Copyright (c) 1999 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved.

Picture yourself in a nurturing relationship. You have always looked forward to this, spending the rest of your life with someone you love, admire and respect. Your love for each other is mature, deep and abiding. Every day, you express your love and gratitude for each other. You express your fondness often; in words, cards and notes; in loving gestures and in thoughtful deeds for each other. You joyfully anticipate your daily reunions. Every night, you kneel together and thank God for bringing the two of you together. Individually, you thank God for the joy of being with the love of your life. You seek to bless and pray for each other's continued happiness.

Imagine the impact this type of nurturing will make over a lifetime. As you grow old together, your hearts grow ever fonder, your communications softer, and your affections more profound.

Do you see yourself sharing an enduring bond with your spouse? If this blissful picture is hard to imagine, it might be for one of two reasons. You might be married and enjoying a relationship that is occasionally nurturing, but that old spark that once lit your love would now hardly keep a lawnmower going. Or maybe you haven't yet found that special someone and shared your precious love. You might not believe it will happen in your lifetime. In either case, don't give up.

I believe that you get what you give. The law of the harvest is an eternal principle. As we sow, we reap. Cast your bread upon the water and it will eventually come back. I always wondered, "Why would I want to get back soggy bread?" A friend explained, you cast your bread on the water to lure in fish. Until then I had always missed the point. The windows of heaven wait to pour out blessings. They are constrained only by our ability to receive. Our ability to receive is determined by our capacity to give.

It's that simple. To have nurturing love, we have to learn to nurture. What does it mean? How we foster a baby's growth and development with loving attention is a good example. We cuddle with, nourish, praise, support, comfort, and brighten to a baby. Often, our affections are just as tender, when we are initially attracted to our love. During early infatuation, couples share the euphoria of their new-found love, unrivaled, they believe, in any other time or place. Often the same couple will end up emotionally estranged, disillusioned or divorced. What happened to their unequaled love? Is there any reason we can't foster the same kind of nurturing long after the initial attraction has worn off?

In Love is a Decision, Gary Smalley gives a vital key to keeping nurturing alive in our love. He uses the word "honor," meaning the weight we measure against something to determine its value. When we place eternal value on our loved one, we regard him or her with profound feelings of respect and awe. The very act of being in awe of our loved one engenders the feelings that will ultimately nurture our love for our loved one.

Love is like a tree. Planting the seed is an act of faith, in anticipation of one day tasting the fruit. If we plant a seed, then pay no attention to its nurturing, it would be ridiculous to blame the seed for not growing. If the novelty of the miraculously developing plant wears off, and the tree is stunted through our own neglect, could it be the tree's fault we haven't provided it life-giving water and rich soil for its growth?

In our relationships, we should nurture the tender plant with constant attention, giving it nourishment and daily life. By filling our heart with positive feelings and by manifesting loving acts we will eventually taste of the mature fruit of nurturing.

Although it takes two to attain true nurturing love, learning to love is an individual decision each of us can make. We should prepare ourselves to be nurturing by being loving in our thoughts, attitudes and actions. As we do so, we will attract the same kind of love into our lives.

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