Why do people fall out of love? Risk and rejection are part of love. The concerns lots of us live with every day are poignant, they're real.

When I divorced in 1993 I was a single father of three boys. I dated for four years while juggling the responsibilities of job, parenthood and getting out into social life. I dealt with typical joys and disappointments. I broke off a scary engagement and started over again, looking, dating .... I began to question what I really knew about love.

I read everything I could: Good Marriage, Fromm, The Art of Loving, Buscaglia, Love, Living, Loving, Learning, Bus 9 to Paradise, Smalley, Love is a Decision, If I'm So Great, Why Am I Still Single, If Marriage Is So Great, Why Don't I Feel Wonderful by Susan Page, Peck, The Road Less Traveled, Williamson, Return to Love, Seligman, Learned Optimism, and many others that don't immediately come to mind. I have truly enjoyed insights these authors have shared.

It was just the beginning of a learning odyssey. Scriptural passages were the basis for correct principles about love. (Not all of the available readings match up to Biblical truth.)

My wife was my study companion for half of the reading while we both worked through issues clouding our perceptions and beliefs about love. Alongside the book study, prayer and the whisperings of the Holy Ghost were our guides through that wasteland of wondering. We both feel that God provided the miracles that ultimately let us feel abiding love.

What have I learned about love?

First of all, rejection does a number on our self-esteem. To be unsuccessful in love creates all kinds of self-doubt. We wonder, "Am I really that bad in relationships, unlovable, or just unlucky?" Divorcee is a heavy stigma for dating. We may as well wear a sign that reads, "Failed in love."

Being single, it's hard not to feel alone. It seems as if the whole world is paired off, and he is a lone single isolated from love. But the reality is that many relationships languish for lack of nurturing. Many people fall out of love just as easily as they fell into it. They lacked depth of foundation, mistaking infatuation for love. Because their feelings were based on validation from the other's attraction, when the superficial charms become mundane, they then feel "out of love."

When I was first divorced, I felt the Spirit of the Holy Ghost as Comforter. I realized that God cared for me. Those who hunger and thirst after the things of God--and that includes love--are promised that they will be filled. At these times we may feel the sweet Spirit and the assurance that God feels deeply for each of us individually. As we sincerely seek Him, God is always there for us.

Love is more than just finding that special someone with whom to connect. It begins with self-love. First we have to recognize that God loves each of us unconditionally. We can give ourselves a break and recognize our self-worth. Then we can recognize the worth of all those around us.

Before we can enjoy abiding love, we have to be able to love with pure motives. That means treating all of our associations with others as precious connections, that don't have to eventuate in companionship. We regard each individual as being lovable and unique.

As each of us learns to be more consistent in our love for others, we hope to eventually find that special someone who shares our values. During dating, everyone puts on their best face. Time is a great aid to growing together in common directions. Time also helps in discerning dysfunctional or unloving behaviors that could pose future problems. Taking time is one of the most under-rated aids to building lasting love.

My hope in sharing is that individuals might come to their own catharsis that God's love is a part of true romantic love. He sheds His love abroad through the hearts of the children of men. And He bestows it upon all who are followers of His Son Jesus Christ. He asks us to pray with all the energy of heart to be filled with His love. Loving relationships are the fulfilling aspects of life and growth.

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