A small boy with a ball and bat said to himself, "I'm the greatest batter on earth." He threw the ball in the air and swung at it. The ball fell to the ground.

"Strike One!" he yelled. He picked up the ball and reaffirmed, "I'm the greatest batter on earth!"

He tossed the ball again. He swung and missed a second time. "Strike two!"

Not to be discouraged, he tossed the ball again, swung and missed. "Strike three! Wow," he said, "I must be the greatest pitcher on earth!"

Unlike the greatest, little pitcher, I doubt many of us suffer from too high an opinion of ourselves. If anything, we tend to be too critical. Self-image can be a constant battle. We can easily magnify our faults and minimize our positive traits. Correcting distorted self perceptions can be very difficult.

Low self-esteem often causes problems in relationships. On both the giving and receiving ends, a poor self-image affects how we treat others and how we allow them to treat us. Codependent behaviors such as seeking validation, jumping from one relationship to the next, unrealistic expectations, mood swings and guilt may be symptoms of low self-esteem. Several addictive behaviors, such as compulsive shopping, eating and participating in pornography, are also affected by self-esteem issues.

When a person views the world through a self-critical perspective, the outcome turns out rather distorted. Others are better-off, are undeserving or have all the luck. Thinking becomes exaggerated. Criticisms of self and others take on disproportionate weight. The world looks black and white, offering only bleak contrasts and all-or-nothing absolutes.

Self-focused thinking is directly linked to depression. Thoughts about others are often comparisons, measuring our weakest points against their imaginary strengths. These theoretical matches inevitably leave us feeling inadequate.

We won't attempt to cure all of our self-esteem issues in a brief newsletter. Obviously it isn't that easy. Improving our self-image takes time and patience. There are, however, some areas where we can make improvements. Over time, we can change the way we feel about ourselves. It is a matter of correcting our perception, adjusting beliefs and practicing positive principles.

Perception

A lot is determined by the way we look at life. Our perception is a filter that colors our attitudes about the world and ourselves. There are absolutes and eternal truths, but perfection is found only in heaven and those who dwell there. In our earthly associations we will have to deal with all shades of inferior qualities.

If we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, we have to start with a proper love for ourselves. This obviously doesn't justify egomania or narcissism. It does mean that we recognize the intrinsic worth in ourselves as in others.

A positive self-image isn't dependent on approval from others. Nor is it torn down by slights or criticisms. In the day-to-day scrapes and bruises, we need to have a thick skin to what "happens" to us. It's often easy to translate "I'm FEELING bad" in our minds to "I'm feeling BAD." There is a distinct difference when we internalize negative feelings.

An ideal example of how we can constructively internalize feelings is how we deal with guilt. Rather than wallow in self-pity, if we recognize guilt as a result of our actions, we can then take responsibility, admit wrongs, make amends and repent. By resolving inharmonious aspects of our lives, we then internalize a process of self-improvement, rather than take in unhealthy self-judgments.

Beliefs

Self worth is intrinsic. It isn't earned or accomplished. A Positive self image comes through complete and accurate picture of yourself. See yourself for who you really are. Everyone has qualities as well as shortcomings. Viewed in proper context and balance, a rational person doesn't give added weight to faults nor overlook qualities.

It helps to see all of the traits, positive desires, and good in yourself and your loved ones. If anything, we need to give credit for the effort that positive attributes actually take. Everyone needs positive feedback. It may be the easiest way we can build ourselves and those around us.

Let me finish this column by holding up a mirror to your good side. While you're reading this topic on self-improvement, you demonstrate that you care about others and how they feel. And you desire to have meaningful relationships and contribute to the happiness of those around you.

Paul wrote, "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God." It's important to remember that heritage. To be born on earth, you were valiant in your pre-earth existence in sustaining Heavenly Father's plan of salvation through Jesus. Our obedience as spirits enabled us to gain bodies and temporal experience in earth life.

Knowing each of us completely without distortions, God loves us for who we are. He sent his only Begotten Son to save us from temporal and spiritual death. He cares for each of us and shares our deepest concerns. Prayer is the very best source of accurate appraisal--from the one who knows us best.

Practicing Positive Principles

We've talked about correcting our perceptions and adjusting our beliefs to reflect a more accurate truth about ourselves. What's left is to practice feeling positive about ourselves.

Start small, by acknowledging what you know you do well. Then choose a simple, realistic goal of something you know you can improve on. Recognize your progress and gratefully accept any praise you can give yourself.
 

Reading Shelf

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem
by Nathaniel Branden

Comforting and optimistic, this important self-help book is filled with step-by-step techniques for developing and strengthening feelings of self-worth. Learn to raise your self-confidence, self-esteem, and commit yourself to a happier, healthier life.

A pioneer in self-esteem development, Branden offers a step-by-step guide to strengthening your sense of self-worth. Here are simple, straightforward and effective techniques that will dramatically improve the way you think and feel about yourself. You'll learn:

o  How to break free of negative self-concepts and self-defeating behavior.

o  How to dissolve internal barriers to success in work and love.

o  How to overcome anxiety, depression, guilt and anger.

o How to conquer the fear of intimacy and success.

o How to find -- and keep -- the courage to love yourself.

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