Possession is 9/10ths of the law ... or is it? How many popular songs and movies have been about possession, rather than love? The airwaves are constantly filled with themes like "My Girl," and "You belong to me."

In marriage we share a common bond, a togetherness, but it isn't a quit-claim deed or a property title. It's more like a joint-stewardship to take care of and nurture the relationship with our fondest hopes and attentions.

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness," writes Kahlil Gibran, "And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls .... Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping" (from The Prophet).

The idea of ownership of another human spirit goes contrary to principles of truth. Even in marriage, possessiveness imbues relationships with dysfunction and abuse, rather than the life-giving nurturing needed for love.

Possession is a form of domination and control, stemming from selfishness. The possessor manipulates objects and others for his own purposes. Many issues of abuse come from co-dependent relationships, where one person feels the need to control the other. It's a lot like closed a fist, trying to keep a butterfly from flying away.

Love is on the opposite end of the spectrum, like an open hand, letting the miracle of nature rest undisturbed. When you truly love someone, you would never consider confining him or her to a cage. You would wish the universe for their room for expansion. One who loves respects the uniqueness of the other and does not abridge their lover's individual will.

Trust is vital to love. When two individuals build mutual faith in each other, they become emotionally free to give and receive love. In mature relationships, individuals don't own each other. They each give to the other an offering of all their love.

We are not even our own. Paul said, "Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost ... ye are not your own, for we are all bought with a price." He elaborates further, that wives and husbands have no power over their own bodies, but share the responsibility to take care of each other.

Love that is genuine seeks to ennoble, uplift, support, strengthen, edify, honor and to cherish. True love is never taken--it can only be given. You never own another. You can only give your own heart. Love, in its purest form, is the complete sharing of hearts.

Go to Learning Love and Life Home Page

Join Love Newsletter!