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Who's responsible to make me happy?
No one is.
In the first place, no one can make anyone else happy. In the second, that isn't any person's responsibility; it never was.
Many people have unrealistic expectations about life.
Rules are meant to be broken, or at least bent.
Employers are expected to reward unproductive "workers" as if they were undiscovered geniuses.
Traffic laws are for everybody ELSE.
And if things don't work out in the end, Regis Philbin is supposed to set us up with the "Final answer" of a million dollars.
Popular imagination puts a heavy burden on relationships too. Being in love with someone should make all the problems of the world go away. One's husband or wife is supposed to make everything right. A soulmate ought to think, feel and act exactly according to one's expectations. And after a lifetime of frustrations and shortcomings, we can thrive vicariously on the victories of our well-adjusted, overachieving children.
But life isn't like that. Other people are not there to fulfill our needs. We are each responsible for the outcome our life. We need to understand self-reliance and apply principles of accountability, moderation, providence, industry and thrift.
Self-reliance doesn't free us from the need of others. We maintain social responsibilities and obligations and live in an interconnected world. And even though we need to foster personal responsibility, it doesn't diminish our reliance on the Lord for His grace and atonement. Yet, being reliant on Him does not mean that we should expect God to do our "stuff" for us. We need to take responsibility for our own lives.
We've heard the saying since childhood, "Pray as if everything depended on the Lord; work as if everything depends on you." As a parent, I imagine that God wants to foster our growth and development; and that we take responsibility for our choices and actions. That is why He gives us agency, a mind and a will of our own.
Agency and accountability go together. You can't have one without the other. Choice makes it possible for us to accept the responsibility for our choices and actions. With this recognition, we understand that we cannot compel or force another person's choices or actions. Nor can we take away another person's responsibility. Parents are accountable to teach their children responsibility. But with the exception of little children, each person is accountable for his or her own choices.
Force is a false principle. Any form of coercion robs an individual of his or her agency to act independently. Control issues are at the heart of many dysfunctional relationships. A person who tries to force his opinions, thinking or ways of doing things is acting in unrighteous dominion, regardless of how "in the right" he may feel about it.
It seems to be human nature to abuse power, or to imagine that one has power over others. But it's just an illusion. A person who uses force loses the respect and authority over those he tries to control. This holds true in any relationship. A person who does not respect the rights of individuals is not a respectable person.
Anxiety comes from unmet or unrealistic expectations of people or events outside of our control. Anger rises out of the uncontrollability of these false expectations. Ironically, the controller is the one who loses control; with explosive temper, rage and abuse; leaving victims sadly scarred and wounded. Manipulative people would be better off learning self-control.
The areas in which we should recognize our personal responsibility are the areas over which we have some degree of control. Some of these areas include: our choice to live by ethical guidelines; our spiritual and emotional health; and how we serve others. Other areas of self-reliance deal with aspects of living in the world. They include learning and education, physical health, employment, providing needs and resource management.
Each of us has a set of values, which provides a structural foundation for our life. With fundamental principles such as integrity, honor, providence and kindness, many details of day-to-day living come into proper perspective.
Remember who controls your destiny.
In Pursuit of a Dream
The Choice, by Og Mandino, tells the story of a man who trades a successful career for the dream of writing. Choices define a man's values as he decides what is most important in life.
The Choice's story-within-the-story, A Better Way to Live, is the real-life account of Og Mandino's struggles and success.
You can find both of these books, and read
some well-worded customer reviews, at Amazon.com.
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