Much of our failure to find love lies in false concepts of what love is about. Many people confuse an object of their affection with love. Once they find that one-and-only person who they believe is meant for them alone, then they will be in love forever. The only thing wrong with this notion is that it doesn't happen that way.

Why do so many people fall in and out of love, like the turning of the seasons, instead of finding enduring joy and happiness in love? If it were a matter of just finding the right person, love would be no more than a high-stakes gamble of chance, the coincidence of lucky hearts coming together. Although this is a rare possibility, the chance of it happening to anyone is less than 1 in a 1,000. Expecting to find a one-and-only leads to the misconception that relationships are disposable, and any flaw could disqualify the candidate for love.

And yet, so many people are bound to the idea of a one-and-only that they can not imagine that their false ideas of love are the very obstacles standing in the way of finding fulfilling, loving relationships. This self-limiting idea of "finding" love is so far from the concept of true love, it's like comparing a sweet to a feast. Love, in all actuality, is so much more.

To understand love, think of it as an active verb, instead of a noun. Yes, we find love listed in the dictionary as a noun, but to grasp the active role of love will better help us to put love in its proper place in our life.

Love is active, not passive. Rather than find love, we need to learn to love as God does. In doing so, our capacity to love will increase. "If we love one another," the disciple John promises, "God dwells in us, and His love is perfected in us."

God's love is pure. He gives it freely and unconditionally, whether or not we reciprocate. God is love. That means God's divine capacity for love is central to His being.

The love of God is defined in scripture as charity. It goes beyond affection, external acts and expressions. It is pure love, ennobling the giver and receiver, lifting them both to higher levels. Charity is the source of our best desires, concerns and actions for another: to aid their spiritual development. It's the divine capacity to take another in as a part of ourselves, by placing their needs foremost. If we desire lasting love in our relationships, we must be able to love as God loves.

This is what is meant by charity. It isn't premeditated, nor is it self-aggrandizing, seeking glory, recognition or praise. The possessor of charity gives of himself so automatically, that he is unaware of the process. The left hand doesn't notice the deeds of the right. This is just one of the fundamental principles that distinguishes pure love from the popular concept of self-centered love represented in the media.

Charity, in the real meaning of the word, is the pure, transcendent love of God. It is manifest as we allow God into our hearts. In doing God's work of love, we transcend our mortal limitations. We literally perform the work of angels among men.

Charity endures all things. This is another fundamental truth. Forever Love is enduring. It never fails. When we possess pure love, it does not dim in dark days, diminish with years, nor cloud depending on conditions. Pure love is constant. Some of the characteristics related to Charity are faithfulness, devotion, trustworthiness and reliability. These are clearly some of the essential attributes vital to building forever love. The only way to true lasting love is charity.

What does this mean for us?

To truly love is to accept another as they are--to know a person deeply, with genuine concern for their welfare, without feeling the need to change him or her. It means giving of yourself out of the desire to bless another, not hoping for reciprocation. When we truly love, we don't merely tolerate someone else's differences, we celebrate them. We take the other fully into our heart and create a sacred shrine for him or her there, paying the due honor and respect of royalty. We treat others as they really are, as spirit offspring of our common Father in Heaven.

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