Whose responsibility is it to make me happy? God's? My wife's? Or my children's? You already know the answer.

The person who expects others to make him happy sets himself up for life-long misery. On the other hand, one who spends his or her life spreading joy, receives it in abundance.

Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they set their minds to be." This is such an obvious truth that in its simplicity, it is often overlooked.

A common myth is, "I will be fulfilled once I have lasting love in my life"--not that there is anything wrong with finding love and nurturing it afterwards. The problem is the idea that someone or something else holds control over my well being.

Romance worships an object of one's affection. I use that word carefully--worship. Any time we place another individual in a position of dependence, we DISplace the One on whom we should rely. We should not assign the role of savior to any mortal--only to Christ.

The blindness of infatuation illuminates lovers in near-perfect light. In shortsighted adoration, they rush into commitments neither is capable of keeping. Sooner or later, they begin to see the faults they had overlooked in haste. Rather than recognize the imperfections as part of the package they both committed to accept, each feels betrayed. "He misrepresented himself." "She wasn't the person I thought she was."

Lasting love is built on a foundation of maturity, respect, familiarity and acceptance of one another as real people. Infatuation has its place, downplaying individuals' weaknesses long enough for their strengths to shine out. But infatuation must give room for love to grow deep roots.

It really is best if couples take all the time they need to get to know each other, before making binding covenants. Proper relations will not necessitate rushing into commitment. Time is needed to understand and adjust to differences, as well as recognize any potential problems.

Each individual should bring his and her best into the relationship. Joy is an internal state of well being. It isn't circumstantial or dependent on others. Ralph Waldo Emerson sums up his essay on self-reliance with these words, "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles."

Happiness is the reason for our existence now and in the ensuing eternities. It comes through principles of a love-filled life. Joy is the fullness of the living moment, as well as the eventual reward for a life well lived.
 
 

Go to Learning Love and Life Home Page

Join Love Newsletter!