We can try our best.

We can read all the books and learn the techniques to successfully navigate the unfathomable tides and currents of our relationships. Will we ever come close?

We can train our sensitivities to recognize when our loved one is hurt or upset, and we can respond with perfect compassion...sometimes, if we're lucky.

We might surmount our natural selfishness, to let the needs of our loved one figure predominantly in our thoughts and caring gestures...when we're at our best.

We can even expand our love to all of our circles of relations in proper proportions to God, self, spouse, children and family, friends and associates, and to society...if we can get our priorities straight.

We might achieve the right motivations, say fitting words, respond with gentleness and patience, and listen with our hearts to what our loved one is telling us...and occasionally even do it well.

Or if you're like me, you can try to do all the right things, and realize that your very best efforts come short of the ideal.

That's where God comes in, and that's what grace is all about.

No matter how hard we try, we're merely human. We occasionally lapse into insensitive and uncaring actions. Selfishness, anger and fear may inhibit our ability to love. In fact, no one living on the earth loves perfectly all the time. Distractions and concerns occupy our thoughts and schedules.

There are a few reasons people don't love as well as they could. We can make a comparison with bad drivers to gain some insight. When you encounter a bad driver on the road your first thought is that he intentionally cuts you off or selfishly imperils others with reckless abandon. This may occasionally be true, but what about you and me? When we drive badly--and don't we on occasion?--is it out of rudeness and blatant disregard for others? Probably not.

Lousy driving is probably due to thoughtlessness. Careless drivers may not be attentive to all of the circumstances outside of their own vehicle.

Our bad driving may be due to distractions or lack of focus. Something may be on our mind, or we may simply be looking in another direction at the wrong moment. Does that mean our license should be revoked? Or does it mean we need to pay better attention?

It's the same with love. Selfish actions are at the root of virtually every uncaring interaction. If we lapse and yell at our kids, or forget something that is important to our loved one, it doesn't make us unfit for love. Have you ever heard of anyone having his marriage license revoked?

If we sincerely try to love, grace makes up the difference. All of our efforts don't add up to much. It's when we let God work through us that He can perfect our love over time (See 1 John 4).

Other aspects worth considering concern our grace toward each other and to ourselves. Humility and admitting our mistakes are essential to love. A part of being gracious is being able to say, "I'm sorry." Recognizing our own shortcomings behooves us to give others room to learn and grow by their mistakes. By giving our loved ones the benefit of a doubt, we allow them to be their best.

We shouldn't automatically assume a husband or wife is trying to undermine the relationship. If we learn he or she wasn't paying attention, we can give course correction lovingly. As we are more loving in our hearts, words and actions, we give our loved ones a nurturing environment to foster their security and growth.
 
 
 

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