality doesn't matter. If it did, parents would combat the media clutter with strong, clear messages of chastity and purity entering the sacred marriage covenant.

What should we be teaching?

A part of our inherent falsehood is the belief equating sex with sin. In holy marriage, intimacy is proper, ennobling and edifying. All aspects of nurturing comprise a complete marriage context, of which intimacy is one part. A whole view of fidelity is pure--undistorted by perversions. "What God hath joined, let not man put asunder." All of our nurturing in marriage, as Paul suggested, needs to be given with due benevolence.

Marriage is a holy covenant to honor and cherish one another with an eternal commitment of fidelity, love and trust. It is a complete giving of one's self to his or her spouse. It isn't possible to give complete offering of fidelity in marriage without chastity and purity beforehand and afterward. Our children need to know that their attitudes about morality are as much a part of their marriage as their future wedding vows.

Fidelity is an attitude of the heart. It is the conviction to one's spouse, "I am wholly and completely for you, as we two are for God." There is no room in the marriage covenant for wandering eyes or extramarital desires. We should avoid affairs in every form and appearance. Our spouse should be our primary preoccupation. We should not allow anything to distract us from nurturing our marriage, not friendships, family, obsessions, hobbies or any other interests.

A gauge of our fidelity is the amount of time spent nurturing the marriage and the relationship. How much of your day, week and year do we spend together with our loved one? How does that compare to the time spent doing other things? Have you ever considered that large amounts of time spent in any area other might be an affair?

We don't need to become fanatics. But consider that there are only two things that we'll be able to bring home with us when we leave the world. Individually, we will retain our knowledge and experience. And together we may join with our loved ones. Aside from learning and marriage, all of the time we spend on any other interest is either recreational, utilitarian or useless.

Fidelity is a lot more than abstaining from outside preoccupations. It is being there for each other in a giving way. A part of fidelity is the acknowledgment, in actions more than words, "Your needs and interests are important to me. I care for you more than myself, anyone or anything else." When two people completely commit their love to each other, inviting God into their union, that's what forever love is about.

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